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Original poster

Asking a friend back for the money I lent her

192 replies

Hazbot · 24/03/2022 16:47

I lent my friend £1000 last March to help with her debts that her husband didn’t know about. She was saying at the time that it was causing her great anxiety and stress and didn’t know how to pay it off as he wanted to buy a house soon.

She had already borrowed money from her husband’s friend and had a payment plan to pay that money back and so this was £1000 that her husband didn’t know about.

We never wrote a formal payment plan back and I did believe that she had every intention to pay it back.

Fast forward to august where we had a huge fall out because she thought I was flirting with her husband. We eventually made up where she apologised because she was extremely drunk but our relationship has never been the same since.

She’s mentioned a few times about paying it back but nothing ever materialises.

During all this, she has tried to move house, gone through 2 bouts of IVF and has her dad repeatedly in hospital so I know she’s going through it.

But I’m wondering how I can ask her if she has a payment plan for the £1000 I lent her and when the best time to ask her.

She’s currently going through ivf again and so I know it’s stressful for her.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

OP posts:
HomeHomeInTheRange · 24/03/2022 18:58

Just ask for it, in a clear but non-aggressive manner.

In writing.

“Hi Friend,

We have mentioned this a few times between us but now that it is a year since I lent you £1k I hope you are in a position to think about a structured way to pay it back. I know we are all under pressure but would you be able to set up a repayment of £100 pcm? Let me know what you think, Hazbot”

No need to write it off, she had the upfront communication to ask for the loan, what’s the problem with having the same straightforwardness in asking for it back?

You have nothing to lose.

Your friendship won’t survive an unpaid debt, surely?

SleeplessInEngland · 24/03/2022 18:58

She’ll never pay it back but it also sounds like you’ll never have the guts to demand it back.

Gilly12345 · 24/03/2022 18:59

Ask for the money back, you’ve not much to lose as she sounds like a crap friend.

Some friends come into our lives to teach us life lessons.

Too late now but as she has form for borrowing money then a repayment plan was needed.

stormswiftlysweetafton · 24/03/2022 19:02

I never understand when someone's immediate response is "you're never getting that money back". . . Maybe not, but wouldn't you still ask, before writing it off? What does the OP have to lose by asking? And what will she gain by just counting the money as lost?

I'd definitely ask. As others have said, there's never a good time. If the IVF fails, that's not a great time to ask, but if it works, then what? Will you wait through the pregnancy? Won't she just say she needs the money for the baby? I'd just get it over with and ask now.

WonderfulYou · 24/03/2022 19:03

I agree with everyone else.
When you ask for it back I can guarantee she’ll soon find something else to try and fall out over.

Just send her a nice text saying ‘hi friend how are you? I’m just wandering when you’re planning on paying the money back I lent you. If you’re struggling to pay it all off in one go then I’m happy to do a payment plan but it would need to start next month.

If she gets arsey with you you can get arsey back and demands she pays it back in full.
I would also be contacting the husband as it sounds like she has a serious money problem.
If you’re borrowing thousands from friends then you have some sort of addiction and going through IVF and keeping massive secrets from your DH is not ok.

AlisonDonut · 24/03/2022 19:05

She has stitched you up like the proverbial kipper.

burnthur5t · 24/03/2022 19:11

As the saying goes "only lend what you can afford to lose"

WeeOrcadian · 24/03/2022 19:11

I'd be going through small claims court, using the bank transfer and various messages as evidence of the loan.

Some people think £1000, isn't much - that's two months salary for me, fuck leaving it.

oakleaffy · 24/03/2022 19:11

Never lend money...I have lent it and never got it back.

People who are bad with money are the LAST people to lend to, if they were 'Good' with money, they could get a loan.

So she's trying to get pregnant on your money...Cheeky F'er.

Longdistance · 24/03/2022 19:15

Ask her for it back in a message. If she refuses I’d let the cat out of the bag to her dh and find out from the dhs friend wether he really got the money back.
I agree, she wanted to break up the friendship as she doesn’t want to pay you back.

JudgeJ · 24/03/2022 19:15

@Acheyknees

How about a breezy 'Hi Friend, I really need that money repaid soon, are you able to start a repayment plan? I know you have alot on your plate so shall I approach your DH to sort it?'
I would certainly tell the husband about hher borrowing money behind his back.
Sswhinesthebest · 24/03/2022 19:17

I’d also definitely tell the dh if this pans out badly.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 24/03/2022 19:19

You arent getting that back and she didn’t think you were flirting with her husband either

Agree, trumped up row to try and get out of the guilt of not paying you back

Yes - and an astutely-chosen fake row, designed not just to make you the bad guy and thus somehow not 'deserve' your money back, but also to prevent you from approaching her husband to mention the debt. If you do tell him, she will concoct that as 'evidence' of your 'flirting' and duly 'punish' you by definitely not repaying it - and if you bring it up again, it will be "I can't believe you have the nerve to ask me for money after you've been going after my husband" as if the two (even if true) would in any way be related facts.

RampantIvy · 24/03/2022 19:22

@Scandisaurus22

There is no way I would write this off, or let her get away with it. Why should you? I’d tell her dh.
Harsh as it seems, I would also do this. She should never have put you in this position.
PinkSyCo · 24/03/2022 19:24

Unlike most people on this thread I could not afford to write a grand off so I would ask your thieving ‘friend’ outright when she is planning on paying you back.

Scandisaurus22 · 24/03/2022 19:25

She CAN afford to pay you back though. She just doesn’t want to.

BorderlineHappy · 24/03/2022 19:30

Ask for the money back but don't tell her you're thinking of telling her dh.
Otherwise she'll get in first and tell her dh lies.
He'll believe her over you anyway.

Next port of call would be small claims and that's the way I'd go

Booboobibles · 24/03/2022 19:30

@Babadook76

I don’t get why people are saying you won’t get it back. 1k is way too much for me to write off. I’d be taking her to a small claims court for it. And I’d be telling her husband
That’s what I was going to say. The friendship is over anyway so you may as well get your money back.

Where has all the money for the ivf and attempted house move come from?

EssexLioness · 24/03/2022 19:30

Theoretically we could afford to write £1000 off however I don’t think that is the point. She has completely used you and obviously has a big problem to get into so much secret debt. I also believe she orchestrated the fallout with you to avoid paying what she owed you. That is dreadful behaviour and effectively stealing from you. I wouldn’t let that go and would tell her dh.

debbrianna · 24/03/2022 19:32

I don't think she thought you were flirting with her husband.sge git scared you would tell her husband. I don't think you will see your money back

TopCatTheMostEffectual · 24/03/2022 19:37

Not a pleasant series of circumstances OP.

Her row with you is very convenient for keeping you at a distance

You will only get the £1,000 back from the court if you have proof (a series of texts is enough) that she accepted the £1, 000 is a loan.

If no don’t have this evidence, sadly you are probably wasting your time going to court. You might get somewhere by suggesting you’ll approach her husband.

BeautifulDragon · 24/03/2022 19:41

Just ask for it back, all of it! Don't go meekly asking if she minds giving you £100 a month.

'It's been a year since I lent you £1000 and I now need it back.

Shall we say end of the month?'

Let her suggest a lower amount, but I would definitely message with the expectation that you'll be getting it all back.

Papayamya · 24/03/2022 19:43

I agree she's unlikely to pay it back, sounds like manufacturing the fall out was intentional as well I expect.

LuluBlakey1 · 24/03/2022 19:44

I wouldn't write £1000 off. Write your own payment plan and send it to her with a start date explaining you really need the money back.
Keep records of everything. As soon as she misses a payment, tell her you will be taking her to the Small Claims Court- my friend did this with an ex-boyfriend and it was really straightforward. Never loan her money again.

Chloemol · 24/03/2022 19:51

I would contact her and tell her you want relaying, with in full, or at 100pm over the next 10 months

If she doesn’t respond i would say the same again adding I am sorry but if you don’t relay me I will have to speak to your husband to try to get my money back, or possibly take you to small claims court

And do it. Her first priority should have been paying you back, now force the issue

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