Threads

See more results

Topics

Usernames

Mumsnet Logo
Please
or
to access all these features

My partners mum wants our baby to call her mama? AIBU?
359

Lily1992 · 22/03/2022 07:13

My partner (m) and I (f) are trying for our first baby. My partners mum wants the baby to refer to her as ‘mama’. She already has other grandchildren which do this, which makes her feel as though she’s justified in wanting this. Adding to this, my boyfriends family called his grandma ‘mama’ and his great grandma ‘great mama’. He’s a mummy’s boy and I feel bad breaking family tradition but I’m really not comfortable with this. I’m the bad guy in this situation and they keep reassuring me that there is a subtle pronunciation difference but I can’t hear it and saying I will ruin tradition and confuse the grandchildren if they all use different names to refer to their grandmother. They’ve made it clear it’s not open to discussion but I can’t get my head around it. AIBU?

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Elleinad0 · 22/03/2022 07:18

They can make it clear that it's not up to discussing all they like.
Your child YOUR choice!

They sound batshit.

No way would I let my child call any of her grandparents 'mama or dada'

They've had their turn.
Don't back down on this OP.
What does your partner think of this?

Please
or
to access all these features

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 22/03/2022 07:19

It depends how its pronounced, my dc called their grandma mama when they were tiny, as it was easier to say, it sounded more like marmar than the sharper ma-ma.
Lot of famililies have different titles that stem from regional or cultural norms. What will your child call you?

Please
or
to access all these features

Carpediem15 · 22/03/2022 07:22

It is quite normal in The Midlands to call Grandmother - Mama. Not my choice but nephew always called her this.

Please
or
to access all these features

maddening · 22/03/2022 07:22

I would think carefully before having dc with this man and his family, if he puts his mum first that is how it will be forever, how domineering is she with the gc?

Please
or
to access all these features

Imissprosecco · 22/03/2022 07:23

I agree with pp. My DS calls my DM marmar because he couldn't say grandma. It was cute and it's stuck. I also think that if your children aren't the first grandchildren then it's best to slot in with the name their cousins use

Please
or
to access all these features

BrutusMcDogface · 22/03/2022 07:23

Is it a cultural/language thing?

Please
or
to access all these features

cptartapp · 22/03/2022 07:24

I'd hold off trying until you iron a few things out. I suspect this is the tip of the iceberg.
How long have you been together?

Please
or
to access all these features

Patriciarose88 · 22/03/2022 07:24

I dont get it. You haven't explained exactly why you're not comfortable with it?
Nothing wrong with mama. That's what I call my grandmother.
If this is important to your DH and his family then I think you should put your feelings aside. They are right, it will be confusing if the grandchildren all use different names.

Please
or
to access all these features

Porcupineintherough · 22/03/2022 07:26

It's not just HER child though, is it @Elleinad0, it's also her partners and this is his family tradition.

OP it's up to you whether this your hill to die on. What do you want your child to call you, that's what it most important. Your child will know you are mum no matter what they call their grandmother- their heart will not be confused. In the end they will ultimately decide what they call their grandmother (and may ultimately go with mama if that's what all their cousins use) but you can always refer to her as granny or whatever. Not much you can do about what your partner calls her, or what she calls herself.

Please
or
to access all these features

Bananabutter · 22/03/2022 07:26

I’d tell them to get fucked. It’s your child - they don’t get to make anything clear.

I would be very firm and up and upfront and tell them they can be grandma/Nan/granny etc but not mama. Repeat like a broken record.

If they refuse and cannot respect you as a parent then they don’t get to see the baby. It’s that simple.

Please
or
to access all these features

TomDaleysCardigan · 22/03/2022 07:28

My mum is Mama. Short for the incredibly formal and antiquated 'Grandmama' and pronounced 'Marmar'. My daughter calls me Mama sometimes too but as Mam-ma or Mumma.

Please
or
to access all these features

FrancesFlute · 22/03/2022 07:28

I used 'momar' for mine. How is it pronounced? My cousins called her Grandma. No issue.

Are you wanting to be called mama or mummy?

Please
or
to access all these features

Porcupineintherough · 22/03/2022 07:29

@Bananabutter its "that simple" if the baby's dad blinks out of existence shortly after conception, otherwise it's not that simple, is it?

Please
or
to access all these features

NewName9273 · 22/03/2022 07:31

@maddening

I would think carefully before having dc with this man and his family, if he puts his mum first that is how it will be forever, how domineering is she with the gc?

I agree with this. You are in a position to choose right now. This is just the start of you always playing second best to you ur MIL.

Personally I would cut my losses now and not play any part on this family.
Please
or
to access all these features

WeNeedSirSamuelVimesOnTheCase · 22/03/2022 07:32

My DC have a "marmar" too, I hadn't realised it was this common. Ours came about organically due to DD's earliest attempts to say grandma. MIL also has a non-traditional name for similar reasons with a different grandchild.

Would "Mama Firstname" be a possible compromise?

Please
or
to access all these features

RaininSummer · 22/03/2022 07:35

Unless you want to be called mama I would go with flow here as it's better if your child uses the same name as other GC. I would find it unusual but only because we are always nans in our family.

Please
or
to access all these features

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 22/03/2022 07:36

I think it's quite a normal nickname as many young kids struggle to pronounce "grandma" or similar.

It's really not a hill I'd die on. Even if you don't use it yourself, if their cousins etc. use it then it's not going to be something you can stop long term.

Please
or
to access all these features

PinkSyCo · 22/03/2022 07:36

Is it a language thing? My niece calls her French grandmother ‘Mamie,’ which sounds very much like ‘mummy’ so seems a bit weird to some.

Please
or
to access all these features

BennyTheWonderDog · 22/03/2022 07:36

Sounds like “mama” is just their word for grandmother, just like “grandma”, “granny”, “nan” etc, rather than them wanting the baby to refer to its grandmother as its mother. Is it a regional thing?

Wouldn’t bother me particularly- would you kick off if they’d asked for “granny” or “nana”?

Please
or
to access all these features

AngelicInnocent · 22/03/2022 07:37

How about a compromise of Gama. Pronounced Ga Mar.

It's how grandma is pronounced where I live

Please
or
to access all these features

RegardingMary · 22/03/2022 07:40

My mum and MiL are both Mama pronounced more like mammar.

Please
or
to access all these features

SpringSparrow · 22/03/2022 07:40

I can’t get my head around why you are discussing a baby that hasn’t even been conceived yet with your partner’s parents? However, if you have strong feelings about not using ‘mama’ then maybe rethink having children with this man, as I think you should have a say in what grandparents are known as. My mum was already grandma to the other grandchildren, and my husband’s mum wanted to be known as nana.

Please
or
to access all these features

Lurking9to5 · 22/03/2022 07:41

No, weird. Mama means mother not grandmother.
What about Gramama.
Grá means love in irish so if she has any scottish or Irish ancestry that might appeal.

My own mother wanted my dc to call her glamour. I didnt fight it.

Please
or
to access all these features

JustMarriedBecca · 22/03/2022 07:41

I think the Grandmother gets to decide what to be called. Unless it's Mummy (which is weird) I don't think marmar if said in an European way is that unusual. Like someone has said above, she'll know you are her mother. Not a hill to die on, particularly if you aren't the first siblings to have children.

My MIL wanted to be Granny like my Mum so I just refer to her as Granny Name.

Please
or
to access all these features

Frankin · 22/03/2022 07:42

Ultimately, if you hate it then you have every right to say so

But calling your gran mommar is the norm in the midlands and if the other grandkids call her that then it’s understandable that she request the same from yours.

This is a cultural thing. It’s fairly unknown outside the region I think which makes it quaint and weird to other folk, but it is traditional and if you can get your head around it then it’s a kind thing to do for your extended family that acknowledges that tradition.

Please
or
to access all these features
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.