My bully has Facebook friend requested me

[planetme]

At school, there was a girl in the year above with a reputation for being really "hard". She didn't even know me but when I was about 13 she beat me up in front of loads of people walking home from school. I just remember her pulling me about by my hair and just slapping and punching me over and over again including in my face while all her mates were laughing and encouraging it

I think The worst part was I was with my so called friends, they walked away really fast and let it happen. I think they were scared they'd end up getting hit as well

I never told my parents or school, i wish I had as if it happened to any of my ex (god forbid) I would go to the police. I was too ashamed, I blamed myself

I don't understand why she'd try to friend request me but part of me actually wants to accept her. So I can send a message asking if she remembers what she did to me. Or let her find out from my page that I now have a lovely family, own a very successful, profitable business, drive a Porsche and have a damn good life

Both are pointless so I'll do neither, I am best to just block her

I guess seeing her name pop up has bought it back a bit and I just wanted to get it down.

Bullies have personal problems and are generally nutcases. Picking on a younger kid at school is horrid and cowardly. Unless you know she has regretted her behaviour and you want to friend her, ignore her and let her live her life without the benefit of your friendship. You will be happier that way.

You blocking her shows your natural wisdom.

Similar happened to me. Except my bully had a long campaign and the police ended up involved.

I sent a message back asking her if she remembered being cruel. I asked her why she now wanted to be my friend. I didn't accept the request and I never heard from her again.

Her whole family had issues. I still hate her but I also can see why she bullied.

Facebook is full of negativity and LTB

Forgiveness is good for the soul and for moving forward
I have had people approach me to Apologise for things at school
I would say that’s a good way to move forward
You don’t have to stay froends / Facebook friends but worth seeing f if that’s what she wants

If not , you would know pretty soon
It may be that she’s just wanting a nose
If that’s the case - just block her

I hope she is apologising and yoy can accept
Then you can truly move on

Wish you peace

OP, what you've said resonates so much with me. I'm so sorry you went through this. The effects of bullying are so ingrained - my experiences have affected my whole life . Don't let her back into your life. No apology can undo the pain and humiliation she caused you. Delete, block, try and put it out of your mind.
It sounds like you have a lovely family and great life. You won. She didn't succeed on breaking you.

Depends where you are in your life now, and I don't mean with what car/job/house you have, but emotionally. If you're a fragile person who still lives with the damage and have low self esteem, don't accept her request. You can't know which way it's going to go and if you are going to get any closure or end up feeling back in that place you were at school, mentally. If you are totally healed and emotionally strong, then if you want to accept and see what she wants, but if you're not really arsed then just block and carry on with your life.

Hi. Sounds awful. I felt compelled to comment as I heard a US podcast called Life Kit this week about regret. An expert asked people to send in their regrets and he got lots from around the world. He said he had so many regrets from people who were bullies growing up. There could be a chance this girl feels terrible and wants to apologise?

hi i had the same as you but i did except the freand request and my bully who had made my life hell for 4 years told me she was very sorry for the way she behaved and told me she was being abused as a child i told her it was not a excuse for what she did but i also told her i forgave her and i felt alot better in myself then i blocked her as that part in my life is over

@BuffiGlanvill

Hi. Sounds awful. I felt compelled to comment as I heard a US podcast called Life Kit this week about regret. An expert asked people to send in their regrets and he got lots from around the world. He said he had so many regrets from people who were bullies growing up. There could be a chance this girl feels terrible and wants to apologise?

She could have accompanied the request with a message That’s what my bully did

Can’t believe this thread is still going. Just ignore the request OP and get on with your life.

It’s not your job to make your bully feel better if they are experiencing regret for their behavior.

You can send her a message without accepting her. Ask her why she is messaging you after all this time and does she remember what she did to you? Maybe she's changed and she wants to make amends and say a sincere apology but in my experience bullies don't normally change. I wouldn't under any circumstances accept her but I'd be I'd enjoy watching her grovel if that's what she came to you for

It's entirely up to you but I would accept. Even if it's just for a short time as it may be their way of contacting you to apologise.

Forgiveness is a big thing - if it's acted for, and most of us aren't the person we were as kids. I was also the bullied kid but it made me stronger as a woman, as a wife and as a mother. Not to say that it makes it okay... bullying is NEVER okay.

But please do consider accepting, it may be her regretting her younger self.
Apologies if this has already been said/answered, there were too many replies to work through! Only you can decide and I hope whatever you choose is right for you

I wouldn't. Depending on what is on your facebook - she may just be using you to climb and wreck your life. Which happened to me.

Just don’t acknowledge it. Move on. When she bullied you it was a moment of madness and deep insecurity on her side. She was trying to prove something, especially when everyone else feels insecure. That’s the painful truth of high school. It’s irrelevant now, but the pain and memories are still real. Unfortunately, you can’t control her or control how she has become as an adult. She may be a loser or successful in her life now. I guess you don’t want to see the latter, but then that’s down to how you feel about your own life and insecurities. Without social media, you’d have not given her much thought. Again, do nothing.

One of my bullies friend requested me in my 20's I thought she had changed because she seemed to have a sorted life and kids of her own etc. After a couple of years of her just doing small talk and liking each others photos etc, we eventually met up for a coffee. We had a brief friendship that lasted about 3 months where we'd meet up for coffee, went running together and a few play dates with the kids. I noticed that she had been though a lot of drama and was estranged from her family and would talk bad about people often. Then suddenly out of nowhere she just ghosted me after 3 months, she didn't reply to my text and then I noticed she had deleted me off Facebook. I didn't message her to ask her what was wrong, just left it. But I can only assume she had been trying to gain information about my life because she used to ask a lot of personal questions about my life, house, partners job etc. I was a bit hurt at the time because I thought she'd changed and was my friend. About a year later i noticed her child was at my kids schools and when ever she saw me she'd give me this awful evil smirk, I can't even describe it but it was in a really bitchy way. It wound me up for ages because I swear I did nothing to her but it just goes to show that she didn't change. Once a snake always a snake

Reject the request - she'll know why. You've risen so far above it, you don't need that in your life.

I would never in a million years accept a friend request from bullies from the past. I've curiously checked them out on FB myself though. They all look losers and arseholes. One woman looked like a Jermey Kyle guest which is what I expected.

I have been thinking . What makes someone the target of bullies? Why were we selected?

@ValerieCupcake

I would never in a million years accept a friend request from bullies from the past. I've curiously checked them out on FB myself though. They all look losers and arseholes. One woman looked like a Jermey Kyle guest which is what I expected.

I have been thinking . What makes someone the target of bullies? Why were we selected?

Bullies are people who, 1) want power and popularity by fear or, 2) to exercise their power through their own insecurities and anger issues.

The former type of bully usually goes on to succeed in life through being selfish and bully their way to get what they want, but the latter will often carry their own insecurities throughout their life, whether ‘happily married with kids’ or not.

Being the victim of any bullying is a case of how their treatment of you fits in with what they need to achieve for themselves.

My dad was also a bully. Not at work. He wouldn't have got away with it. But at home, to me and to my mum. My older brother wasn't a victim of it. But he turned into one himself towards me. He is 15 years older than me. My dad was a pathetic little weasel. Selfish as hell at home. He's dead now. I am sad, but I am sad that he wasn't a better dad rather than missing him. I don't miss him. He told me he would kick my ribs in. He swore at me and called me names. Then being bullied at school and mean girls at college was the cherry on the top.

Bullies are people who, 1) want power and popularity by fear or, 2) to exercise their power through their own insecurities and anger issues.

Or just get pleasure from teasing people and making fun of them. Basically unpleasant people. No psychology to it in some cases. Just horrible people

Message her and say “Sorry do i know you?” Them remind her of what she did and ask why the hell she thinks you would give her access to your private social media. Then block

@Usernamerequired

Message her and say “Sorry do i know you?” Them remind her of what she did and ask why the hell she thinks you would give her access to your private social media. Then block

Absolutely this! Make her squirm. I would have to say something before i blocked her. I hate bullies

Looking back at the behaviour of her teenage self through adult eyes, she might be truly horrified at the girl she was! Maybe you could give her a chance to say what she needs to say & that might even help you to emotionally heal..if there's any healing required! There's no right or wrong approach. Just do what you feel comfortable doing & if that means blocking her, then block her.
I wish you well 😊

I am so sorry. I am hopeless at (not very interested in) social media but I agree with the posters who say ‘ignore.’ Don’t give her the satisfaction of being blocked because that’s a reaction. Leave her wondering if you’ve seen it or ignoring it. “There’s only one thing worse than being talked about and that’s not being talked about…’
I remember a couple of bullies from school and, for years, I thought an older, braver me would say “yah boo, bitch! Cow! You don’t scare me…’but now I know that the very best reaction is to completely ignore them or pretend you don’t remember them at all.

Similar happened to me and I'd commented on an old school photo about my 'nemesis' being in it. She messaged me to ask what I meant!? I wrote back clearly reminding her of the awful, damaging way she behaved and treated me at primary school. Then I blocked her. It was good to get it off my chest.

I think the big thing here is if a bully apologises to you or explains what they’ve done they have to understand and realise that their victim might not want any part in it. In my bullies case at least she asked me what she’d done as she’d conveniently forgotten…