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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My bully has Facebook friend requested me

413 replies

planetme · 22/03/2022 22:19

At school, there was a girl in the year above with a reputation for being really "hard". She didn't even know me but when I was about 13 she beat me up in front of loads of people walking home from school. I just remember her pulling me about by my hair and just slapping and punching me over and over again including in my face while all her mates were laughing and encouraging it

I think The worst part was I was with my so called friends, they walked away really fast and let it happen. I think they were scared they'd end up getting hit as well

I never told my parents or school, i wish I had as if it happened to any of my ex (god forbid) I would go to the police. I was too ashamed, I blamed myself

I don't understand why she'd try to friend request me but part of me actually wants to accept her. So I can send a message asking if she remembers what she did to me. Or let her find out from my page that I now have a lovely family, own a very successful, profitable business, drive a Porsche and have a damn good life

Both are pointless so I'll do neither, I am best to just block her

I guess seeing her name pop up has bought it back a bit and I just wanted to get it down.

OP posts:
LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 22/03/2022 22:22

God that’s weird. So tempting to accept and ask her if she remembers beating you up. But you are right, don’t.

Cherrysoup · 22/03/2022 22:23

Send her a message saying ‘Why don’t you fuck off, you horrible bitch?’ Then block. I’d be so tempted! Probably best just to block her.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 22/03/2022 22:23

She might want to apologise. But blocking is probably the best option. Don’t lower yourself.

Sparklesocks · 22/03/2022 22:24

I think I’d just decline it and not let her take up anymore headspace.

declutteringmymind · 22/03/2022 22:24

I would just ignore it. Or block her if it's triggering. She doesn't get to dictate how and when she affects you. If you ever want to look her up, you know where she is.

1000yellowdaisies · 22/03/2022 22:25

Sounds like she wants to be nosey. Maybe accept her request so she can see the successes you mentioned and then delete her after a few days.
Perhaps she was jealous of you back then.

broccolibush · 22/03/2022 22:26

Even if she’s done it to try to apologise you don’t have to bother to listen to her. In your position I’d block and go back to giving her as little headspace as before.

IVFConfusion · 22/03/2022 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swedenandnorway · 22/03/2022 22:26

Totally ignore and delete the request immediately. Don't give it/her any more headspace

Original poster
planetme · 22/03/2022 22:28

I never told my parents or school, i wish I had as if it happened to any of my ex (god forbid) I would go to the police. I was too ashamed, I blamed myself

Where it says "ex" I mean KIDS of course. Bloody autocorrect 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
blockbustervideo · 22/03/2022 22:29

Decline. Block.

No need for this drama. She sounds nasty.

Brainwave89 · 22/03/2022 22:29

Hi OP. On balance I would block and ignore. To an extent this appears triggering and I would not look backwards. I might be tempted to accept and then ask her why she behaved as she did? But this does then mean engaging which you do not need to do. My school bully made my life miserable for two years. She moved away and I learned recently committed suicide at 42. Clearly a lot going in there.

alaksaaassdd · 22/03/2022 22:30

I've had a couple of people reach out to me from school over the years. None of them were nice to me in school, one sent an apology message, I ignored and blocked. Figured they weren't worth my time or headspace.

Original poster
planetme · 22/03/2022 22:30

@IVFConfusion

On my 3rd day at secondary school. A much bigger girl 2 years above beat me up in front of lots of people too. All I asked of my so called best friend then was to look after my school bag whilst I was getting battered. She left it in the bush and disappeared. That was worse than the beating.
God that's fucking awful

Yes to me what stands out was the friends fucking off 😞 mine were shit friends generally anyway tbh

Did you carry on still being mates with her?
I did these ones... they were crap but I had no others

I now tell my kids it's much better to have no friends than crap friends

OP posts:
urbanbuddha · 22/03/2022 22:31

Just block her. You'll feel better. And if you ever want to you can unblock her.

gamerchick · 22/03/2022 22:32

Just block her, it'll say more than words will. She's probably being nosy and you don't have to go there. Or leave the friend request hanging and just ignore it. I've got 6 people stuck in pending atm. They have no significance.

PenStation · 22/03/2022 22:33

Yes block and move on. She doesn’t deserve your time or consideration.

Arucanafeather · 22/03/2022 22:34

When my “best friend” was being beaten up in the subway, I physically waded in and helped her. Her Mum complained to the school so they moved on from her to me… & I didn’t see my “best friend” for dust. I changed schools in the end… took me a long time before I trusted friends again though.

Thursday37 · 22/03/2022 22:37

I think either leave it unanswered for months (then eventually decline), or message without accepting saying “do I know you?”
Blocking and deleting shows you remember who she is and that she still gets to you. I wouldn’t give them that satisfaction.

ForeverLooking · 22/03/2022 23:00

Don't accept it. Decline it and move on. I wouldn't bother to block. You don't like her, she's not your friend, her opinion doesn't matter to you in the slightest. You certainly don't need to prove anything to her.

WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 22/03/2022 23:04

I know how you feel @planetme one of my school bullies sent me a friend request a few years ago and I declined it. Whilst I don't wish them any harm I also have nothing to say to them nor am I interested in their lives they made my teen years a living hell and for that I want nothing to do with them. A friend of mine once bumped into her school bully in a bar, the girl walked over said she was glad to see my friend as she felt so guilty for bullying her and apologised my friend said it felt so fake and was all about the bully and her feelings so my friend responded by saying "glad YOU feel better but I don't you made my life a misery and took pleasure in it everyday now fuck off and let me enjoy what's left of my night" and turned her back on the bully who looked shocked. I always admired what my friend did because I was so anxious when my bully sent me the request. Declline or block OP and put it out of your mind. Hope you feel better Flowers Gin

ZippeeDeeDoohDah · 22/03/2022 23:06

Agree with leave it hanging. Let her wonder if you are offline or ignoring her.

SwedishEdith · 22/03/2022 23:11

She was probably just nosing and friend requested you by mistake. I've done it and it's definitely been done to me. I'd just ignore it.

deeedeee · 22/03/2022 23:13

Have a look in the messenger inbox that contains messages from folk you aren’t friends with, incase she’s messaged you too

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 22/03/2022 23:14

@Thursday37

I think either leave it unanswered for months (then eventually decline), or message without accepting saying “do I know you?” Blocking and deleting shows you remember who she is and that she still gets to you. I wouldn’t give them that satisfaction.
I would do this!
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