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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has hidden my make up bag

575 replies

AttackCat · 24/03/2022 09:08

So I am a messy person. DH is a tidy person. This is probably one of the biggest causes of day to day minor disagreements between us.

DH has been complaining about me leaving my make-up bag on the bathroom worktop (it can fit in the cupboard directly under the worktop). He often puts it away if I leave it out (which I often do).

He warned me that if I kept leaving it out, he’d hide it. I went to put my make up on this morning and yes, he has hidden it.

I’m not a huge wearer of make up (I’ll do the school run with a bare face) but I have a client meeting on zoom today so need to look vaguely presentable. I’ve managed to find a tinted moisturiser and a mascara but the make up bag isn’t in any of the bathroom cupboards so he’s properly hidden it.

So who is being unreasonable?

YABU - your fault for being messy
YANBU - DH shouldn’t have hidden your make up even though he’s put up with 20 years of your mess

OP posts:
toomanytwinkies · 27/03/2022 10:39

@Snoozysnoozy

Yet women complain that they have to put the seat down, why?

Most reasons women come up with for this are bollocks.

I’ve never understood this. Men should put the seat down because women sit on the seat, but men need it up so 🤷🏽‍♀️ Why do women trump men in this? Men could say women always need to put it up! 😂
aSofaNearYou · 27/03/2022 10:42

I’ve never understood this. Men should put the seat down because women sit on the seat, but men need it up so 🤷🏽‍♀️ Why do women trump men in this? Men could say women always need to put it up!

Men are perfectly capable of sitting down to pee, their way is the deviation from how the seat is designed to be used.

RustyShackleford3 · 27/03/2022 10:44

I’ve never understood this. Men should put the seat down because women sit on the seat, but men need it up so

Why do they need it up?

TeaStory · 27/03/2022 10:50

Men don’t ‘need’ it up, they choose to. And the lid should be down to prevent spraying to room with bacteria.

Also, makeup shouldn’t be kept in the bathroom! It’s too warm and humid. Plus (maybe this comes from my experience years of sharing one bathroom with several people), it seems selfish to monopolise the bathroom putting makeup on when you can do it in the bedroom, instead of the only room with a toilet.

Snoozysnoozy · 27/03/2022 11:33

their way is the deviation from how the seat is designed to be used.

It's fucking hinged. It's literally designed to be used up or down! Otherwise it wouldn't be movable.

bellac11 · 27/03/2022 11:35

@aSofaNearYou

yet women complain that they have to put the seat down, why?

Because it is dirty and we don't want to touch it. It's designed to be down, you don't actually need it to be up you just choose to use it that way.

Actually very few men have a clear consistent predictable stream, for some of them it dribbles out, for some it splits in two, for others it is inconsistent. I would much rather that any dribbles are on the rim than on my lovely seat thank you very much.
Bertiebiscuit · 27/03/2022 11:36

He's a controlling abuser, kick him out and divorce him before it gets much much worse

Snoozysnoozy · 27/03/2022 11:41

we don't want to touch it

So we have to?

bellac11 · 27/03/2022 11:43

@Snoozysnoozy

we don't want to touch it

So we have to?

Whats wrong with you?

So he wees, leaves the seat up.

You come along and have 'touch the seat' (shudder) and leave the seat down.

He comes along and has to 'touch the seat' (shudder) to put it up.

Why are you so special you cant do that but he has to?

TeaStory · 27/03/2022 11:45

You know men can sit down to pee, right? Women don’t get to choose whether to sit or stand.

Troublesometooth · 27/03/2022 11:45

Hide his phone charger

bellac11 · 27/03/2022 11:48

@TeaStory

You know men can sit down to pee, right? Women don’t get to choose whether to sit or stand.
I suppose they do whateve feels more comfortable and if that is standing I dont think anyone is in a position to ask them to change that

I certainly wouldnt want to be dictated to about how I go to toilet

TeaStory · 27/03/2022 11:52

It’s not about dictating how someone goes to the toilet, you’ve missed my point entirely.

The lid needs to be down for flushing. If a man objects to lifting the seat to pee as well as the lid, then he is free to sit to pee. No one is saying he “has” to lift the seat, it’s a consequence of his choice so he doesn’t get to moan about it.

bellac11 · 27/03/2022 11:53

@TeaStory

It’s not about dictating how someone goes to the toilet, you’ve missed my point entirely.

The lid needs to be down for flushing. If a man objects to lifting the seat to pee as well as the lid, then he is free to sit to pee. No one is saying he “has” to lift the seat, it’s a consequence of his choice so he doesn’t get to moan about it.

I have never put the lid down for flushing and I dont really know anyone who does so this doesnt apply in our house.
Snoozysnoozy · 27/03/2022 12:16

The lid needs to be down for flushing.

So you'll touch the lid but not the seat? Surely the lid gets as dirty, if not dirtier? Unless you somehow completely avoid touching the underside.

aSofaNearYou · 27/03/2022 12:41

*I suppose they do whateve feels more comfortable and if that is standing I dont think anyone is in a position to ask them to change that

I certainly wouldnt want to be dictated to about how I go to toilet*

Nobody's dictating how they use it, just saying broadly speaking they're the ones with the option so it would be courteous of them not to make others suffer based on the choice they make.

Let's not forget men also sit down to poo so the seat being down is definitely the default the majority of the time.

TeaStory · 27/03/2022 12:51

I never said I wouldn’t touch the seat, that was another poster.

TeaStory · 27/03/2022 12:53

@Snoozysnoozy

The lid needs to be down for flushing.

So you'll touch the lid but not the seat? Surely the lid gets as dirty, if not dirtier? Unless you somehow completely avoid touching the underside.

It was another poster who said they didn’t want to touch the seat, not me.

I prefer seat and lid down, but it’s nothing to do with touching it or not.

bellac11 · 27/03/2022 12:55

@aSofaNearYou

*I suppose they do whateve feels more comfortable and if that is standing I dont think anyone is in a position to ask them to change that

I certainly wouldnt want to be dictated to about how I go to toilet*

Nobody's dictating how they use it, just saying broadly speaking they're the ones with the option so it would be courteous of them not to make others suffer based on the choice they make.

Let's not forget men also sit down to poo so the seat being down is definitely the default the majority of the time.

We suffer when we touch the seat?

Dont you wipe yourself? You probably get a pee on your hands then which you then wash off. Although having paid close attention just now, I push the soap dispenser down with my germy hands, turn the tap on with my germy hands, wash my hands so that they then lose the germs and then I gain the germs again by turning the tap off again.

aSofaNearYou · 27/03/2022 13:28

@bellac11 You're being pedantic. We don't suffer in a major way, it's just a minor inconvenience and a minor act of courtesy to spare people that.

bellac11 · 27/03/2022 13:30

[quote aSofaNearYou]@bellac11 You're being pedantic. We don't suffer in a major way, it's just a minor inconvenience and a minor act of courtesy to spare people that. [/quote]
So why didnt you say inconvenience then?

And it doesnt anyway, its hardly an inconvenience to move a seat.

aSofaNearYou · 27/03/2022 13:37

*So why didnt you say inconvenience then?

And it doesnt anyway, its hardly an inconvenience to move a seat.*

Bossy much? Because I meant what I said, you're making others suffer (mildly) something they don't want to have to do, and it would be more courteous not to in the circumstances.

This isn't even the subject of the thread, why are you arguing this so much? You don't decide for others whether they find it to be an inconvenience or not.

bellac11 · 27/03/2022 13:41

@aSofaNearYou

*So why didnt you say inconvenience then?

And it doesnt anyway, its hardly an inconvenience to move a seat.*

Bossy much? Because I meant what I said, you're making others suffer (mildly) something they don't want to have to do, and it would be more courteous not to in the circumstances.

This isn't even the subject of the thread, why are you arguing this so much? You don't decide for others whether they find it to be an inconvenience or not.

So now we are back to 'suffer'

I think you've pulled yourself in knots and now realise it.

aSofaNearYou · 27/03/2022 13:46

*So now we are back to 'suffer'

I think you've pulled yourself in knots and now realise it.*

What are you talking about? I just don't agree with you and for some reason you're trying to patronisingly act like that means I don't know what I'm talking about. And over some trivial.

Yes, we suffer, a little bit. There's nothing in that word that means it has to be a huge amount.

AryaStarkWolf · 27/03/2022 13:54

The toilet lid thing never really bothered me, i grew up in a house with 4 males so it was second nature to put the seat down each time. The very odd time you forget though and just sit is an horrific experience 👀

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