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Original poster

40th Birthday disappointment

254 replies

Mumof3boysand1girl · 23/03/2022 23:50

It’s my 40th today , my partner didn’t get a card for the kids to give me. Had nothing planned or arranged for me.

His 40th I went all
Out and threw a 40th party with his family and friends and my family too. I made it all about him, took him for food tasting , designed his cake , took him shopping for his outfit, made a playlist , got a back drop and a gorgeous balloon arch for his stage and cake and desserts table .

I know I would get so much for my 40th but I did hope I would get a cake that wasn’t bought last minute .

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 24/03/2022 06:06

My DH doesn't make a fuss of my birthday, but he at least doesn't forget it. He is very forgetful and has asked that I don't make a martyr of myself by not saying anything. So I usually say "what shall we do for my birthday?"

His birthday is straight after Christmas so he doesn't make a big deal of it. He hates parties or having people making a fuss of him.I

Did you actually ask your husband what you are doing for your birthday?

girlmom21 · 24/03/2022 06:11

How old are your children?

Chickychickydodah · 24/03/2022 06:14

Happy Birthday 💐,
Ditch the kids and come up and see me and we can go out for lunch then a pub crawl. It’s my big birthday soon so we can enjoy it together x

JaneyJimplin · 24/03/2022 06:16

I'm sorry you were let down. Belated happy birthday.

That said, the party you threw him - did you throw him the kind of celebration that you'd like rather than him? The party with a stage and all that is my worst nightmare. I've got a big birthday next year and I've already categorically told dh not to arrange any big party or even a group family meal where I'm the sole focus. The thought alone makes me nervous and full of cringe. Not everyone automatically likes a party in their honour.

So I wonder if you arranged him the celebration that you would want, and he gave you the celebration he'd want.

He should've sorted a card from the kids though, even if it was hand made.

Kylereese · 24/03/2022 06:20

I’m going to be harsh but I see lots women on here moaning their partners didn’t even get them a card on their birthdays.

If you allow your bar to be set that low from the start that someone who loves you enough to bear their children but can’t even go to the corner shop the night before for a £2 card isn’t worth your salt.

TunaPlastic · 24/03/2022 06:21

Like @starrynight21 it changed my 'effort' but also wiped out the guilt for DH.
His 30th - he organized a big house share when we had no money
My 30th - I went to work, no effort made later
His 40th - another house share with mates,still no money, plus childcare complications
My 40th - I bought a solitary ticket to see a band that he liked but he refused, was still bitter about not seeing when they were starting out. He bought me a solitary theatre ticket to a play. On the day nothing, no card,meal, early work finish.
Then there was the year he did nothing for Xmas. And no crazy memorable events on non landmark., The laughing at even thinking about Mothers day.

So it has been liberating in a sad way. a token effort for his 50th in lockdown, more for the kids. And he wonders why I celebrate the dog.

Circlesandtriangles · 24/03/2022 06:22

He didn't get you anything at all for your birthday?! The selfish prick! That's just so shoddy, he completely takes you for granted. I would find it really hard to be bothered with my OH at all if this was how he handled my birthday. You didn't even want a lot, just some bloody sign he thought of you and make the smallest effort. Sorry he is useless, you deserve better!

Justilou1 · 24/03/2022 06:28

I just do t understand how so many blokes don’t see it as “their job” to think about their life partner in the same way that we do. (Mine forgot my 40th too. I’m 50 this year and there had better be something more exciting to report.) Happy Bday from Australia. I hope you have a lovely time being spoiled by the rest of your family and make sure that everyone knows he’s a fuckup. He doesn’t deserve to have you “protect his feelings”. He needs to know that you’re comparing the depth of his feelings for you (empty words) to tangible proof that you mean so much more to everyone else’s right now.

Rafting2022 · 24/03/2022 06:28

What kind of message is this sending to your kids?

Hallmark1234 · 24/03/2022 06:39

I think you should 'forget' to have sex with him!

pilates · 24/03/2022 06:41

How sad and disappointing you are married to a selfish git.

This can’t be a one off, he must be a prick in other ways?

Also what the heck is toilet time?

Lilac57 · 24/03/2022 06:42

I mean, if he's not going to make a fuss of you on your 40th, when is he? Presumably he's not considerate or loving at other times either? Is it worth staying in this relationship if you're not shown any care? And what's with the "toilet time" anyway? Does he have digestive issues, or do he just use it as an excuse to spend time on this phone? He sounds like a bit of a loser I'm afraid OP.

Lilac57 · 24/03/2022 06:42

*his phone.

neveradullmoment99 · 24/03/2022 06:45

No gift?
Clearly doesn't give a shot.
I wouldn't get him anything ever again.
Why did your kids not make a card?

neveradullmoment99 · 24/03/2022 06:46

Shit not shot

anotherheadache · 24/03/2022 06:48

What did he respond to the messages op? Has he genuinely apologised or does he think you're over reacting?

As others have said, don't try and minimise things by saying it's a 'men' thing, it's not. My DH is definitely not perfect but he always tries to make me feel special. You deserve better OP.

Shoxfordian · 24/03/2022 06:52

I don’t understand why you thought anything had changed in 10 years; he clearly knows you’ll just put up with his selfish inconsiderate behaviour and you’ll be back here in 10 years time saying he did nothing for your 50th

Don’t stay with someone who doesn’t make you happy

Lubeyboobyalt · 24/03/2022 06:52

@Mumof3boysand1girl

Gosh, sounds terrible, I don’t want to settle for less all the time , especially when it is less and less each year .

It’s never on the forefront , it’s only football , work , clash of fucking clans on his phone and his toilet time .

you know what I'm thinking you could get yourself... a lifetime supply of freedom from a useless partner
Beseen22 · 24/03/2022 06:55

I remember a friend telling me a story about her DH giving her an unwrapped book with no card for her 30th. Then this year he wrapped the present but again no card and no little token gift from their 2 kids. She was saying it as if it was a 'oh aren't men annoying' thing but I was quite disgusted.

It's not about the big parties or expensive gifts, a nice card that he's bought with a drawing from the kids in with a thoughtful wrapped present is worth so much more than jewellery or designer gifts.

neveradullmoment99 · 24/03/2022 06:59

@Beseen22

I remember a friend telling me a story about her DH giving her an unwrapped book with no card for her 30th. Then this year he wrapped the present but again no card and no little token gift from their 2 kids. She was saying it as if it was a 'oh aren't men annoying' thing but I was quite disgusted.

It's not about the big parties or expensive gifts, a nice card that he's bought with a drawing from the kids in with a thoughtful wrapped present is worth so much more than jewellery or designer gifts.

This!
neveradullmoment99 · 24/03/2022 07:01

I don't tend to get a card ( which I don't care about) but always a gift on my birthday and a wee something, even a bar of choc from kids. He always does a meaningful thing. My kids wouldn't let him away with it!

nzborn · 24/03/2022 07:19

Happy 40th if you PM me your address I would love to acknowledge your birthday with a present.

Original poster
Mumof3boysand1girl · 24/03/2022 07:20

Lol … he just spends ages on the shitter. Has IBS I think .

OP posts:
2DogsOnMySofa · 24/03/2022 07:24

All the people saying they wouldn't like a big bash are missing the point. The op has said she'd have been happy with a card from her dc. It's less about the amount and extravagance, and more about the total lack of thought. It doesn't take much money to make a fuss of someone, a home made card from the dc, maybe a home made banner and her favourite meal made.

I'm with you op, I'd be really upset. Is he always so selfish and disconnected from the family?

Stayingstrongish · 24/03/2022 07:32

I got more for my ex who I’m not that fond of for his 40th (a card from the kids and a small present) than your husband did for you! Shocking.