AIBU for not wanting to give up my current life for my former Au Pair family?

[FormerAupair]

AIBU?

When I was 20 I did 1.5 years Au Pair job for a family, the conditions where not great but they are nice and we are still in contact. Now in my late twenties I live in the same country as them. They had a planned baby last year and they ask me if I can leave my online job and babysit the baby because they don’t have another option. Now I have 7 years of experience as a nanny/nursery teacher, related studies and also living by myself for a while. With my experience families normally offer me £ 11-13 but they were in a hurry so I told them that I can drop the price until £ 9.5 (the minimum wage). They were upset with my offer saying that was too much, unreasonable and that I should be there for them.

They are wealthy and can afford a nanny so I don’t know why they don’t understand that I have to pay my bills and that the job offer sounds dodgy to me: half of the minimum per hour, being on call Mon-Fri, not a minimum of hours guaranteed, no contract. Even suggested to give it to me by cash so I don’t have to pay taxes so it’s cheaper for me (this is not true because: no tax/no contract = no rights/benefits). Or as an alternative give up my apartment and go to live with them as an Au Pair again.

The problem is that we are not even friends to ask my such a huge favour but I don’t want to ruin our relationship, specially with the kids.

What would you do in my position?

I can’t understand why you’re even entertaining this.

They sound awful.

Just say sorry you can’t get time off work, if you want to maintain a relationship with the kids.

But honestly I think it would be much better for you if you let them go.

I would reconsider your relationship with them and the realise they are trying to take advantage of you.

Know your worth , decline and dont give it another thought.

It sounds terrible.

Just tell them no!!

You're not in servitude to them, why even consider this.Simply say no.

@FormerAupair

Hi. Thanks very much for your point of view. I agree with you but I feel terrible because of the kids :(

The dad was quite understanding but the mom try to make me feel bad saying that she only wants the best for their children and that I should help her because the baby it's too small to be with a stranger and nobody better than me. She's being always surrounded by AuPairs since day 0 and is used to have 24/7 help for 80-100pounds/week.

The mum is entitled and unpleasant. Don't feel guilty for letting her down, she doesn't sound like she deserves it.

It's obviously nonsense for them to say they have no other option. I'm sure there are plenty of people available for child care jobs where you are, or indeed they could look to import an au pair or trained nanny. For some reason they think they can guilt-trip you into accepting this ridiculous job offer.

If they only want the best for their children then they should be prepared to pay the going rate for it through a proper employment contract.

How are they in a hurry? They've had the time it took TTC, nine months pregnancy and however long it is since the baby was born, to plan for childcare. These people are terrible. They want to exploit you, when they have money to spare. They don't value you, or the service that you provide.

If this I in the UK then no no no. You came as an inexperienced au pair. You are now in child care professional. If they want the best they need to pay for it. You have value and they need to understand that. Do not lower your current fee.....you are worth that.

If they want you they can pay for you.

They wouldn't be as loyal to you the other way around.

Use the MN Phrase.....sorry that doesn't work for me.

They were your employer, you did your job and I assume left on good terms. If they are keen to have you back they should not be bargaining with you. Either you're worth your higher rate of pay, or you're not. Don't undervalue yourself

I can see why you are torn but of course you have to do it! Any decent person would. And it sounds like a fantastic opportunity for you. It’s a win-win!

Eh?

Say no. Stick to your fair rate reflecting your experience not this minimum wage crap. They are taking advantage. They are not friends.

What pinnacles of cheeky fuckery. You didn't sign up for life. They're not friends, they just kept you around in the hope of more low paid servant work. Tell them where to stick it.

I join the majority. Say No. Which is a full sentence. They are taking the Mickey.

I know you're torn about the kids, but do you really want a relationship with people who want to exploit you like this? Even if you accepted this ludicrous offer I'm afraid the reality is that they would drop you as soon as it's convenient to them, so I wouldn't assume you will even have an ongoing relationship with the children.

You really shouldn’t feel terrible. The kids and their childcare is their responsibility.

Never go backwards - I think you know this isn’t right for you.

The dad was quite understanding but the mom try to make me feel bad saying that she only wants the best for their children and that I should help her because the baby it's too small to be with a stranger and nobody better than me.

Her child doesn’t need to be with a stranger, they can organise childcare between them or pay the going rate (with decent teens and conditions) for a professional to care for their child. I wouldn’t work for them under any circumstances because they’ve shown they don’t respect you and won’t maintain appropriate boundaries on your time.

I don't understand. Why would you even consider doing this? You're not even friends and they want you to give up your job and look after the baby for hardly any money? You'd have to be crazy to go along with that.

Are you usually a huge people pleaser?

They are total CFs.

The au pair scheme is enough of a scam anyway, providing cheap child care primarily to well off people with large homes - its widely abused with people using inexperienced young people as nannies (not what it is for).

Given you've typed your post in English and live in the same country as them why on earth would you need to be an au pair and not paid properly? Au pair scheme is to give young people an opportunity to live in the UK and learn the language with a family while undertaking light childcare duties (for example before and afterschool). Its not for dodging paying minimum wage.

Of course you shouldn't do this. 7 years ago you had no experience or qualifications and the au pair setup was ideal for you. It's not right for you now, and you have moved on. You don't owe them anything and you should maximise your earning potential doing work where your skills and experience are valued.

They can find a 17 year old with no experience if their priority is to have someone cheap.

The mother is guilt tripping you because she wants you to do what she wants. She is being manipulative and does not care about you.

What do you mean, you feel for the ‘poor’ kids? They were fine when you started working with them as a new au pair, they will be fine when the parents do their job as parents and find a new childcare person!

@ClaryFairchild

They have another option, one of them can give up their job and look after the baby, just like they're asking you to do. But they won't want to do that because they would lose too much money. Bit they're quite happy for you to lose that money.....

They do not value you or your experience. Say no.

This hits the nail on the head!

OP, the family are CF’s and know it. They are trying to take advantage of you and please say no to them.

“I’m sorry I’ve outgrown that pay bracket professionally now. I’m no longer an au pair. I’m well qualified and experienced. I can take up a nanny role for £11 an hour, with a proper contract and conditions, or I can point you towards au pair agencies”

I don’t really understand why this is a dilemma. I don’t understand why you dropped your price because they were “in a rush”. That would make me pu my price up if anything. 😊. I wouldn’t be giving this even two minutes if my brain time.

Im outraged for you !!
They don’t value you
Don’t give them any more of your time