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AIBU?

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Original poster

My bully has Facebook friend requested me

413 replies

planetme · 22/03/2022 22:19

At school, there was a girl in the year above with a reputation for being really "hard". She didn't even know me but when I was about 13 she beat me up in front of loads of people walking home from school. I just remember her pulling me about by my hair and just slapping and punching me over and over again including in my face while all her mates were laughing and encouraging it

I think The worst part was I was with my so called friends, they walked away really fast and let it happen. I think they were scared they'd end up getting hit as well

I never told my parents or school, i wish I had as if it happened to any of my ex (god forbid) I would go to the police. I was too ashamed, I blamed myself

I don't understand why she'd try to friend request me but part of me actually wants to accept her. So I can send a message asking if she remembers what she did to me. Or let her find out from my page that I now have a lovely family, own a very successful, profitable business, drive a Porsche and have a damn good life

Both are pointless so I'll do neither, I am best to just block her

I guess seeing her name pop up has bought it back a bit and I just wanted to get it down.

OP posts:
Yehbut · 27/03/2022 09:08

Sounds more like boys. I never witnessed or knew of any girls being physically beaten up but psychologically tortured, jeered at, excluded yes.
Was that common in your school? Beating up? I mean how extraordinary was it? As for so called friends not standing by you. That’s the pits.
Agree ignoring is the most punishing.
Weirdly similar / not similar / was the time a woman contacted me on friends reunited who I had never heard of, (and I’ve an embarrassingly good memory for names of classmates) saying that I had once told her that she would never get the badge I had (?). And she’s nurtured this fantasy grudge all those years telling me how successful she was. I was always embarrassed by show offs and never took badges seriously, but it did bother me and it seemed even more insulting to tell her I couldn’t remember her. I was never very conventional, did I make a joke to a girl I didn’t know? I doubt it, but you never know.

Whereverilaymycat · 27/03/2022 09:28

Unfortunately at my school violent girl bullies were not uncommon and there are several incidents I witnessed / knew of that I still remember vividly.

Bertiebiscuit · 27/03/2022 11:40

I would relish this wonderful opportunity she has unwisely given you, and tell her exactly how you feel about her and why, and then tell her f*ck off, that you will report her for stalking and harassment if she ever tries to contact you again and then block her - I guarantee it will make you feel better, and get a little closure, she was obviously a monster

Thelnebriati · 27/03/2022 12:15

There's a woman posting on another forum who was contacted by her school bully using private messages. Her bully has taken screenshots of her messages and is now posting them out of context on social media, making her look like the bully.
The lesson I'm taking from that is keep everything public and don't give them the benefit of the doubt.

WisherWood · 27/03/2022 12:21

Sounds more like boys. I never witnessed or knew of any girls being physically beaten up but psychologically tortured, jeered at, excluded yes.

I'm female. I was bullied at school by both boys and girls. Girls were more likely, IME, to use psychological bullying than were the boys. Both were physically violent. Actually, no the boys were also emotionally nasty, particularly when they were playing pull a pig.

The lesson I'm taking from that is keep everything public and don't give them the benefit of the doubt.

Yes. They've got form, however long ago it was. Don't trust them.

Brennanlady1888 · 28/03/2022 13:15

Ignore her.

BobISMyUncle · 28/03/2022 13:44

Sorry, I'm late to this. I was bullied at school, for my whole school career, because I was small and skinny. Very skinny.
And then, out of the blue, I was contacted, inviting me to a school reunion! Why would I put myself through that? I'm still small and skinny. I can't do anything about it. However, I was so tempted to go, just to see how bulbous these bullies have become. I didn't go, but still think about what they must look like now!
Please, don't give her the head space. Live your life safe in the knowledge that you are the better person.

CountryGirl17 · 28/03/2022 16:35

@BobISMyUncle

Sorry, I'm late to this. I was bullied at school, for my whole school career, because I was small and skinny. Very skinny. And then, out of the blue, I was contacted, inviting me to a school reunion! Why would I put myself through that? I'm still small and skinny. I can't do anything about it. However, I was so tempted to go, just to see how bulbous these bullies have become. I didn't go, but still think about what they must look like now! Please, don't give her the head space. Live your life safe in the knowledge that you are the better person.
I’m sorry you were bullied. However, you sound like being skinny was the reason for you to be bullied and yet you were curious as to how “bulbous” (fat) your bullies turned into. Who’s the bully now? I’m not trying to make you feel bad but the size you or your bullies were or are now doesn’t matter. Don’t lower yourself to think weight or size makes you a better person. Try to move on from that thought as it will make you come to terms with your bad experience.

I was bullied at school because I was posh, but I don’t think people who are or were (back then) “common” in comparison to me are less than I am.

Bleachmycloths · 28/03/2022 16:53

🙄

Sorrynotsorry22 · 30/03/2022 13:28

Hey,
I feel your dilemma. I had my bully do the same. To cut a long story short, l was the new girl in what is now yr7. Unbeknown to me, l took her place on the netball team. At a lunch time practice she shoved me over. I damaged my knee, which down the years has led to a replaced hip, arthritis in my ankle and a busted knee.

She had kids the same age as mine and friend requested me. I ignored her and still do 40 years later !
My peace is more important. Its childish l know but l can't forgive and lm not ready to forget.

Maybe l should forgive ...

ValerieCupcake · 30/03/2022 14:08

The rottenest Mean Girl who bullied me is a care assistant now. She was recently awarded Employee of the Year, nominated by her colleagues after spotting signs of deterioration in one of the clients who said that without Mean Girl speaking out and acting quickly her father may not be here today.

Photos of her are frightening.

She's also posted that her best friend had an affair with her partner. I'm not gloating. But I am not sorry either.

Drinkingallthewine · 31/03/2022 17:25

One of my bullies asked me out twice.

It sounds like something out of a mediocre rom-com and I'll probably get accusations that it didn't happen - it did though and I still get the warm fuzzies thinking about it, decades on!

The first time he asked me I was 12 and it was a set up for a laugh for his friends and I remember him sneering at me afterwards "as if I'd really go out with you" with them all laughing and pointing at me. I went home and cried my heart out to mum. I even remember what I was wearing that day, that's how much the ordeal marked me.
I'd had a little crush on him you see.

The second time he asked me out I was in my twenties and had bumped into him in a pub along with his cousin who was my old school mate. I recognised him right away but Bully didn't recognise me at all. We all chatted politely for a while then bully boy asked me out just as I was about to walk away. I reminded him that he'd already asked me out, years ago for a joke, didn't he remember? Seeing it dawn on him, his face going bright red and watching him squirm was funny.. He apologised for what he did and said he was an insufferable dick when he was a kid and I cheerfully agreed. Then he said "I've blown any chance of a date with you haven't I?" and I cheerfully agreed to that too.

ValerieCupcake · 05/04/2022 15:15

@Drinkingallthewine

One of my bullies asked me out twice.

It sounds like something out of a mediocre rom-com and I'll probably get accusations that it didn't happen - it did though and I still get the warm fuzzies thinking about it, decades on!

The first time he asked me I was 12 and it was a set up for a laugh for his friends and I remember him sneering at me afterwards "as if I'd really go out with you" with them all laughing and pointing at me. I went home and cried my heart out to mum. I even remember what I was wearing that day, that's how much the ordeal marked me.
I'd had a little crush on him you see.

The second time he asked me out I was in my twenties and had bumped into him in a pub along with his cousin who was my old school mate. I recognised him right away but Bully didn't recognise me at all. We all chatted politely for a while then bully boy asked me out just as I was about to walk away. I reminded him that he'd already asked me out, years ago for a joke, didn't he remember? Seeing it dawn on him, his face going bright red and watching him squirm was funny.. He apologised for what he did and said he was an insufferable dick when he was a kid and I cheerfully agreed. Then he said "I've blown any chance of a date with you haven't I?" and I cheerfully agreed to that too.

I love this story. Good for you. I hope it made him think.
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