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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My bully has Facebook friend requested me

413 replies

planetme · 22/03/2022 22:19

At school, there was a girl in the year above with a reputation for being really "hard". She didn't even know me but when I was about 13 she beat me up in front of loads of people walking home from school. I just remember her pulling me about by my hair and just slapping and punching me over and over again including in my face while all her mates were laughing and encouraging it

I think The worst part was I was with my so called friends, they walked away really fast and let it happen. I think they were scared they'd end up getting hit as well

I never told my parents or school, i wish I had as if it happened to any of my ex (god forbid) I would go to the police. I was too ashamed, I blamed myself

I don't understand why she'd try to friend request me but part of me actually wants to accept her. So I can send a message asking if she remembers what she did to me. Or let her find out from my page that I now have a lovely family, own a very successful, profitable business, drive a Porsche and have a damn good life

Both are pointless so I'll do neither, I am best to just block her

I guess seeing her name pop up has bought it back a bit and I just wanted to get it down.

OP posts:
MurmuratingStarling · 22/03/2022 23:15

Yeah just ignore it. Don't decline, delete, or block. Act like you have not even noticed it. If she persists (tries to message you,) then block her then. If she doesn't contact you again, just leave it a few weeks and then block her.

longwayoff · 22/03/2022 23:17

Ignore it and block her. If you are seriously considering inviting someone who has mistreated you back into your life then have a proper think about that. Don't do it. Let it go.

Momijin · 22/03/2022 23:22

Accept her and let her see how far you've come in life and then post a few karma posts etc.

Rightly or wrongly , a guy I was seeing at uni went off with a friend (not a close friend but nevertheless it hurt). Rightly or wrongly, she struggled for many years to have kids and only managed to have one very late on. I had mine super easily and she looks a lot older than me. As petty as it sounds, serves her right.

Scbchl · 22/03/2022 23:24

Shes probably trying to sell your some mlm shite!

My bully friend requested my husband and me. We were all in the same year at school. Neither of accepted it. She then changed her name so it was first name (maiden name) married surname, and re added my husband who declined her again. Mortifying for her.

xsquared · 22/03/2022 23:30

I don't see the point in these mind games of leaving something unanswered for a while and then blocking. Chances are they still don't give a shit how much they've hurt you.

This person mistreated you and made your life a misery. Do not give them further headspace or satisfaction with any sort of response.

ForeverLooking · 22/03/2022 23:36

@xsquared

I don't see the point in these mind games of leaving something unanswered for a while and then blocking. Chances are they still don't give a shit how much they've hurt you.

This person mistreated you and made your life a misery. Do not give them further headspace or satisfaction with any sort of response.

This. I don't see the point of mind games. She probably won't care or find it as hurtful as you want. There's a good chance she won't give a shit if you accept or decline. Accepting and posting PA posts about karma just look to the bully like you actually really care about what she thinks. It's a waste of time and a waste of your headspace. You are happy, you have a nice life. You've already "won". Decline and don't think about it again.
LadyLolaRuben · 22/03/2022 23:37

I'd send her the message, tell her to fuck off and then block x

FavouritePi · 23/03/2022 00:10

Don't accept, she's just being nosey. As was my ex friend turned bully when they tried to add me on social media recently.

If she you think she wanted to say something, maybe just check if there's anything in your message requests. Otherwise, I'd probably block her and not think of it again (which is what I did). She's probably not even remembered it and that's likely to be more emotional damage than the memories you already have.

ComeSailAway · 23/03/2022 00:21

My bully in junior/secondary school was also my best friend. When she was good she was very very good, and when she was bad… There was a group of us and she was the "queen". There was no physical violence but each week she would choose one of us to send to Coventry. The group finally drifted apart and she left school without finishing. For many years afterwards I remembered her with loathing but as I grew older I started to remember all the good things she did for me as well. Then later on we found out she was abused by her father and had to leave home and live with a foster family. One of these days I will look her up (she still lives in our home town) and thank her for all of those good things.I dunno… Kids are generally shits to one another, I think.

Tamworth123 · 23/03/2022 00:25

Shes probably trying to sell your some mlm shite!

Possibly this.

Or nosiness.

That type of person might not even remember who she did or didn't best up.

They don't change.

Ignore the request.

Don't get into anything.

Tamworth123 · 23/03/2022 00:26

*beat up

LittleMissUnreasonable · 23/03/2022 00:43

@Momijin

Shock What a disgusting thing to be smug about! Someone certainly doesn't deserve years of heartache and fertility struggles for going off with a guy you were 'seeing' at uni, who also decided to go off with her ... (Funny how there's never any blame for the poor naïve menfolk Hmm )
I'm glad your ex friend has had a child, they both sound miles better off without someone so resentful and bitter in their lives.

CatNameChange101 · 23/03/2022 00:44

Had similar. Accepted the request and messaged her ‘Are you friending everyone you kicked the crap out of and tormented or am I a special case?’. Got some rambling ‘past is the past’ nonsense but she genuinely seemed a bit shaken by the blunt tone of the message and that was satisfying.

WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 23/03/2022 01:00

@CatNameChange101 Wow I admire your guts I wish I had done that when my school bully sent me a request I was so anxious I just declined it. Did you reply to the "past is the past" excuses or just leave it?

Anon778833 · 23/03/2022 01:01

People like this make me mad - who the hell do they think they are? I’d be tempted to say something and then block her. She’s probably still a POS - people don’t change.

Helenahandkart · 23/03/2022 01:02

My bully, who victimised me and physically attacked me several times over the course of three years, turned up in my life 20 years later. Unbeknownst to me, I had been sleeping with her husband for several months. I didn’t know he was married. I’d moved to a different town 300 miles away, met a man and started a relationship. I then found out he was married when she followed him to my house and knocked on my door - I don’t know which of the three of us was most surprised. She accused me of deliberately stalking her and seducing her husband as payback for what had happened in our teens. I didn’t have a clue that she’d moved to the same town as me, or that he was married to her.
They got divorced, he and I became great friends (once we’d got past his cheating) and to this day I still have a small feeling of satisfaction that karma caught up with her in such a perfect way.

Anon778833 · 23/03/2022 01:02

Good for you @CatNameChange101

Anon778833 · 23/03/2022 01:05

@Helenahandkart that’s definitely the very definition of poetic justice.

WorriedMumofTeen16 · 23/03/2022 01:05

I actually walked into my first day at a new job when I was about 21 and came face to face with one of the girls that bullied me at school. Don't know who was more shocked, her or me.

We got chatting and she was actually mortified and couldn't apologise enough. We worked together for about 3 years.

Maybe your bully wants to apologise

CatNameChange101 · 23/03/2022 01:19

@WickedWitchOfTheEast87 I got a vague apology for ‘childish behaviour’. Told her I had no interest in soothing her conscience and she should make up for her mistakes by making sure her children behave better than she did. Then I blocked her.

Monty27 · 23/03/2022 01:27

OP your adversary clearly has guilt. Let them have it. And as for you? Carry on the way you are. And definitely block. Unless you fancy a bit of revenge now that presumably you're all grown ups. making them squirm
Or just block and put it to bed.
💐

Chimchiminie · 23/03/2022 01:44

@Brainwave89

Hi OP. On balance I would block and ignore. To an extent this appears triggering and I would not look backwards. I might be tempted to accept and then ask her why she behaved as she did? But this does then mean engaging which you do not need to do. My school bully made my life miserable for two years. She moved away and I learned recently committed suicide at 42. Clearly a lot going in there.
Hi obviously i don’t know this woman and wouldn’t defend her behaviour towards you, but just wanted to add the general point that sometimes people just get depressed. At the 2-year point in a pandemic and lockdown, unfortunately lots of people have died from suicide.
IVFConfusion · 23/03/2022 01:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TaysideTeuchter · 23/03/2022 02:14

I was badly bullied at school as well - odd one out due to undiagnosed autism (and because I had a strict Christian upbringing.) I have previously received a FB friend request from one of my bullies - I've never been so grateful for the ignore button.

Flowers for everyone here who has been bullied.

Sarah Millican received an email from her school bully - this was her response:

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/03/2022 02:29

I'd just block her, tbh.
You're unlikely to get anything useful back.

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