My partners mum wants our baby to call her mama? AIBU?

[Lily1992]

My partner (m) and I (f) are trying for our first baby. My partners mum wants the baby to refer to her as ‘mama’. She already has other grandchildren which do this, which makes her feel as though she’s justified in wanting this. Adding to this, my boyfriends family called his grandma ‘mama’ and his great grandma ‘great mama’. He’s a mummy’s boy and I feel bad breaking family tradition but I’m really not comfortable with this. I’m the bad guy in this situation and they keep reassuring me that there is a subtle pronunciation difference but I can’t hear it and saying I will ruin tradition and confuse the grandchildren if they all use different names to refer to their grandmother. They’ve made it clear it’s not open to discussion but I can’t get my head around it. AIBU?

He’s your partner not your husband - tradition didn’t extend as far as marrying you.

You’re not part of his family. His relations don’t get to decide your family’s choices.

@Supersimkin2 there's a big difference between family's own traditions and the tradition of getting married - which not everyone wants and unless I've missed something, OP hasn't actually said it was what she wanted, for all you know it was her that didn't want to get married.

It isn't just her family though is it, the baby is both of theirs so his family is the baby's family. If she doesn't like that she needs to rethink trying for one

Go for Nana?

I hear a lot of it in Yorkshire too.

Our children 'invented' their own name for their grandparents. As did my sister's children. Do you can call your parents/ in-laws what YOU want, your children will either accept that, change to what their cousins call them, or make up their own names.

I think it's weird - i was Mama for 4 years, to me it's what small children call their mothers. My mother was Nana, her choice
I've never heard of grandmothers being called Mama and would find it really weird, like a grandfather being called Daddy. How would your partner feel about that?

You should stick to your guns - Mama is who you will be, she can pick from Granny, Nana etc. It is a bit concerning that she's laying the law down now, before you're pregnant.

Is it a cultural thing? My DH and his family is Chinese and the Cantonese word for grandma is literally Mama.

If I’m honest it bothered me when I was pregnant but now it doesn’t. DD has never called me mama (and I never called my mum that) I’ve always called myself Mummy to her so that’s what DD calls me.

If I’m talking about PILs I use grandma and grandpa but DD uses the Cantonese names for them (I really struggle with the tonal pronunciation)

My younger boys call me mama, but if they didn’t I’d not be fussed if they called grandma that instead. As long as it’s different to what they call you that’s all that matters.

That's sick and twisted 🤢

Might they be French speakers? Just a thought. There are several informal French terms, including gra-mere, mémère, mémé, mamé, and mamie.

We had Nanny, Nanna, Granny, Grandma, Gran and Gangan, Grandad, Grandpa, Grandpop and Gassa throughout our extended family.

It's just a sound, maybe you're overthinking it.

If all her other grandchildren call her mama then that's her name and you'll just have to put up with it.
I personally think that grandparents get to choose what they want to be called.

Old thread from March this year.