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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU for not wanting to give up my current life for my former Au Pair family?

349 replies

FormerAupair · 23/03/2022 07:59

AIBU?

When I was 20 I did 1.5 years Au Pair job for a family, the conditions where not great but they are nice and we are still in contact. Now in my late twenties I live in the same country as them. They had a planned baby last year and they ask me if I can leave my online job and babysit the baby because they don’t have another option. Now I have 7 years of experience as a nanny/nursery teacher, related studies and also living by myself for a while. With my experience families normally offer me £ 11-13 but they were in a hurry so I told them that I can drop the price until £ 9.5 (the minimum wage). They were upset with my offer saying that was too much, unreasonable and that I should be there for them.

They are wealthy and can afford a nanny so I don’t know why they don’t understand that I have to pay my bills and that the job offer sounds dodgy to me: half of the minimum per hour, being on call Mon-Fri, not a minimum of hours guaranteed, no contract. Even suggested to give it to me by cash so I don’t have to pay taxes so it’s cheaper for me (this is not true because: no tax/no contract = no rights/benefits). Or as an alternative give up my apartment and go to live with them as an Au Pair again.

The problem is that we are not even friends to ask my such a huge favour but I don’t want to ruin our relationship, specially with the kids.

What would you do in my position?

OP posts:

M0rT · 23/03/2022 08:01

Do not take the job, live your life for yourself.

winnieanddaisy · 23/03/2022 08:02

I'd decline nicely and tell them that you cannot pay your bills on fresh air and your price has now doubled .

Rickrollme · 23/03/2022 08:02

I can see why you are torn but of course you have to do it! Any decent person would. And it sounds like a fantastic opportunity for you. It’s a win-win!

2manycushions · 23/03/2022 08:02

You have zero obligation to these people, not sure why you are even considering this 'job'.

nearlyspringyay · 23/03/2022 08:03

Why are you even considering this?

MoonminMummy9 · 23/03/2022 08:03

I would say no. They might be looking at it at a rose tinted window.

Things have changed in the last 7 years. You need to decide what is best for you and you alone.

Moodycow78 · 23/03/2022 08:03

Just don't do it, they don't respect you or your time and just see you as cheap childcare, you don't owe them anything. Block and move on, they're not friends and they clearly don't see you as such.

Trisolaris · 23/03/2022 08:03

Er, say no?

Ask them if they would be willing to take jobs for less than minimum wage. I’m guessing not as they wouldn’t be wealthy otherwise!

I don’t know why you would even offer to drop to £9.50 - you owe them nothing!

ATeddybearshortofaPicnic · 23/03/2022 08:04

Tell them no. Those conditions no longer work with the stage of life you are at now. Wish them well. You might lose them as friends but they don’t really see you as a friend anyway or they would understand that the job they are offering you is not in your best interests.

tired17 · 23/03/2022 08:04

Definitely say no, you can do it in a nice way so as to try not to upset them but stand your ground, that is not a viable option for you

BigRedDuck · 23/03/2022 08:05

Say no!!! They are being cheeky.

SNUG2022 · 23/03/2022 08:05

What relationship? Just say you can't afford it and you are now on a different career path.

Motnight · 23/03/2022 08:05

Why are you considering putting this family's wants above your own needs?

ClaryFairchild · 23/03/2022 08:06

They have another option, one of them can give up their job and look after the baby, just like they're asking you to do. But they won't want to do that because they would lose too much money. Bit they're quite happy for you to lose that money.....

They do not value you or your experience. Say no.

LivesinLondon2000 · 23/03/2022 08:06

Agree with the other posters. They are being completely unreasonable and trying to take advantage of you. If they can’t see that, then they’re not very nice people I’m afraid

violetbunny · 23/03/2022 08:06

Lol what cheeky fuckers. Honestly, I would just say that the arrangement was mutually beneficial when you were starting out in your career but now that you have x years of experience they need to pay the going rate for that level. Otherwise it doesn't work for you and you wish them well finding someone else who their proposed arrangement will be suitable for.

They're trying to manipulate you by playing on your emotional attachment to their kids. It's very much deliberate so don't even hesitate to tell them it just doesn't work for you!

CremeEggThief · 23/03/2022 08:06

That's outrageous of them. Did you not explain you were doing them a favour by being prepared to accept minimum wage?!

LampLighter414 · 23/03/2022 08:07

They can go to an agency and find a new nanny/aupair if they really wanted

If they are as well off as you say then they can pay at least minimum wage and easily the market rate

If they really think they can't handle it, well I guess one of them should stop working.

It's not your problem to solve. Just say no

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 23/03/2022 08:07

The problem is that we are not even friends to ask my such a huge favour but I don’t want to ruin our relationship, specially with the kids

There's your answer. Wrt the kids ,you can't work for less just to stay in touch,that's ridiculous.

Jenjenn · 23/03/2022 08:07

I wouldn't go to them even if they paid 13 and offered fixed hours. They have blurred the lines between personal and business by trying to guilt trip you to being there. You sound like you have your life sorted without minding their baby. In a nutshell, they are offering poor terms and a guiltrip, i would say no thanks.

MrsWooster · 23/03/2022 08:07

Say no. Being back in exploitative employment with this family will destroy your relationship AND you’ll lose the job and life you’ve built for yourself.

Onthetoadagain · 23/03/2022 08:08

Don't even entertain this further. Why are they trying to bargain you down from a fair wage and why is it your problem they've messed up their childcare plans? This all spells trouble for you, they sound like mick takers. You have zero obligation and certainly don't owe them mates rates, it's especially a cheek as your au pairing conditions weren't great so they have form for being bad employers. Tell them 'thanks for bearing me in mind but the job doesn't suit me'.

DrWhoNowww · 23/03/2022 08:08

@Rickrollme

I can see why you are torn but of course you have to do it! Any decent person would. And it sounds like a fantastic opportunity for you. It’s a win-win!

Eh? Did you read a different opening post?

OP, take the kids out of it, why would you go back to an old job for less than minimum wage? Why would you take a 50% pay cut voluntarily?

CremeEggThief · 23/03/2022 08:08

Who voted YABU? The CF family?!

BluebellsGreenbells · 23/03/2022 08:08

Say no. Not sure why you even opened discussions about pay - that gave them leverage to reduce it further. They are relying on you good nature. They have the money. They should offer the best pay and conditions for their children who they chose to have. CF at best.

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