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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has hidden my make up bag

575 replies

AttackCat · 24/03/2022 09:08

So I am a messy person. DH is a tidy person. This is probably one of the biggest causes of day to day minor disagreements between us.

DH has been complaining about me leaving my make-up bag on the bathroom worktop (it can fit in the cupboard directly under the worktop). He often puts it away if I leave it out (which I often do).

He warned me that if I kept leaving it out, he’d hide it. I went to put my make up on this morning and yes, he has hidden it.

I’m not a huge wearer of make up (I’ll do the school run with a bare face) but I have a client meeting on zoom today so need to look vaguely presentable. I’ve managed to find a tinted moisturiser and a mascara but the make up bag isn’t in any of the bathroom cupboards so he’s properly hidden it.

So who is being unreasonable?

YABU - your fault for being messy
YANBU - DH shouldn’t have hidden your make up even though he’s put up with 20 years of your mess

OP posts:
Spudina · 24/03/2022 09:10

I don’t wear makeup much, but I’d be pissed at that. YANBU.

Bagelsandbrie · 24/03/2022 09:10

He shouldn’t have hidden it.

But as someone who is quite a tidy person it’s the equivalent of my dh leaving cups on the side above empty dishwasher. That would drive me nuts.

DuggeeHugPlease · 24/03/2022 09:11

To be honest if he's asked you many times before I'd say it's fair enough. I bet you won't do it again!!

GoIntoTheLight · 24/03/2022 09:12

He is unreasonable for his childish approach.

Anoisagusaris · 24/03/2022 09:12

Have you asked him where it is?

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 24/03/2022 09:13

Surely as an adult and equal in your home and marriage you can leave your make up bag where the fuck you want?

Sharrowgirl · 24/03/2022 09:13

Both unreasonable. You for being so messy and him for being so petty.

BettyBotte · 24/03/2022 09:13

What a bloody cheek he has! Who is he to decree you must not leave your makeup bag on the side? He may be a neat freak but he has no right to dictate to you.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 24/03/2022 09:14

He's being an idiot. Hiding a needed item is infantile and controlling.

BettyBotte · 24/03/2022 09:14

@DuggeeHugPlease

To be honest if he's asked you many times before I'd say it's fair enough. I bet you won't do it again!!
So she must obey him at all times or suffer the consequences?
M0rT · 24/03/2022 09:14

I think this is a bit funny but surely he will tell you where it is when you explain about a work meeting?

Original poster
AttackCat · 24/03/2022 09:14

@Bagelsandbrie

He shouldn’t have hidden it.

But as someone who is quite a tidy person it’s the equivalent of my dh leaving cups on the side above empty dishwasher. That would drive me nuts.

Oh cups on the side, yes another one of my faults. Cups everywhere!
OP posts:
Bumtum126 · 24/03/2022 09:15

He has put up with it for 20 years now has had enough. Tidy up , it's not hard if you can be arsed.

RosieRoww · 24/03/2022 09:15

@Bagelsandbrie

He shouldn’t have hidden it.

But as someone who is quite a tidy person it’s the equivalent of my dh leaving cups on the side above empty dishwasher. That would drive me nuts.

Agree with this.

Why don't you purchase some wall makeup organiser, perhaps the magnetic one, so it's gonna be easier for you to keep it tidy?

PollyPutTheKettleOnKettleOn · 24/03/2022 09:15

His action was unacceptable tbh

Messy people often need an easy place for everything and if its easy for you to keep your make up bag on the top then that's fine imo. Very different to leaving make up scattered every way with make up stains in the sink!

Also very different to leaving glasses by the dishwasher which are there to be washed up.

Its interfering with your job today today. I wonder how he'd feel if you hid his razor or charger before work?

If my dh did this to me I'd read him the riot act.

Justilou1 · 24/03/2022 09:15

Take his car keys and phone hostage. Won’t be long til you get it back.

Gowithme · 24/03/2022 09:16

That is just odd and controlling behaviour IMO. I can't really imagine an adult hiding someone else's things - how childish is that? I also can't imagine being with someone who is that annoyed/upset by a make up bag on the side rather than underneath.
Is he a weird controlling asshole beyond this or is this just some sort of personal bugbear he has (which I'd suggest is his issue not yours).

Sandinmyhooves · 24/03/2022 09:16

Yeah but she’s not leaving dirty stuff lying around, she literally put her make up bag put on the surface. You can put your shit where you want! What a prick.

PigeonLittle · 24/03/2022 09:16

Ugh, what a prick he is.

SamphiretheStickerist · 24/03/2022 09:17

When he comes home and places his keys up neatly on the key rack/in a bowl, wherever, take them and hide them well. They offend your untidy nature and you cannot abide them being there so perfectly tidy.

And don't give them back. Make him late for work. Have an equal negative impact on his work as he is having on yours. Make him feel the same anger and ineffectualness you are currently feeling.

Then, when he has finished shouting, ask him why his preferences, his work, his rage is so much more important than yours?

He can talk, discuss this, treat you like an equal or he can choose to be petty and ridiculous. You can play his game too, if you chose to. Does he feel safe in his own home knowing that? Is that what he want to live like? Never knowing of the person who is supposed to love him is not above playing stupid little tricks to upset and annoy him?

Because you don't like the thought of that any more than he does!

hennybeans · 24/03/2022 09:17

That's not how an adult treats another adult.

You should have been making an effort to tidy up after yourself if it bothers him. Leaving a mess is childish too. But his actions would really make me see red and are way too controlling when it means you can't do your job properly ( you're not dressed for the part which could be embarrassing at work).

Original poster
AttackCat · 24/03/2022 09:17

@DuggeeHugPlease

To be honest if he's asked you many times before I'd say it's fair enough. I bet you won't do it again!!
Oh I will. It’s not like I do it on purpose, it’s entirely unconscious. It’s like my brain has ticked the box saying “put on make up” as soon as the make up is on my face and it’s moved on to the next thing.
OP posts:
Chloemol · 24/03/2022 09:17

YANBU. He’s being extremely childish

I would ask for it back now, if he refuses then I would simply take all his stuff out of the wardrobe, Putin bin bags and hide that

Then I wouldn’t tell him where it is, he can go to work in the same climbers for the next few days

TibetanTerrah · 24/03/2022 09:17

People siding with him are actually mad Shock It's a make up bag! If it was emptied all over the counter and left there, he's right to be annoyed, but this is SO controlling.

As an adult if I want to leave a make up bag somewhere, I will, it's contained, it's not 'messy' like leaving a dirty glass or plate on the side for someone else to put in the dishwasher. Just because a controlling arse has decided that it should be put somewhere else to be 'away', that doesn't mean I have to obey them.

KeepYaHeadUp · 24/03/2022 09:18

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Surely as an adult and equal in your home and marriage you can leave your make up bag where the fuck you want?
This! Him moving it to the place he wants jt (the cupboard) is one thing but hiding it is shitty. It's your bloody bathroom and if you want your make up bag on the side who is he to overrule you?
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