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Original poster

My bully has Facebook friend requested me

413 replies

planetme · 22/03/2022 22:19

At school, there was a girl in the year above with a reputation for being really "hard". She didn't even know me but when I was about 13 she beat me up in front of loads of people walking home from school. I just remember her pulling me about by my hair and just slapping and punching me over and over again including in my face while all her mates were laughing and encouraging it

I think The worst part was I was with my so called friends, they walked away really fast and let it happen. I think they were scared they'd end up getting hit as well

I never told my parents or school, i wish I had as if it happened to any of my ex (god forbid) I would go to the police. I was too ashamed, I blamed myself

I don't understand why she'd try to friend request me but part of me actually wants to accept her. So I can send a message asking if she remembers what she did to me. Or let her find out from my page that I now have a lovely family, own a very successful, profitable business, drive a Porsche and have a damn good life

Both are pointless so I'll do neither, I am best to just block her

I guess seeing her name pop up has bought it back a bit and I just wanted to get it down.

OP posts:
implantreplace · 23/03/2022 06:23

@LBFseBrom

Is it possible she feels ashamed now about what she did back then and wants to apologise? People do change over the years. Let her friend you and see what she says, you can always unfriend her.
You can send a message at the same time as a friend request
girlmom21 · 23/03/2022 06:23

I'd decline the post. If you leave her hanging she might assume you don't use Facebook. If you decline she'll know you're not interested.

girlmom21 · 23/03/2022 06:26

@Momijin

Accept her and let her see how far you've come in life and then post a few karma posts etc.

Rightly or wrongly , a guy I was seeing at uni went off with a friend (not a close friend but nevertheless it hurt). Rightly or wrongly, she struggled for many years to have kids and only managed to have one very late on. I had mine super easily and she looks a lot older than me. As petty as it sounds, serves her right.

I'd rather someone slept with my boyfriend than had years of fertility issues. You sound awful.
rwalker · 23/03/2022 06:26

She's been snooping and sent by mistake accept have a poke round her profile then block a week later.

DrSbaitso · 23/03/2022 06:29

@Momijin

Accept her and let her see how far you've come in life and then post a few karma posts etc.

Rightly or wrongly , a guy I was seeing at uni went off with a friend (not a close friend but nevertheless it hurt). Rightly or wrongly, she struggled for many years to have kids and only managed to have one very late on. I had mine super easily and she looks a lot older than me. As petty as it sounds, serves her right.

It doesn't sound anything so trivial and harmless as "petty", much as you really should be over your uni boyfriend by now.
Laniania · 23/03/2022 06:29

A girl from my old school went around friending a lot of us that she bullied lately. She did want to apologise and it did sound v genuine from talking to others, but I never accepted her requests - people do this for their own sakes, not their victims, and the harm they did can't be undone now, so why give them the satisfaction.

MrsMingech · 23/03/2022 06:30

I would accept it, let her nose and see your success, then delete and block her.

I've done this before.

SonicBroom · 23/03/2022 06:36

I take great pleasure in seeing on FB how little the “hard” girls or the “cool” girls from my school have achieved in life.

I’m not FB friends with them and if one of them sent me a friend request I’d just leave it hanging.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/03/2022 06:36

Someone from school who was always really horrible to me (nowhere near as bad as your experience) added me on Facebook. Hmm I deleted the request. I’m not sure why he would add me because we were never friends.

OP, I would delete and move on with your happy life. Sending a message won’t go the way you hope. I know because I’ve sent a message to someone who hurt me and he saw it and just never replied. It didn’t make me feel better.

SonicBroom · 23/03/2022 06:39

people [apologise] for their own sakes, not their victims, and the harm they did can't be undone

Couldn’t agree more. An ex friend of mine tried to get in touch after flouncing out on me a few years ago. It was for nothing more than to make herself feel better. They don’t change.

JakeyRolling · 23/03/2022 06:39

I've been in a similar situation.

Quite frankly whether you accept or not she's already got into your headspace.

I personally wouldn't accept but I would message (you can do without friending) telling her she has a nerve.
Then block once she's read it.

implantreplace · 23/03/2022 06:40

@SonicBroom

I take great pleasure in seeing on FB how little the “hard” girls or the “cool” girls from my school have achieved in life.

I’m not FB friends with them and if one of them sent me a friend request I’d just leave it hanging.

Out of interest How do you judge that? The fact they don’t post lots of photos of themselves on exotic holidays?
IsItFuck · 23/03/2022 06:40

I'll get piled on here but it is very possible that a 15 year old bully has changed into a decent 30/40 something woman, especially if she has had children who have mellowed her. I'm not saying you should accept or forgive OP (I will never forgive some people for certain things in my life either) but it's very possible she's not selling anything or being nosy and just wants to offer a genuine apology.

Longdistance · 23/03/2022 06:44

I blocked my old school bully. I know she’s friends with another friend who didn’t go to my school. I haven’t said anything to my friend though.
I was very tempted to friend her and post on her timeline asking why she was such a wanker to me at school. I just didn’t want to stoop to her level.

Justilou1 · 23/03/2022 06:47

Or… She’s an MLM Hun and has heard you have money. You could tell her to fuck off AND call her a parasite.

fourandnomore · 23/03/2022 06:49

This has happened a few times to me too. I’ve just declined them. One requested again but I just kept declining. Don’t let them into your current life. I assume they have no recollection of their nastiness in my case as there was no physical assault , it was all psychological, but they’ve probably seen my name suggested through mutual friends. I’m sure they may be different now but I wouldn’t want to make them feel better with an apology and also don’t want them knowing anything about me really.

I’m sorry this has upset you though, it sounds terrible and I think many people have similar ‘friends’ at a young age but hopefully we are all a bit wiser about who we give our time too these days.

DrSbaitso · 23/03/2022 06:56

I know because I’ve sent a message to someone who hurt me and he saw it and just never replied. It didn’t make me feel better.

That's the power of no response. It's a response.

CorsicaDreaming · 23/03/2022 07:02

@Helenahandkart

My bully, who victimised me and physically attacked me several times over the course of three years, turned up in my life 20 years later. Unbeknownst to me, I had been sleeping with her husband for several months. I didn’t know he was married. I’d moved to a different town 300 miles away, met a man and started a relationship. I then found out he was married when she followed him to my house and knocked on my door - I don’t know which of the three of us was most surprised. She accused me of deliberately stalking her and seducing her husband as payback for what had happened in our teens. I didn’t have a clue that she’d moved to the same town as me, or that he was married to her. They got divorced, he and I became great friends (once we’d got past his cheating) and to this day I still have a small feeling of satisfaction that karma caught up with her in such a perfect way.

There is a brilliant karma in that!

How incredibly weird though. It's coincidences like that that make me think there's more to the Universe than meets the eye...

CorsicaDreaming · 23/03/2022 07:05

@CatNameChange101

Had similar. Accepted the request and messaged her ‘Are you friending everyone you kicked the crap out of and tormented or am I a special case?’. Got some rambling ‘past is the past’ nonsense but she genuinely seemed a bit shaken by the blunt tone of the message and that was satisfying.

Yes I think I'd have to do that too.

I'd feel I owed it to my younger self to stand up for them now - and that the bully shouldn't feel they can just do a trite little "Sorry for before, but I'm a reformed character now... La la la" and think that makes anything better about their earlier behaviour.

I'd also be really curious to know why now, after so long?

TolkiensFallow · 23/03/2022 07:06

I found this astoundingly normal. I’m constantly astonished by the amount of awful people from school who Facebook friend request or want to set up a “reunion”.

I query their motives too OP but you are right to block them.

doobyscoob · 23/03/2022 07:06

Hi why not accept and write on her public page?

Remember how you bullied me in such an awful way?

SpaceshiptoMars · 23/03/2022 07:08

Let the dead stay buried. There's a small chance that she has changed and is deeply sorry and, if so, she will understand. It is more likely that she is much the same, just better at hiding it. Unless you've done work that has taught you to be bulletproof, you're just opening yourself back up again to more of the old misery. With all the potential of social media to put the cherry on the top.

floralhead · 23/03/2022 07:09

Do you still live in the same area as your school bully? Is your old school bully the type that would bring trouble to your door if you ever confront? I would just ignore the request and leave it hanging.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/03/2022 07:09

@DrSbaitso

I know because I’ve sent a message to someone who hurt me and he saw it and just never replied. It didn’t make me feel better.

That's the power of no response. It's a response.

Yep and I felt awful. All in all, not great.
Egghead68 · 23/03/2022 07:09

Block

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