DH has hidden my make up bag

[AttackCat]

So I am a messy person. DH is a tidy person. This is probably one of the biggest causes of day to day minor disagreements between us.

DH has been complaining about me leaving my make-up bag on the bathroom worktop (it can fit in the cupboard directly under the worktop). He often puts it away if I leave it out (which I often do).

He warned me that if I kept leaving it out, he’d hide it. I went to put my make up on this morning and yes, he has hidden it.

I’m not a huge wearer of make up (I’ll do the school run with a bare face) but I have a client meeting on zoom today so need to look vaguely presentable. I’ve managed to find a tinted moisturiser and a mascara but the make up bag isn’t in any of the bathroom cupboards so he’s properly hidden it.

So who is being unreasonable?

YABU - your fault for being messy
YANBU - DH shouldn’t have hidden your make up even though he’s put up with 20 years of your mess

@bellac11 here's what's happening in your house every time someone goes to the toilet. That's fecal matter splattering everywhere

Yes Ive seen it, its never bothered me.

I’m totally with your husband here. I am tidy, husband messy. Mess upsets me. Why should he tidy up after you all the time? Yes, this particular action is a bit petty but he’s trying to make a point because you evidently haven’t given him enough respect to tidy up after yourself in the past and have pushed him too far.

Thanks for your input into this pertinent issue 4 months after the event @Scotland32 ….

I was wondering what the zombie breaker was going to be and how soon anyone would notice. Your quip is a perfect zombie thread response, indeed I think Mumsnet should adopt a standard meme with it on to close zombie threads that are inadvertently reactivated in this fashion.

sounds depressing

i feel for you

What a very childish act by your DH. Is he always this juvenile?

Thanks for your input into this pertinent issue 21 months after the event @velvetoptions

my pleasure 😊

@velvetoptions - genuine question - how did you stumble upon this thread before you posted? I’m intrigued as to how zombie threads get resurrected.

Fancy seeing this thread pop up again 😂

If anyone wants an 18 months on update:

-I am still driving my DH absolutely fucking nuts with my messiness
-He has occasionally hidden things again, and threatens to throw my stuff in the bin when he reaches peak exasperation
-I have been formally diagnosed with inattentive ADHD (the armchair diagnoses were spot-on)
-I’m trying to get better but not really getting anywhere
-DH is trying to understand my ADHD but I still drive him up the wall
-Somehow we still tolerate each other!

Hello fellow inattentive ADHDer!

I found this book really helpful for tidiness and organisation tips.

Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD, 3rd Edition: Tips and Tools to Help You Take Charge of Your Life and Get Organized amzn.eu/d/73t2Hy2

Amazing tips such as having things you need where you need them, don't have too much stuff (reduce the stuff you have to tidy and manage and not lose!, and don't fill shelves or cupboards as then you'll have nowhere to put anything. Very normal to a lot of people I imagine but my mind was blown! So helpful and has really helped with my tidiness.

The other thing that really helps is having a cleaner as it gives you a tidying deadline! And as you will know a deadline is one of the things that gets an ADHD mind working. Means my house is clean and tidy at least once a fortnight!

Good luck but know that just trying harder and trying not to have ADHD won't work. You need specific tips and tricks that work for ADHDers and to remember that strategies don't cure ADHD so you even if you find things that work for you, you will still get it "wrong" about 20% of the time. And that's ok. You can't help having a neurodevelopmental condition.

Thank you. I've been lobbying DH that we need a cleaner for exactly that reason - I need the deadline! We've had cleaners in the past and I might be frantically tidying up at 2am the night before they come, but it gets done!

Also really needed to hear these things today:

know that just trying harder and trying not to have ADHD won't work

And that's ok. You can't help having a neurodevelopmental condition.

Really struggling with pre-Xmas overwhelm and dropping balls left right and centre and the temptation to just waste my energy beating myself up about it is huge.

if you are tidy it is massively annoying to live with someone who cannot be arsed to put their staff away. I think it's a dick move on some levels but also understandable. Just keep shared spaced tidy. it's not that hard!

But things that are used every day in the bathroom don't need to be 'put away' do they?

I can understand annoyance at leaving shoes in the middle of the living room, or papers all over the kitchen worktop, but not leaving things available to be used in the room where the purpose is using those items (and not for other things like a kitchen, or relaxing in like a living room).

OP does his shaving foam, shower gel etc get put away and brought out every time he uses them?

@BarbaraofSeville I put my make up bag in cupboard under sink every day.

DH's dream would be a completely minimalist home in which everything lived behind a cupboard door unless it was in use!

We have a tucked-away shelf area for toothbrushes toothpaste and shaving stuff. His ideal would be nothing on the bathroom counter except handsoap.

DH's dream would be a completely minimalist home in which everything lived behind a cupboard door unless it was in use!

and yet he married you. It doesn’t make sense!

People marry across religious, political and cultural divides, but no relationship can withstand different preferences in home storage solutions.

I think you should maybe move to a house with your own bedrooms and bathrooms so you can both live peacefully

Well, I did wonder looking at the dates why this popped up again 😁

I actually keep my make up bag in my handbag

Cleaner here.. I have a customer with adhd among other stuff going on. Her therapist actually suggested she get a cleaner. She says her mh has vastly improved since I started.. She has even managed to return to her job after a spell off struggling..

The psychiatrist who diagnosed me told me to get a cleaner! We’ve been in the middle of some home renovations which is why we don’t have one at the moment but it’s top of my list for when we are through it! If I could find a cleaner who wouldn’t mind putting my make up bag away for me, it’d be a win-win!

I could get behind this idea. Or at least separate wings of the same house!