My partners mum wants our baby to call her mama? AIBU?

[Lily1992]

My partner (m) and I (f) are trying for our first baby. My partners mum wants the baby to refer to her as ‘mama’. She already has other grandchildren which do this, which makes her feel as though she’s justified in wanting this. Adding to this, my boyfriends family called his grandma ‘mama’ and his great grandma ‘great mama’. He’s a mummy’s boy and I feel bad breaking family tradition but I’m really not comfortable with this. I’m the bad guy in this situation and they keep reassuring me that there is a subtle pronunciation difference but I can’t hear it and saying I will ruin tradition and confuse the grandchildren if they all use different names to refer to their grandmother. They’ve made it clear it’s not open to discussion but I can’t get my head around it. AIBU?

girlmom21, we use Granny.

@apple93 that’s crazy!

I disliked the name my MIL wanted to be called but that was her name that her grandchildren used so it would have been very strange to insist on a different one.

I’ve not heard of mama used for a grandmother.

Not read the thread then? Plenty of people have said this is the case.

@TerribleZebra

If your partner is from the East Midlands it's really common for granny to be called Mama (pronounced ma-mar). YABU you haven't concieved yet, you refer to your partner as a mummy's boy - you've got bigger problems than what your currently fictional kid is going to call their gran. If you have a boy will you encourage him to despise you just so no one accuses him of being a mummy's boy?

Well said. Too often a man who cares about his mum and his mum’s feelings is called a mummy’s boy, which is really stupid when, as you say, many people using that accusation as a slur have some themselves!

My ex partner and his family havd encouraged our daughter to call his mum (her grandmother’ ‘mother’ - and she dies.

I find it utterly despicable, personally. And very very very weird

On a purely practical note, your child will call their GM 'mama' if that is what they hear their cousins doing. They are not going to want to be the odd one out, and their cousins are likely to challenge them on it. Are you really going to enforce your child doing something different?

I really don't think this is a hill to die on. The word will not mean ' 'mother' to your child, so don't let it mean it to you.

*does

@BrutusMcDogface

Is it a cultural/language thing?

It is certainly a Midlands Derbyshire/Nottinghamshire thing. Usually pronounced Mammar rather than Mama (Downton style).

@SoupDragon

I’ve not heard of mama used for a grandmother.

Not read the thread then? Plenty of people have said this is the case.

That doesn't mean we haven't heard it in actual real life...

The whole point of that comment was a response to the posters in the thread saying otherwise...

There's a lot than happens in MN world that doesn't happen in the real world.

@TrickyD

girlmom21, we use Granny.

Oh I do like Granny but MIL vetoed it

We called my grandma mama, pronounced it ‘mum-ar’ rather than ‘ma-ma’. I absolutely never felt that it was in place of my own mum. Instead it felt intimate, a bit different and glamorous, kind of like my grandma. Growing up I loved that I had a mama, while other people had a nan or a gran. I think your child might feel a bit left out if their cousins call her something different to them.

Hum children normally decide for themselves and they will always know you as mum/mummy . It has made me think what I would like to be called when my first grandchild arrives in a few weeks . I always thought it would be nanny like my mum was to my children . But now that seems weird like I’m taking her name ( she only passed away 2 years ago ) never thought it would seem so weird

Eventually the child is likely to say some cute approximation at the chosen name for Grandma and it will stick. My daughter was supposed to call my mother Grandma but at about 18 months said 'Nana' and it stayed and that is what her children call me.

I agree with everyone else. Throw this one back in and find someone else to have children with.

I've heard grandparents called Mama pronounce Ma-Mar

Never Ma-ma.

How bizarre. If you're not comfortable, don't do it.

It's the grandmother's choice what she is called. I can't conceive of not letting family see your child or causing such a big issue over a name.

This whole thread is unhinged PFB netmums nonsense.

Not the point of the thread but when did it become a thing to discuss TTC with parents ? I announced my pregnancies as did my DD ( and she and I are very close) when they were confirmed.
Oh and I am Granny to youngest DGC and Gran to teenage DGC.

OP my sons naming of people in his family would drive you mad then.
My mum is mum
My dad is dad-dad
I’m just my name at the moment (sometimes I’m mummy)
His dad is daddy

However he knows his Nan is his Nan and not his mum and so on and so forth. It’s not a hill to die on as he is 3 and doesn’t speak much yet.

Why does your partners mum even know you're trying to get pregnant?

@CurbsideProphet

It's a bit odd to me that you've discussed with your boyfriend's family that you are trying to have a baby. Maybe this is completely normal in some families... I felt awkward telling mine we were having to start IVF. You're having an argument about something that may not even be an issue for several years. Perhaps now is the time to check if there's anything else he feels so strongly about that it can't be compromised on.

I’m with you @curbsideprophet ours only knew as we suffered a miscarriage and needed support. I can’t imagine the pressure of having our parents chime in on things that haven’t happened yet, or asking for progress updates

@HollowTalk
This^^^^^^
Otherwise deal with more problems down the line

This thread has brought back memories. I left the east midlands more than four decades ago, so had forgotten that I grew up hearing my friends calling their grandmothers Mamar! My mum hated it, so mine were grandma and gran!

So yep, Mamar sounds not at all like mama to me, and wouldn't be confused with a word meaning mummy.

My DD and SIL asked me what I'd like to be, and I appreciated that. But i do think that the parent should get a say too.

It wouldn't bother me as I'd be focusing on getting pregnant and having a healthy baby. If once my baby was born I wanted them to call her a different name I'd encourage it by choosing what name I wanted my child to use.

@SquirrelG
It's not a problem if your willing to take this sort of crap