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Prom Dress Shopping - Mum's Honour overstepped by Step Mum. AIBU??
341

SADMA · 22/03/2022 16:18

As I write this, I am devastated.

My daughter, my only child, is having her prom this summer. An experience I've looked forward to for a long time. Special days out we had planned for the Easter holidays, having researched and researched colours, styles, hair to match and looking forward to the magical day shopping with my girl, seeing her try on her first formal gowns, have the emotional rite of passage together.

Not now :-( Her step-Mum, who is a tyrant with her 99.9% of the time, has only gone and done it with her, in an appointment lasting little over an hour, buying a dress on sale from the 2019 sale collection which only fits the colour remit and taken what should have been our magical experience and memories made to last a lifetime. Step Mum has her own children to do this with when the time comes.

AIBU to feel she's overstepped the mark?

AIBU to believe it's Mum's honour to prepare her daughter for prom?

AIBU considering I had no issue that Step Mum wanted to book her tan and nails, and reserve the jewel of the crown for just me and my daughter to do together?

Can't help but feel so upset. That first moment can never happen once it's happened..... the first glimpse and to see her face trying dream dresses on. The one moment that can't be recreated let alone replicated now the dress has been bought.

If we go again to try dresses and she finds something she likes better ( chances are she probably would bearing in mind the dress bought doesn't fit) and buy it, world war will commence with my daughter in the middle of it. I always bend for the sake of peace, but this is something else..........The one time in 16 years I don't feel I can let it slide.

AIBU???????

OP's posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Comefromaway · 22/03/2022 16:20

My daughter went prom dressing by herself with a friend then just took me along once she'd chosen so I could pay.

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Comefromaway · 22/03/2022 16:21

Incidentally, if you were leaving it until Easter then you were probably too late.

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HappySonHappyMum · 22/03/2022 16:22

No you're not being unreasonable but why on earth did your daughter go along with it? Did she realise you were so invested in it all?

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Clymene · 22/03/2022 16:22

Devastated?

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Bdhntbis · 22/03/2022 16:23

I can hear in your post how much this meant to you; I suppose the most important question id whether your DD is happy with the dress or if she wants to have the day you both planned? If she is happy then I’d swallow it down and leave it or you will ruin this for your DD. If she isn’t happy then take your DD and try to take the flack for any issues that come up and tell her stepmum that she overstepped

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fairylightsandwaxmelts · 22/03/2022 16:23

Blimey, I think you're hugely over-invested in this.

I went dress shopping with a friend and my mum just paid for a hair do for me.

Did your daughter want all this or is it coming from you?

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Mamamia7962 · 22/03/2022 16:25

Why does the dress not fit? Didn't she try it on?

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BruceAndNosh · 22/03/2022 16:25

Blimey.
Goodness knows how you'll feel about wedding dress shopping

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SickAndTiredAgain · 22/03/2022 16:25

I think this is a weird amount of emotion to put on a prom dress. “Mum’s honour” etc

But, yes it’s shitty if she knew how important it was to you.
Your daughter is 16, why didn’t she just say she didn’t want to go shopping because she was going with you if that’s what she wanted?

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RedskyThisNight · 22/03/2022 16:25

My DD just picked a dress of the internet.

Did your DD want to go through this whole experience with you ? Is she happy with the dress she's got?

It's odd your post doesn't mention at all what your DD thinks and is all about you.

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Mrsbunton · 22/03/2022 16:26

Blimey if you’re like this over prom which is Americanised ridiculousness, imagine what you will be like when she gets married. I think you’re taking it all a little bit too far and you need to relax.

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TopTabby · 22/03/2022 16:27

You are definitely not BU & I feel so sad for you!!
Dd2's Prom was cancelled in 2020 & the dress never worn but I've always said at least we had the lovely day out choosing it.
This is massively overstepping the mark on something that was important to you.

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Hoppinggreen · 22/03/2022 16:28

You are making this about you, it’s not
If your daughter didn’t want to go with her S mum she could have said, maybe she didn’t want such a huge fuss?

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DanielRicciardosSmile · 22/03/2022 16:28

@Comefromaway

Incidentally, if you were leaving it until Easter then you were probably too late.

This. I have a couple of friends with daughters going to proms this summer, and both of them chose and bought their dresses in January and February.
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DetailMouse · 22/03/2022 16:30

I think I'd need to talk to your daughter.

I understand why you're disappointed, but your plans/involvement seem way OTT. Is it possible DD chose to do it this way to avoid avoid fuss? SM can't have done it on her own.

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InsufficientOven · 22/03/2022 16:30

My mum took me prom dress shopping but honestly OP it wasn't that interesting, I went into tk maxx tried it on, it fit and we bought it 😅

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TeethingBabyHelp · 22/03/2022 16:31

I think you're investing way too much in a prom dress. It's just a party, it's really not a life event or a rite of passage

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JustOneMoreStep · 22/03/2022 16:31

Must apologise to my Mum for denying her her 'Mums Honour' since my school prom clashed with a band rehearsal and I chose band over prom

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ParanoidGynodroid · 22/03/2022 16:32

@Mrsbunton

Blimey if you’re like this over prom which is Americanised ridiculousness, imagine what you will be like when she gets married. I think you’re taking it all a little bit too far and you need to relax.

Totally agree. All I did was cough up the money for oldest DDs dress, which she chose online without any input from me whatsoever. 2nd DD wore her sister's dress (her choice), thus saving us money and hassle.
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ForeverLooking · 22/03/2022 16:32

Gently, you are being a little over dramatic. It's a dress. I went to London with my mates and got mine, none of us did the big dress reveal thing with our parents. We were more concerned with who was smuggling in the booze and the benefits of sun-in and glitter body spray. Surely the big dress shop and reveal is a wedding thing? Anyway, you feel how you feel. Is step-mum actually going to see DD go off to prom? If not, put her in the dress, take some photos to send to the stepmum and then go to the prom in the dress she chooses with you. Sneaky, but avoids DD being in an awkward situation.

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Oldtiredfedup · 22/03/2022 16:32

This is just another straw on top of an already existing likd of straws on thd candid back isn’t it? It’s one more time she’d deliberately muscled in with the agenda of preventing yet another daughter/mother experience.

YANBU

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ButtOutBobsMum · 22/03/2022 16:33

If I've read your OP correctly the dress isn't what your DD wanted but you and she feel she's got to accept it for fear of SM kicking off? If this is the case then regardless of you being robbed of a milestone moment in your DD's life, you MUST step in and ensure that your DD gets the dress of HER choice and not her SM's! However just be careful that your DD isn't acting disappointed about the dress just to spare your feelings.

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MumE78 · 22/03/2022 16:33

Actually I'd be really upset by this too.

To do it without consulting or checking with you is just ignorant on her behalf!

My best advice is go and take her dress shopping yourself, find a better one 😊

If she'd said, can we help out as it's quite an expensive thing then I could understand but I think it's over stepping the mark myself.

I'd send it Bk!!!

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LagunaBubbles · 22/03/2022 16:33

There is nothing in your post about your DDs feelings, its all about you. She is 16, not a baby and can speak up for herself. She didn't need to go along with this did she?

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Whatalovelydaffodil · 22/03/2022 16:34

Yes of course stepmum should not have done this.!

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