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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this rude? Because it drives me bonkers

282 replies

MargeSimpson79 · 23/03/2022 19:14

Me, dh and 2 dc. We eat together in the evenings if we can. Pretty much as soon as dh has finished he gets up, takes his plate out and goes to sit in the lounge with the tv on even though everyone else is still eating. He always says that’s how he was brought up and what he prefers to do.

I on the other hand feel like we should sit with the dc while they’re eating - it’s nice family chatting time. Or at the very least I will potter in the kitchen tidying up - it’s open plan. They’re 10 and 7 so it’s not like they can’t be left to eat, i just think it’s really rude to bugger off and leave 3 out of 4 of your family still eating.

Is it? Or is it pretty normal that adults leave the table while others are still eating? In a way I’d be quite happy to hear it’s normal because then I’d probably chill out about it!

OP posts:
ScreamingBeans · 23/03/2022 21:09

Your DH is a savage.

Also, who puts all the dinner stuff in the dishwasher and tidies round? Does he come in from the TV room once the kids have finished eating and put dishes away, wipe surfaces etc.? Or is that left to you and/ or the kids?

VeganCow · 23/03/2022 21:10

I don't think it's rude. It wouldn't bother me at all. Let him go and watch tv

XmeansX · 23/03/2022 21:11

Growing we had to wait for everyone to finish and my stepdad was the slowest eater IN THE WORLD then we had to say “please may I leave the table”… as an adult I hate this it’s about control. I couldn’t care less if F finished before K and left

XingMing · 23/03/2022 21:11

It's rude. Mealtimes are all about family conversations. If you rush away from the table at main meals, without good reason, then you indicate that family time and conversation is unimportant.

Hollywolly1 · 23/03/2022 21:12

I think all these frikkin rules only drive children nuts

eldora · 23/03/2022 21:13

@VeganCow

I don't think it's rude. It wouldn't bother me at all. Let him go and watch tv
Yep, cook for him, wash his dishes and send him off to relax.
BikiniB0tt0m · 23/03/2022 21:14

Dinner time is the one time we are all together so yes I would say it's very rude and a bad example to the kids. I mean help clear up at least. It would annoy me no end.

XingMing · 23/03/2022 21:15

Also, who puts all the dinner stuff in the dishwasher and tidies round? Does he come in from the TV room once the kids have finished eating and put dishes away, wipe surfaces etc.? Or is that left to you and/ or the kids?

Who cares who does it? What matters is that it is done, so the next day starts with a clean fresh tidy kitchen.

NotNotNotMyName · 23/03/2022 21:15

Really rude on a regular basis but ok I suppose if v tired or unwell.

Hbh17 · 23/03/2022 21:16

Nobody should leave the table until everyone has finished - pretty much everyone was brought up with that basic rule.

Justleaveitblankthen · 23/03/2022 21:16

Yes, it's really rude of him.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 23/03/2022 21:16

Rude.
Eating together as a family is a social activity. Eat and run is just re-fuelling.

It’s acceptable at breakfast, everyone on the run.

But not a family meal, that someone has prepared.

BikiniB0tt0m · 23/03/2022 21:17

@Hollywolly1

I think all these frikkin rules only drive children nuts
No some kids actually like attention off their parents and to catch up. Eating with family helps kids with social skills.
aSofaNearYou · 23/03/2022 21:17

@Hbh17

Nobody should leave the table until everyone has finished - pretty much everyone was brought up with that basic rule.
Except for all the many people who weren't.
Daffodils22 · 23/03/2022 21:17

It really isn’t the end of the world is it. Life really is too short worry about such trivial issues. IMO

CurlyhairedAssassin · 23/03/2022 21:17

YANBU. It's bloody terrible manners, and I have tonnes of empathy because given half a chance DH would do exactly the same. We were brought up quite differently. In my family growing up dinners were social occasions. I guess my family was a bit more middle class and so there were certain table manners that you had to observe. Things like you put your knife and fork together when you've finished. One of them was everyone remaining at the table until everyone had finished their food.

In DH's family, family meal times are not very ceremonious. Well, they have improved over the years but I was a bit taken aback at the differences when I first got to know them all. It's MIL on her own in the kitchen in a catering capacity, calling everyone to the table, putting a plate of food down in front of you, not much convo, just eating, and then FIL disppears when he's done. Literally puts his knife and fork down any old way on the plate, gets up and goes in the other room to carry on watching telly. Doesn't matter if other people are still eating. I find this so rude. It IS so rude. It's a bit "pigs at a trough", isn't it? And if anyone was to start clearing the table while I was still eating I'd also find that rude and offputting, and it would either make me rush my food because I'd feel I was taking too long and they wanted my plate, or I'd just stop eating.

Actually, that's changed a bit over the years. That doesn't happen so often now, perhaps they've realised that it's unusual, what they used to do.

I remember booking a meal out at a pub restaurant with future inlaws, to meet my parents, when DH and I had just got engaged. We booked for 7pm as DH and I were at work till nearly 6. When it came to ordering they said they'd already eaten at 5pm so would only have a snack. It just seemed like they view food as fuel rather than as a social thing. I guess it's what you're used to. They had a large multi generational household when DH was growing up and probably hardly ever went out to a restaurant for a social occasion as there were too many of them and it was just too expensive.

Daffodils22 · 23/03/2022 21:18

@VeganCow

I don't think it's rude. It wouldn't bother me at all. Let him go and watch tv
This
ScreamingBeans · 23/03/2022 21:21

@XingMing

Also, who puts all the dinner stuff in the dishwasher and tidies round? Does he come in from the TV room once the kids have finished eating and put dishes away, wipe surfaces etc.? Or is that left to you and/ or the kids?

Who cares who does it? What matters is that it is done, so the next day starts with a clean fresh tidy kitchen.

LOL.

Who cares? The person doing it, I would think.

If I were the one dumped with it every evening because the other able-bodied adult I lived with was watching TV, I'd be pissed off.

I expect to have roughly the same amount of leisure time as the other able bodied adults in the house, call me a princess.

ChickenStripper · 23/03/2022 21:21

Has this being going on all of these years or has it just started?

eldora · 23/03/2022 21:23

@XingMing

Also, who puts all the dinner stuff in the dishwasher and tidies round? Does he come in from the TV room once the kids have finished eating and put dishes away, wipe surfaces etc.? Or is that left to you and/ or the kids?

Who cares who does it? What matters is that it is done, so the next day starts with a clean fresh tidy kitchen.

🙄

Why don’t you go and do it?

ChickenStripper · 23/03/2022 21:23

@Daffodils22

It really isn’t the end of the world is it. Life really is too short worry about such trivial issues. IMO
It's not trivial though - it's part of a man playing an important part in his family life, a chance to catch up , a time to discuss things, air issues etc and to quite simply communicate . Maybe you have lower standards for family life.
irregularegular · 23/03/2022 21:24

It's rude. It's something I have to battle over a bit with teen son. DH and I would never do it. Not unless we had to rush out for something.

Nannewnannew · 23/03/2022 21:24

Very rude I think. My sister in law does this, gets up, takes her plate and it makes me feel quite uncomfortable. Also if she has a packet of mints she will offer me the first one and then scoff the rest! I’m perplexed really because she’s a very kind and caring person normally apart from these two things.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/03/2022 21:25

Read somewhere that the one thing which correlates the most with academic success in children, is whether they eat their meals with their parents. ( Presumably because they hear adult conversation and it's an opportunity for their parents to show interest?)

We’ve never been a sit round the table family. I find sitting at a table uncomfortable. We sit on the sofa. Dd refuses to eat with us anyway as she has misphonia.

And yet the three eldest all got degrees/MA’s/PhDs. Dd 15 has just been predicted 8’s and 9’s.

It’s not about sitting at a table, it’s about making opportunities for conversation.

Daffodils22 · 23/03/2022 21:26

@ChickenStripper rude!

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