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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking a friend back for the money I lent her

192 replies

Hazbot · 24/03/2022 16:47

I lent my friend £1000 last March to help with her debts that her husband didn’t know about. She was saying at the time that it was causing her great anxiety and stress and didn’t know how to pay it off as he wanted to buy a house soon.

She had already borrowed money from her husband’s friend and had a payment plan to pay that money back and so this was £1000 that her husband didn’t know about.

We never wrote a formal payment plan back and I did believe that she had every intention to pay it back.

Fast forward to august where we had a huge fall out because she thought I was flirting with her husband. We eventually made up where she apologised because she was extremely drunk but our relationship has never been the same since.

She’s mentioned a few times about paying it back but nothing ever materialises.

During all this, she has tried to move house, gone through 2 bouts of IVF and has her dad repeatedly in hospital so I know she’s going through it.

But I’m wondering how I can ask her if she has a payment plan for the £1000 I lent her and when the best time to ask her.

She’s currently going through ivf again and so I know it’s stressful for her.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

OP posts:
Comfortableatlast · 24/03/2022 23:21

My DS lent money to a "friend" in the extended social circle over Christmas, he hasn't had it back, turns out this lad did it to several people in the social circle at the same time.

Now granted it was "only" £100 but a lot when you are on an apprenticeship wage, I said to him you must be raging with him, he said the money would be nice but it was a good life lesson early on in the fact that not everyone is who they appear to be.

I could have bloody hugged him (about all he allows these days Grin) turns out he listens to me more than he pretends.

expat101 · 24/03/2022 23:53

We were owed money by a woman whose Hubby my DH knew. I called her a few times to have it paid, she wasn't returning calls and it was getting frustrating.

Instead of giving up, as I knew a rough time her DH arrived home from work, I left a message on their home answer phone. The funds were in our bank account the following day. I found out afterwards she was well known to owe others as well.

Not long after she was selling her horse truck and stuff and we never saw them again.

NumberTheory · 24/03/2022 23:58

@ECN73

It’s a tough lesson but I think you’ll struggle to get that back. My dad told me never to lend money to anyone that I needed back. So I have always loaned thinking it was gone. I’ve been pleasantly surprised that money has always come back to me but if it hadn’t thats ok too.

Friendship wise though is she really a friend worth keeping? Accusing you of hitting on her husband is pretty harsh.

If the "friend" won't voluntary start repaying, small claims is not that difficult. Since "friend" and husband are planning on buying a house it's unlikely they simply can't pay. I don't think it needs to be a struggle at all.
expat101 · 25/03/2022 00:02

Her name isn't Vicky is it?

Funny I had completely forgotten about this until I read the thread..

Shockedmama · 25/03/2022 00:10

You shouldn’t have to ask her. She should be bringing it up! No matter what is happening in her life

timeisnotaline · 25/03/2022 00:14

@Ohyesiam

Slightly surprised at people a attitudes here. In the last year I’ve lent two good friends £1000 each , one paid it back within weeks as arranged, the other is up to date with her payment plan. I asked her to make sure she kept records of what her debt was as I don’t want to have to keep tabs on it, and she sends me updates. I’m surprised people are anti helping a friend in need.
But they are paying it back. This woman isn’t. I’d ask her for it and say i need it back so I’m afraid I’ll have to ask if you don’t get back to me on this.
RonSwansonsChair · 25/03/2022 07:50

Ask her once if you don't get the money go straight to her husband. I'd bet she's borrowed money from a fair few people.

TheMarvelousMrsMaisel · 25/03/2022 07:54

I would just go directly to her husband and show him the evidence.
She doesn't care, IVF is expensive and if she really cared she'd of made sure you was paid back before spending thousands on it.

Lurking9to5 · 25/03/2022 07:58

Some people have the ability to reframe debt. I realised one saturday i forgot to give my colleague €3.50 for the lotto and i was cringing about it! I dont have revolut.
How do people not care that they owe you 2 weeks net wages (well averagely speaking)

Original poster
Hazbot · 25/03/2022 10:06

Thank you to everyone for all the comments and advice!

I’ve messaged her this morning and she was actually really nice about it all and said of course and has set up a payment plan. I’m still a little cynical as to whether it will all be paid but it’s a start!

OP posts:
RonSwansonsChair · 25/03/2022 11:30

That's good OP. But don't be afraid to follow up if she doesn't stick to the agreed plan.

Gazelda · 25/03/2022 11:37

@Hazbot

Thank you to everyone for all the comments and advice!

I’ve messaged her this morning and she was actually really nice about it all and said of course and has set up a payment plan. I’m still a little cynical as to whether it will all be paid but it’s a start!

How much is she paying each month? How many months will it take her to pay you back?
Original poster
Hazbot · 25/03/2022 11:54

So she has sent over £100 this morning and then has said £100 for the next 2 months and then will pay back the rest in one go. She apologised that she hasn’t thought about it sooner (I believe she was hoping to get away with it) but I’m genuinely surprised at how she hasn’t used her circumstances or anything else against me

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 25/03/2022 11:55

I guess whether she did forget or not, it seems like she wants to put it right and hold on to your friendship. Hope it works out.

Gonnagetgoing · 25/03/2022 12:14

That seems a really good outcome OP but definitely ensure she sticks to her payment plan.

cushioncovers · 25/03/2022 12:56

Well done for messaging her op. Although I still think it will start off well then she'll stop. But fingers crossed I'm wrong and you get your money back.

Onthetoadagain · 25/03/2022 17:18

Nice one OP. Don't be shy to remind her if she doesn't pay up, but hopefully she won't mess you about.

ComeSailAway · 25/03/2022 17:29

@GraceandMolly

You won’t see the money or friend again.
This.

Shakespeare had it right.

5zeds · 25/03/2022 19:20

Well 10% is with you.

Sswhinesthebest · 26/03/2022 07:46

Hope she does pay and your friendship survives.

HELLITHURT · 26/03/2022 07:49

@FangsForTheMemory

Are you sure she didn't engineer the row in order not to have to pay you back?

I think you've seen the last of your money tbh.

I think this might be the case!
Chocomelon · 26/03/2022 07:52

I hope you get your money back. It sounds like she's genuine if she has already paid you some money but then I also think she probably engineered the argument so she could do something like that again.

HollowTalk · 26/03/2022 07:54

Do you really think that she wouldn't ask you for it back in the same situation?

LabelMaker · 26/03/2022 07:57

@Scbchl

Id just message her and say "Hey its been a year since I loaned you that 1k, have you got it to pay back now? Happy to arrange a payment plan if need be if it would be too awkward paying it in a lump sum if x still doesn't know about it, but I do really need it repaid and hoped it would of been by now as never thought it would of taken this long."
This sounds perfect to me
LabelMaker · 26/03/2022 07:58

@Hazbot

So she has sent over £100 this morning and then has said £100 for the next 2 months and then will pay back the rest in one go. She apologised that she hasn’t thought about it sooner (I believe she was hoping to get away with it) but I’m genuinely surprised at how she hasn’t used her circumstances or anything else against me
Sounds good. Keep at it though don't let her "forget".
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