Is this rude? Because it drives me bonkers

[MargeSimpson79]

Me, dh and 2 dc. We eat together in the evenings if we can. Pretty much as soon as dh has finished he gets up, takes his plate out and goes to sit in the lounge with the tv on even though everyone else is still eating. He always says that’s how he was brought up and what he prefers to do.

I on the other hand feel like we should sit with the dc while they’re eating - it’s nice family chatting time. Or at the very least I will potter in the kitchen tidying up - it’s open plan. They’re 10 and 7 so it’s not like they can’t be left to eat, i just think it’s really rude to bugger off and leave 3 out of 4 of your family still eating.

Is it? Or is it pretty normal that adults leave the table while others are still eating? In a way I’d be quite happy to hear it’s normal because then I’d probably chill out about it!

Well I think it’s clear from this thread that there are 2 types of dinner times. Those where it is more canteen style where it sounds like the woman of the house cooks, calls everyone to come and get their food, they eat as soon as it’s put in front of them without much talking so it’s all over with fairly fast, and each person gets up to leave when they’ve finished leaving the woman to clean it all up after them. And no doubt doesn’t thank or compliment whoever has cooked for doing it. This does sound like a works or school canteen more than anything. It feels a bit old fashioned straight up sexist to me, “tea on the table for the man of the house at 5.30/pipe and slippers/he should have control of the telly and children should not be bothering their dad”

I think if you did a survey, in most 2 adult households people would do it the other way. Ie the adults share responsibility for the cooking, dishing up, supervising the kids, chatting with everyone, which happens naturally if you all get on, and is enjoyable (gasp!) - none of this Margot Leadbetter awkward forced atmosphere (how sad if that’s how it feels to you). And when everyone is finished there is shared tidying up (even if that’s just the 2 adults and you’re ok for the kids to go off and play or do homework or get back to chatting online with their mates).

I understand that no family life is perfect and sometimes the atmosphere is a bit tense if you’ve had a disagreement with your partner and you might not linger or do pleasant chit chat at the dinner table then. But generally I think most families do it the second way, not the old fashioned “the woman gets the family fed and watered” way.

@Curlyhairedassassin If the assumption is that all households where people aren't required to stay until the last second do things the first way, then you're wrong.

We do things the second way - shared responsibilities, cleaning up, pleasant chit chat at the table... but then people generally get up when they are done.

It's rude because it shows he has zero interest in either interacting with his family or in ensuring he does his fair share order the cleanup.

*share of, not order 🤦‍♀️

We wait until the last person is finished as we talk to each other and then clear up, does he do this at say Christmas or a significant celebration birthday/wedding?

@satelliteheart

Yuck, I can't stand adults who don't possess basic table manners, it's gross. I would not stand for this. It's equally gross to go and start the washing up while people are still eating. Can't believe how many people on this thread can't display basic manners

I'm not sure you quite understand what the word 'Yuck' means!

Small update:
So tonight youngest dc finished first and just disappeared into the lounge without even saying anything. I made him come back and then said to everyone I think we should all start waiting for everyone to finish before leaving the table to go and do other things - manners have become a bit lacking in this house. Dh was nodding along agreeing and telling dc to stay sitting when I added that of course this includes the grown ups as well….. ‘what, you mean me too?!?’ Er YES! Can’t have that as a rule for the children and not apply it to ourselves. He was clearly not happy but did stay and chat so we will see how long it lasts for this time!