Is this rude? Because it drives me bonkers

[MargeSimpson79]

Me, dh and 2 dc. We eat together in the evenings if we can. Pretty much as soon as dh has finished he gets up, takes his plate out and goes to sit in the lounge with the tv on even though everyone else is still eating. He always says that’s how he was brought up and what he prefers to do.

I on the other hand feel like we should sit with the dc while they’re eating - it’s nice family chatting time. Or at the very least I will potter in the kitchen tidying up - it’s open plan. They’re 10 and 7 so it’s not like they can’t be left to eat, i just think it’s really rude to bugger off and leave 3 out of 4 of your family still eating.

Is it? Or is it pretty normal that adults leave the table while others are still eating? In a way I’d be quite happy to hear it’s normal because then I’d probably chill out about it!

Really rude. Would he be ok if you or the children did that?

Yes it's rude and setting a bad example for the children. If you aren't there does he just leave them alone?

hide the remote

Oh god I hated being made to sit at the table waiting for other people to finish when I was growing up so we've never had this rule in our house. I hate rules that are just for rules sake because 'it's considered polite'.

Read somewhere that the one thing which correlates the most with academic success in children, is whether they eat their meals with their parents. ( Presumably because they hear adult conversation and it's an opportunity for their parents to show interest?)

Tell him this.

Breathtakingly rude! I’d be furious – if he’s allowed to do that, it sends the message to the DC they can just hop down and stick the TV on. I’d honestly stop cooking for him till he started behaving like an adult and sat up to fucking table.

Rude and very disrespectful. It’s signaling that only the food was important, not your company.

Are there cultural differences? DH's family are not European. Food in the in-laws house is self-served from the stove or on the table, people come and go as they please. I really like it, it's very informal.

I think it depends on what you did when you were bought up

No it doesn't! It's rude. He should eat a bit slower so that he isn't finished before everyone else. Children asking to get down is an exception for children who are too young to have the manners to wait, or if adults are lingering over their wine and conversation. I'd generally expect children to wait till every one has finished eating anyway, as long as it's not unreasonably long.

RUDE!

Incredibly rude.

That's rude and sets a bad example to the kids

If you want to leave when you’ve finished in my house you can. Watching other people eat is deeply uncomfortable for me and sitting there whilst others chew and use cutlery on plates etc goes through me.

@Gowithme

Oh god I hated being made to sit at the table waiting for other people to finish when I was growing up so we've never had this rule in our house. I hate rules that are just for rules sake because 'it's considered polite'.

It’s not for rule’s sake. It changes the activity from a group one to an individual one. The rejection of group time is what’s rude. He’s basically choosing the tv over spending a few minutes with his family.

@stuntbubbles

Breathtakingly rude! I’d be furious – if he’s allowed to do that, it sends the message to the DC they can just hop down and stick the TV on. I’d honestly stop cooking for him till he started behaving like an adult and sat up to fucking table.

Agreed! Hugely disrespectful

Rude. Your dcs will just walk off when they're older and not ask if they can leave the table as he's setting a bad example and no one could blame them.

This is one of those things that is completely subjective. I don't find it rude to leave the table while others are eating, I find it weird to be expected to stay. It's selfish to sit straight down in front of the TV without helping to clean up, though, especially if you cooked and it needs doing.

It's rude. I was raised to not leave the table until everyone had finished. Even then we had to ask to get down!

I often am first to finish eating and I do get up and start washing up, putting away left overs and such. I can’t stand to just sit there with a dirty plate and make small talk while others chew and chew as slow as a milk cow. Drives me bonkers.

So I don’t think it’s rude to get up before everyone is done eating. I do think it’s rude to just eat and then go watch tv without any chit chat at all. So I’d ask your DH to stay and at least start the clean up process if he can’t sit still while everyone else is finishing eating.

Can you call him to the table 5mins after everyone else?

It's really rude. Even worse if he doesn't even start tidying up. When your boys are teens they'll do the same and leave you to skivvy around them. Nip it in the bud asap.

@DetailMouse

It's rude. You all stay at the table until everyone is finsished.

DS2 has recently taken to urgently needing the loo as soon as he's finished. Which is infuriating, but I can hardly to force him to stay....can I?

Of course he can go to the loo. And once’s he’s done in there he can return to the table.

It might help if occasionally and unpredictability dessert is offered to those who are still at the table when everyone is finished.

He wants peace to zone out.
I wouldnt like it and its teaching the kids bad manners unless they are also asking to be excused?
Does he make an effort to catch up with them at a different time?

Going to go against the grain here, I get up once I've finished. But I prefer a much more informal arrangement where stuff is on the side and people come and go. I find sitting round a table trying to make chit chat quite forced and intense. I've never liked it. I think it's a kick back to the very formal intense mealtimes I had as a kid where we had to sit for ages quietly listening to adults talking. So I was brought up to do this, my reaction to it is a kick back. But I'm conscious that's to do with me. My ADHD means I find it tough.

Rude!!

Yuck, I can't stand adults who don't possess basic table manners, it's gross. I would not stand for this. It's equally gross to go and start the washing up while people are still eating. Can't believe how many people on this thread can't display basic manners