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AIBU?

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Original poster

40th Birthday disappointment

254 replies

Mumof3boysand1girl · 23/03/2022 23:50

It’s my 40th today , my partner didn’t get a card for the kids to give me. Had nothing planned or arranged for me.

His 40th I went all
Out and threw a 40th party with his family and friends and my family too. I made it all about him, took him for food tasting , designed his cake , took him shopping for his outfit, made a playlist , got a back drop and a gorgeous balloon arch for his stage and cake and desserts table .

I know I would get so much for my 40th but I did hope I would get a cake that wasn’t bought last minute .

OP posts:
UnsuitableHat · 23/03/2022 23:51

Sorry to hear this - has he got form for being thoughtless?
Happy birthday!

BluebellsGreenbells · 23/03/2022 23:52

Don’t bother again and tell him how crap he’s made you feel. And undervalued!!

holidayplanner2020 · 23/03/2022 23:54

Happy birthday! Do you think he might have something planned for the weekend?

How do you think he'd take it if you told him you were upset by his lack of effort?

holidayplanner2020 · 23/03/2022 23:54

And absolutely don't make so much effort for him again if this is all he's done for you.

fourandnomore · 23/03/2022 23:55

That’s really awful, I know people express things differently but to not even get a card is really not ok. I’m sorry that your day hasn’t been what you’d hoped and happy birthday!

Nannyamc · 23/03/2022 23:56

Happy Birthday. My DH did not appear to acknowledge mine. Next day was whisked off to Paris for 4 days.

Crucible · 24/03/2022 00:00

Same for me 5 years ago. I made his 50th as special as I could. My 40th was an utter let down. I got a single ticket to see a ballet on my own. I felt a prize idiot there, drinking a g and t alone at intermission. The day itself, well, I had to say I was going to the pub for lunch. He came with me at least. Was guilted into making me dinner that evening having ignored me all afternoon playing computer games once we got home. Total non event. Now feel stupid for all the effort I went to for his 50th. Still hurts. Never been the same since. No point saying anything as what's the point asking someone after the fact to have cared about you enough.

Kite22 · 24/03/2022 00:00

YANBU to be disappointed he hasn't done anything.

How old are the dc?

The fact you like planning big fancy parties, arranging balloon arches and play lists doesn't mean he should. I always think if someone wants a big fancy party then they should arrange it.

It is poor that he hasn't asked what you would like and arranged to go away or go for a meal or do something with friends or with family if that is what you said you wanted though.

WalrusSubmarine · 24/03/2022 00:03

Happy birthday!!!

I hope someone has organised something nice for you and if not get his credit card out and get something booked you’d enjoy.

Mine was mid pandemic and very low key (but I liked that! I also find it really stressful planning things for others - brings out the perfectionist panic).

Chloemol · 24/03/2022 00:26

So I would let him know how upset and disappointed you are,be specially after all you did for him

Then when he is 50 leave him to sort his own birthday out

Original poster
Mumof3boysand1girl · 24/03/2022 00:48

He has nothing planned . He is too consumed with work , football and his toilet time …

He didn’t even have a card for the children to give me in the morning .

Honestly , I’d ignore everything if he just had my children give me a card in the morning . It would set the tone for the day .

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumof3boysand1girl · 24/03/2022 00:52

I totally agree with you , your points are valid .

But there has been zero communication on what I’d like . I know he is a man and I know men generally aren’t all creative but if he was stuck on what I want he just has to communication on what and how I’d like to celebrate would have been nice and I’d be happier .

OP posts:
londonmummy1966 · 24/03/2022 00:53

@Mumof3boysand1girl

He has nothing planned . He is too consumed with work , football and his toilet time …

He didn’t even have a card for the children to give me in the morning .

Honestly , I’d ignore everything if he just had my children give me a card in the morning . It would set the tone for the day .

Best revenge is to have no loo roll, not to wash his football kit and to invite your mates round for a raucous party next time there is a big match on tv...
Original poster
Mumof3boysand1girl · 24/03/2022 00:55

My sisters and mum and auntie planned a surprise meal which was lovely but he had zero input or idea of it . After this party I thought oh perhaps he has something planned as my family kept this as a ladies only meal as I have 1837489328493 relatives . Same thing happened on my 30th … no party . No celebrations . Just hoped 40th would be better .

OP posts:
Sofasogood1 · 24/03/2022 00:56

Happy birthday op! I'm sorry it was a let down. Sorry to say but this isn't a 'man' thing this is just your partner.

I would be very upset and disappointed.

Maybe a bit of an overreaction but 40 is young and I'd rather be alone than with someone who treated me like this...

Original poster
Mumof3boysand1girl · 24/03/2022 00:56

Thank you for the birthday wishes .

That’s an idea. Splash out on a shopping spree

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumof3boysand1girl · 24/03/2022 00:58

He knows the extent of my disappointment, he has had reams of text message explaining . They were polite nd civilised . I don’t think I’d be able to contain my disappointment if I verbally told him . And the last thing I’d want is an argument on my birthday day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumof3boysand1girl · 24/03/2022 01:00

You are probably right it’s just my partner . I know other men take time out and make their partner feel special .

OP posts:
FlowerArranger · 24/03/2022 01:01

@Mumof3boysand1girl

Thank you for the birthday wishes .

That’s an idea. Splash out on a shopping spree

I'd save up for a good divorce lawyer TBH.

However, given that past behavior is a sure fire predictor of future behavior, why were you surprised?

Same thing happened on my 30th … no party . No celebrations . Just hoped 40th would be better

Original poster
Mumof3boysand1girl · 24/03/2022 01:02

Hahahahahhaahhaha I’m rolling with you on that idea !!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumof3boysand1girl · 24/03/2022 01:03

He will be lucky if I make him dinner on his 50th

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumof3boysand1girl · 24/03/2022 01:07

Gosh, sounds terrible, I don’t want to settle for less all the time , especially when it is less and less each year .

It’s never on the forefront , it’s only football , work , clash of fucking clans on his phone and his toilet time .

OP posts:
LadyBadenPowellsHat · 24/03/2022 01:31

You tell him right now that he's throwing you a big fucking knees up for your 41st and that he starts giving a damn about you and making an effort to spoil you when it's warranted, or he can leave so you've time to find someone else who will treat you as well as you deserve, before you die. My partner is an epic fail at this stuff too, we both have milestone birthdays this year and I've suggested so many things but I know nothing has been planned and it'll just be me buying some of the things we both want... Luckily the kids will fuss me.

AgathaMystery · 24/03/2022 01:35

Happy birthday OP.

Dare I ask, what is ‘toilet time’ Hmm

Newestname002 · 24/03/2022 02:23

Sorry @Mumof3boysand1girl but I agree with this...

I'd save up for a good divorce lawyer TBH.

However, given that past behavior is a sure fire predictor of future behavior, why were you surprised?

Same thing happened on my 30th … no party . No celebrations . Just hoped 40th would be better

Apart from the intermediate future birthdays you now have your 50th, 60th etc birthdays where he'll do the same as he did for your 30th and 40th birthdays.. He's only going to be at least as uncaring isn't he? 🌹