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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this rude? Because it drives me bonkers

282 replies

MargeSimpson79 · 23/03/2022 19:14

Me, dh and 2 dc. We eat together in the evenings if we can. Pretty much as soon as dh has finished he gets up, takes his plate out and goes to sit in the lounge with the tv on even though everyone else is still eating. He always says that’s how he was brought up and what he prefers to do.

I on the other hand feel like we should sit with the dc while they’re eating - it’s nice family chatting time. Or at the very least I will potter in the kitchen tidying up - it’s open plan. They’re 10 and 7 so it’s not like they can’t be left to eat, i just think it’s really rude to bugger off and leave 3 out of 4 of your family still eating.

Is it? Or is it pretty normal that adults leave the table while others are still eating? In a way I’d be quite happy to hear it’s normal because then I’d probably chill out about it!

OP posts:
oioimatey · 23/03/2022 20:38

You should go out for a meal together. Eat your meal really fast, and when you are done just put on your coat and leave the restaurant.

That'll show him how rude it is.

andi62 · 23/03/2022 20:40

I think cutting up your food using one's fork is equally poor.

50DaysAF · 23/03/2022 20:41

Also going against the tide here. I hated being forced to sit up at the table until everyone had finished. My sibling took ages and they hated it too because they felt they had to rush so everyone else was released.

Our mealtimes are much more relaxed. If someone has finished they ask if anyone minds if they get down. The answer is always no, I think because jo one does! As long as one person isn’t sat there on their own, I think it’s fine.

girlmom21 · 23/03/2022 20:43

Mine doesn’t even take his damn plate!

Then leave all his dirty plates on the table and when there's not enough left for everyone's meals he can go without and tell him he's got no clean plates left.

Blinkingbatshit · 23/03/2022 20:44

Definitely rude!!

girlmom21 · 23/03/2022 20:45

@50DaysAF

Also going against the tide here. I hated being forced to sit up at the table until everyone had finished. My sibling took ages and they hated it too because they felt they had to rush so everyone else was released.

Our mealtimes are much more relaxed. If someone has finished they ask if anyone minds if they get down. The answer is always no, I think because jo one does! As long as one person isn’t sat there on their own, I think it’s fine.

I think it's fine for children to get down when they've finished if they're polite like yours but an adult leaving the table when the children or other adult is still eating is rude.
Widmerpool · 23/03/2022 20:45

I would find it rude. Because I’m the cook, and I take a lot of trouble. If someone just shoved the food down their throat and buggered off, I’d feel a bit annoyed. I look forward to week-night dinner time as the one time in the day when the whole family is together to talk.

confusedlots · 23/03/2022 20:46

Really depends on what you did growing up. I personally don't find it rude as dinners were quite informal for us growing up. Things would be set out and you'd just help yourself, if mum was finished first she'd be up and serving out dessert to whoever was ready for it, so there might be some people eating dessert and some still eating their main course at the same time. Dad usually finished first and would head off to read his paper in the living room. I liked it, I remember everyone always being happy, it was lively and there was lots of chat, although I know DH found it a bit chaotic when he started being invited to my parents for dinner! We'd be more formal if we had guests.

Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco · 23/03/2022 20:49

Have family night just once a week. Then everybody’s happy.

Boxowine · 23/03/2022 20:51

Yes, it is rude to you because you want to sit and have dinner together as a family. My husband also did this and I wish that I had made a point of stopping it years ago. Have a talk with him and compromise by letting him do it at lunch or on the weekends but ask him to participate in a family meal on work/school days.

LottyD32 · 23/03/2022 20:53

@MargeSimpson79

Me, dh and 2 dc. We eat together in the evenings if we can. Pretty much as soon as dh has finished he gets up, takes his plate out and goes to sit in the lounge with the tv on even though everyone else is still eating. He always says that’s how he was brought up and what he prefers to do.

I on the other hand feel like we should sit with the dc while they’re eating - it’s nice family chatting time. Or at the very least I will potter in the kitchen tidying up - it’s open plan. They’re 10 and 7 so it’s not like they can’t be left to eat, i just think it’s really rude to bugger off and leave 3 out of 4 of your family still eating.

Is it? Or is it pretty normal that adults leave the table while others are still eating? In a way I’d be quite happy to hear it’s normal because then I’d probably chill out about it!

That's incredibly rude. I bet he eats with his mouth open too 🤮

Poor you op.

JungleBungles · 23/03/2022 20:53

I think it’s rude..
We try to eat as a family and the children always have to ask to leave the table! It’s just basic really.
Adults leave the table and potter doing the dishwasher but we are open plan

DaphneSprucesPippasClack · 23/03/2022 20:53

Very very rude.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 23/03/2022 20:53

Nah, in his own home he doesn't have to sit at the table and watch people eat if he doesn't want to. As long as he doesn't do this in restaurants or special occasions (like Christmas dinner etc) then it's fine.

DomesticatedZombie · 23/03/2022 20:54

@GrumpyDullard

It’s rude and childish. You stay at the table until everyone is finished, although we do sometimes make an exception when the littlest one is being deliberately slow and awkward.
Haha, same.
Shazzatastic · 23/03/2022 20:58

I think it's rude, and think it's no excuse that it wasn't how he was brought up. Lots of us experienced different ways to do things but as we mature further into adulthood we know what is right and wrong and what is expected of us

WhereYouLeftIt · 23/03/2022 20:59

He's basically communicating to his children that he is more interested in watching TV than he is in them.

Rude is the least of the problems with his behaviour.

StScholastica · 23/03/2022 21:00

I think its rude. I'm usually the cook, the general rule in our house is, when everyone's finished the cook goes to sit in the sitting room and someone makes them a cup of tea. While everyone else (led by DH) washes up.

aSofaNearYou · 23/03/2022 21:03

@Shazzatastic

I think it's rude, and think it's no excuse that it wasn't how he was brought up. Lots of us experienced different ways to do things but as we mature further into adulthood we know what is right and wrong and what is expected of us
This is just not true. Loads of people across the globe have social rules that we do not all follow or consider "right" just because they are the norm to those people.

Some people are just very married to this one and can't look beyond their noses.

DelphiniumBlue · 23/03/2022 21:04

Rude and quite insulting, I would say.

eldora · 23/03/2022 21:07

It is rude.

Does he not cook, or wash up at least?

PerseverancePays · 23/03/2022 21:07

He's not refuelling the car; meal times as a family are a time for gathering together, a cherishing of the people you love. From the person who makes the food, to the person who tidies it up, from the people who take time to listen to another's day, to the appreciation of effort given and praise to struggles overcome. To take the time for family bonds to grow.
To cast all that aside to gulp down his fuel and turn away from family to watch tv is to know the value of nothing.

GoldfinchTart · 23/03/2022 21:08

I feel rather sad for your children. I didn't have an idyllic childhood, but I do remember that when we were about the age of your children, OP, mum and dad would eat with us and then while one of them was doing the washing up we'd sit at the table and whichever adult wasn't clearing up would read to us, with one of us on their lap. It's one of the happiest memories of my childhood, eating, talking and then having stories together. It was lovely family time and I thank them for it.

luckylavender · 23/03/2022 21:09

Very rude

RedskyThisNight · 23/03/2022 21:09

We all feel free to get up and go when we've finished or to stay and chat as the mood takes us. We have a reasonable amount of conversation over the dinner table during the meal so it's not like we don't want to talk to us and the last person left eating (which is generally DD) doesn't necessarily want everyone to stay and watch them eat.

We wouldn't do it in a restaurant or if we had guests.