Is this rude? Because it drives me bonkers

[MargeSimpson79]

Me, dh and 2 dc. We eat together in the evenings if we can. Pretty much as soon as dh has finished he gets up, takes his plate out and goes to sit in the lounge with the tv on even though everyone else is still eating. He always says that’s how he was brought up and what he prefers to do.

I on the other hand feel like we should sit with the dc while they’re eating - it’s nice family chatting time. Or at the very least I will potter in the kitchen tidying up - it’s open plan. They’re 10 and 7 so it’s not like they can’t be left to eat, i just think it’s really rude to bugger off and leave 3 out of 4 of your family still eating.

Is it? Or is it pretty normal that adults leave the table while others are still eating? In a way I’d be quite happy to hear it’s normal because then I’d probably chill out about it!

Pretty rude

What's 'normal'?

If he's basically alright in other ways, I'd say pick your battles...

Very rude. Tell him he was badly brought up 😉

Very rude imo.

I think it depends on what you did when you were bought up. I was always told to ask to get down and that translates to excusing yourself as you get older. But my DH's family just get up and wander off when done. I think it also depends on how well you can tolerate the sound of eating..

Of course it's rude.

I do get up as soon as I’ve finished, but get on with the washing up, not go & watch the telly!

My youngest daughter takes too long to finish her meal, anyway. I couldn’t just sit there waiting for her to finish before I can crack on.

Could he get on with the washing up instead if he doesn’t want to stay at the table?

It’s rude and childish. You stay at the table until everyone is finished, although we do sometimes make an exception when the littlest one is being deliberately slow and awkward.

I couldn't stand that,it seems really rude to me.

Does he ever help clean up after dinner? Or is it just getting up and heading off too watch TV, leaving you to clean up and give the children attention?

I think it's rude and mealtimes are a good chance to spend time with your family.

Has he always done this because if so, you've clearly accepted it for years given the ages of your kids.

It’s really rude

I think it’s rude. My ex husband used to do this and it drove me potty.

I always get up when I'm finished so I can crack on with the washing up while the kids natter and finish their meal. It's what my mum did too. Can't see it's a problem tbh but if it's a problem for you then maybe address it with him? It's not a hill I'd die on though if he's otherwise a good husband and father 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's rude. My husband used to do this until we spoke about it. He eats really fast so he'd scoff it down and seconds and then jump up and be off leaving me eating on my own, which I think is especially rude when I've taken the time to cook it.

He doesn't do it now and will sit and chat if he's finished, unless there's a special reason for him to leave the table e.g. he's got work to finish.

Yes!

It drives me a bit nuts, DH does it differently as he goes off to tidy up the dinner stuff, and makes me feel guilty if I don't rush to help him (he doesn't say anything, I just feel bad!)

I just really like meal times. We have two teenage boys who we don't see much of, certainly not together, and it's a nice time for us all to sit and chat

Would he be okay if one of the DC did the same while he was eating?

I’m with you, I think that’s awful. Like he doesn’t think any of you are worth chatting to or spending time with once his plate is empty.

I wouldn’t have waited 10 years to tell him either!

Very rude indeed. He needs to grow up and lead by example.

In our house, everyone sits at the table until the meal is over for all. Then there’s a communal clear down/load dishwasher. This is just basic manners.

It's rude. You all stay at the table until everyone is finsished.

DS2 has recently taken to urgently needing the loo as soon as he's finished. Which is infuriating, but I can hardly to force him to stay....can I?

Definitely rude! I was taught to ask to get down but the answer was generally to wait until everyone was finished unless it was because you needed the toilet or something. Leaving others eating so he can watch tv is incredibly rude.

Mine does this, I agree it’s v rude

rude

It’s very rude. Getting up to start the washing-up is ok, though, or clearing the table ready for dessert, if you’re all in the kitchen and can still chat. Obviously, you wouldn’t do that either if you have guests.

Rude IMO. If one of us does this we always say something like ‘do you mind if I crack on with…?’ Or ‘excuse me, I need to…’ as we recognise it’s rude.

I love the chat after a meal and if one adult leaves the table as soon as they've finished eating it changes the dynamics. Though possibly in your case for th better and you can sit and chat to your two dc.

It was always considered rude to leave the table before everyone had finished eating as it was bad manners - same as you wouldn't clear a table before everyone has finished.

When not exclude your dp and give him a tray in the lounge and you three can eat at the table and have a laugh and joke without him?