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Original poster

Asking a friend back for the money I lent her

192 replies

Hazbot · 24/03/2022 16:47

I lent my friend £1000 last March to help with her debts that her husband didn’t know about. She was saying at the time that it was causing her great anxiety and stress and didn’t know how to pay it off as he wanted to buy a house soon.

She had already borrowed money from her husband’s friend and had a payment plan to pay that money back and so this was £1000 that her husband didn’t know about.

We never wrote a formal payment plan back and I did believe that she had every intention to pay it back.

Fast forward to august where we had a huge fall out because she thought I was flirting with her husband. We eventually made up where she apologised because she was extremely drunk but our relationship has never been the same since.

She’s mentioned a few times about paying it back but nothing ever materialises.

During all this, she has tried to move house, gone through 2 bouts of IVF and has her dad repeatedly in hospital so I know she’s going through it.

But I’m wondering how I can ask her if she has a payment plan for the £1000 I lent her and when the best time to ask her.

She’s currently going through ivf again and so I know it’s stressful for her.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

OP posts:
acatcalledjohn · 24/03/2022 18:20

@FridaynightCry

Hi (Friend)

Can we start a monthly instalment for the money I lent you? I really need it back.

How does £200pm sound to you? Can you let me know if this works? Ideally I'd like it be be end of every month of that's ok.

Regards

(OP, ask for it back. Don't write it off)

Too wishy washy.

Friend,

The £1000 you borrowed on xx date needs to be returned. £200/month starting from April. My bank details are below. Please confirm the standing order has been set up.

Thanks,

OP.

chaosrabbitland · 24/03/2022 18:21

id follow along the lines of asking for it back , going along with other posters suggestions of approaching her husband if she blanks you , it no doubt might create a shitstorm , but at this point would you really care if she ends the friendship ? since her outburst its already been strained anyway so its no great loss i dont see .

im one of those people where id at least have a go at getting it back even if those efforts amount to nothing , you may as well at least try , if she can afford bloody ivf and trying to move house , then shes not hard up , if you dont get it back you dont , but nothing ventured ,nothing gained .

GorgonzolaSouffle · 24/03/2022 18:22

You have to fight to get this back.

Hi
I know talking about money is awkward but I could really do with that £1000 I lent you last year. My husband was also asking if you are going to pay it back soon and we thought we could help you put a payment plan together.
Let’s catch up next week.

WomblingWilma · 24/03/2022 18:23

This woman obviously thinks you’re a bit of a mug OP. Are you?

The fact she hasn’t even attempted to pay back a nominal amount like £10 (in a year!) shows exactly what she thinks of you. She was trying to set you up by accusing you of flirting with her DH so the friendship would end and you’d be suitably shamed enough not to ask for it.

I wonder what changed her mind? Did you chase after her or did she apologise off her own back?

There’s no way I’d let this go. I’d ask her for it in person in front of her DH. Tell her you’ve got an unexpected emergency and need the money urgently, none of her business as to what. If she refuses, tell her you’ll be taking her to the small claims court as you need that money and you have messages to prove it was a loan.

Then ditch her. She’s not a friend.

acatcalledjohn · 24/03/2022 18:23

She’s currently going through ivf again and so I know it’s stressful for her.

She should be paying of off her debts before paying out for IVF. The IVF is a red herring designed to keep you hanging until she has a baby, when it will change to "babies are so expensive!"

You've got a CF on your hands and the only way to deal with those is with clear and concise messages. The fact that she promised to pay you back in writing means you have evidence to take her to court.

ButtockUp · 24/03/2022 18:24

Sorry, I'd be telling both of them that unless you start getting payments towards the debt then you'll be instigating a small claims action through the court.

Then wait for their response .

Then take her to court.

You have the evidence and £1000 is no small amount of money.

Your friendship ended long ago. She probably made up with you because she was scared that you'd chase her through court action.

5zeds · 24/03/2022 18:24

Don’t offer instalments or a “payment plan”Shock. Just ask her for the money back. If she can’t pay it back she could suggest she gives you some now and the rest later.

She sounds very rude

Crumbleburntbits · 24/03/2022 18:25

If she can afford to pay for multiple rounds of ivf she has the money to pay you back. £1000 is a lot of money to forget about, unless you are extremely wealthy.

Send a message to her asking for repayment of your loan and if that doesn’t work send another message to her and her husband saying that you are considering going to the small claims court.

Poetnojo · 24/03/2022 18:26

Make sure you screenshot all the messages about the money and the promise to repay it before you ask her, incase its on an app where she can unsend them

KellyMarieTunstall2 · 24/03/2022 18:28

This has happened to me. I lent money to a friend who id known over 15 years. She'd borrowed bits and bobs over a year and always repaid me. Then she asked to borrow £1000 to buy a car. We agreed a repayment amount and timescale which was achievable. After 3 payments she stopped paying. She stopped responding to my phonecalls and texts and excluded me socially. Then she changed her number. I was gutted on both levels. She told mutual friends that I'd cut her off and she had no idea what she'd done. It was a hard lesson to learn. As a result I've never lent money again. I lost money and a friendship.
Anyways OP you're not likely to get the money back. And your friendship if it remains won't be the same again.

newbiename · 24/03/2022 18:28

Definitely message her as some others have said.
Eg
Hi
I need the money back in leant you last year.
Here are my bank details.

Thanks.

acatcalledjohn · 24/03/2022 18:29

Also, if she is hiding money issues/debt from her husband, he deserves to know about that before he has a child with her.

cavalier · 24/03/2022 18:34

Sadly this is all too common … you could go to the small claims court … makes me fume within so called friends do this

AgentJohnson · 24/03/2022 18:36

She saw you coming! Write off the friendship, not the money. Ask for the money back and tell her you will approach her H if she doesn’t pay.

Helenahandkart · 24/03/2022 18:39

Everyone on this thread seems to have really shitty friends. I’ve lent several friends money over the years, sometimes several thousand pounds, and I’ve always had it back, even when a couple of times it looked unlikely.
Don’t give up. Let her know you need it, and give her a time frame for the payments. She may surprise you.
(But yes, in future don’t lend money you can’t afford to lose!)

MeridianB · 24/03/2022 18:40

The friendship is clearly meaningless to her, so you have nothing to lose by asking for the money back now.

It looks like you’re helping to fund her IVF? I suspect her excuses will continue, so yo7 should be prepared to ask her husband to repay. It’s too much money to forget about, especially when she has let you down like this.

Scandisaurus22 · 24/03/2022 18:45

@GorgonzolaSouffle

You have to fight to get this back.

Hi
I know talking about money is awkward but I could really do with that £1000 I lent you last year. My husband was also asking if you are going to pay it back soon and we thought we could help you put a payment plan together.
Let’s catch up next week.

Absolutely do NOT write this op. Don’t be a mug.
narkyspirit · 24/03/2022 18:47

I have a friend who was really struggling during the past 2 years who I loaned some money to £5k we had a payment thing arranged but no payments ever appeared, he never told his wife he had borrowed money.

He passed away shortly before Christmas, it turned out that he had borrowed money from a few friends and not told his wife, they approached her and where told she wouldn't honour the debts. turned out he had borrowed close to £30k.

I don't think you will be getting your cash back

BoodleBug51 · 24/03/2022 18:48

If someone gets into debt, it's because they can't manage their money. That ability doesn't appear by magic and suddenly they are able to sort it out. She used that money to clear off one debt and probably added in another.

That money has long gone, your only choice now is whether or not you can stay friends with someone so flakey. And she will ask you again.

TracyMosby · 24/03/2022 18:52

I wouldnt tell her husband until she doesnt pay you back.

Squishmael · 24/03/2022 18:55

I know it's really difficult. I recently started up a small business and went through so much hand-wringing when I had to ask people to settle up. I'm completely different now and you need to be confident and assertive too with your friend. She is counting on your good will and embarrassment. But where is HER good will and embarrassment?

Be factual, firm, friendly.

It's time to start paying the £1000 back I lent you. Here are my bank details. £200 per month for the next 5 months will be acceptable. Hope all going well. Let me know when the SO is set up. Best wishes etc etc

Notjustabrunette · 24/03/2022 18:57

I would still talk to her about it. After all you’ve got nothing to loose. Suggest setting up. Payment plan. Or ask the husband.

HisHX · 24/03/2022 18:57

Absolutely not being unreasonable, but there’s no chance I’d lend someone, anyone, that amount of money without something writing re repayment. I fear it’s unlikely you’ll get it back, but you should be upfront and ask her, ask her husband if no response, and then write to both of them threatening small claims court. What a CF.

Ionlydomassiveones · 24/03/2022 18:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

BluebellsGreenbells · 24/03/2022 18:58

Is send a message asking for her to repay it. More than likely she’ll block you.

Then send her DH a message and say that as she’s blocked you, you’ll be approaching the small claims court for repayment.

Costa about £40 to log a claim.