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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The Nephew Show!

436 replies

ClemFandangoo · 21/03/2022 14:26

Would this annoy you? AIBU?

Every time (weekends) we visit DP’s parents DP’s brother’s boys are always there. Always. DP’s brother and wife never are just the boys. Even if they aren’t around, as soon as DP’s brother gets wind we are coming around he drops them over and they stay all day!

Don’t get me wrong they are lovely boys but they are tiring and constantly need entertaining. They can’t play on their own.

It used to be that when DP and I visited his parents it’d be the ‘Noah’ and ‘Ollie’ show, and we’d spent the whole time watching them perform dances, magic, singing… and SP’s parents would be all ‘ooh show DP & Clem xyz…aren’t they clever?!’ So we’d leave without having had any conversation with DP’s parents and I’d feel like I’m just there to clap and coo.

Recently they seem to have latched on to me, so when we are there they’re clambering over me, want to play with me and only me etc so I basically end up babysitting while DP’s Dad just slumps on sofa watching his sports and DP and his Mum have a lovely tea and natter. I feel like a mug (and yes I know I probably am).

So what’s brought this up again is that DP’s brother, wife and the boys were spending Mothers Day together as a family so we offered to take DP’s Mum (and Dad) out for a meal. Lovely adult time, can actually chat and get to know them. Then DP says ‘oh the boys might be coming!’ ?!?! I said why aren’t they spending time with their Mum? apparently they will be in the morning but wanted to come for the meal. Fab.

I was so annoyed I actually said to DP, God forbid they spend time with their parents! ShockConfused Probably was a bit off I said that, but I just want to spend some time with DP and his parents without DP’s nephews dominating! It changes the dynamic! Because of this I don’t really know his parents and they don’t know me!

AIBU? I feel like us visiting is seen as a chance to babysit their children. They never want to see us by the way, I can’t remember the last time they said more than a brief ‘hi’ to us as they’re thrusting their kids through the front door.

Maybe I am being unreasonable, I’m very happy to hear that I am and just suck it up.

OP posts:
SamphiretheStickerist · 21/03/2022 14:29

Have you spoken to DH about you now being a glorified babysitter whenever he visits his mum?

You coud leave him to take the kids, stay at home. Let him see it in action without you there to corral them! That might bt the quickest way to get his attention so he can be part of any solution...

JazzyBBG · 21/03/2022 14:30

No I don't think you are. I would book some adult things if possible so it can be quite clear they can't come eg theatre, pub.

DP's brother is a CF. Feel bad for the kids but they aren't yours.

MaeveKerrigan · 21/03/2022 14:32

I'd just send your partner to visit his parents so you avoid having to put up with the annoying nephews.

MzHz · 21/03/2022 14:32

Cancel the outing and say to dp and BIL if need be, no, we’re having an adult lunch without kids. We see the nephews enough and this is just for us

HyggeTygge · 21/03/2022 14:32

I assume you don't have kids yourself that are part of all this too?
Either way it's a bit of a bloody liberty!

Original poster
ClemFandangoo · 21/03/2022 14:32

Also another thing is I always leave feeling physically and mentally drained. Last time in the eve when we were back at ours I fell asleep whilst watching TV and he said ‘aw you tired?’ I said well yeah you’re not the one who has been constantly interacting and playing all afternoon! Hmm

OP posts:
eldora · 21/03/2022 14:32

YANBU. The only solution is to send DH on his own until he/PIL get the message.

They are using you as a babysitter whilst talk to your DH.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 21/03/2022 14:33

Just say the restaurant is booked for four and they can’t accommodate more.

eldora · 21/03/2022 14:34

Also, if you do see nephews, stop being so available.

Go on your phone and ignore them or tell DH to sit with the boys whilst you go to the kitchen.

Stop waiting for this people to be considerate to you, they won't.

Fandangoes · 21/03/2022 14:35

Absolutely not! Book somewhere 'Adult' and tell them its not suitable for children and you want to spend time with your parents by yourselves

Original poster
ClemFandangoo · 21/03/2022 14:36

@SamphiretheStickerist

Have you spoken to DH about you now being a glorified babysitter whenever he visits his mum?

You coud leave him to take the kids, stay at home. Let him see it in action without you there to corral them! That might bt the quickest way to get his attention so he can be part of any solution...

I have made comments to DP. but I think I need to just say outright that ‘you need to play more with your nephews’ but I realise the issue is DP’s brother.

We live 3 hours away so we actually set out to see them for the weekend or the day. I suppose I could just not come one weekend, not sure if that would look a bit weird.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 21/03/2022 14:37

Can you just stop interacting with them? This would drive me nuts. They are not your responsibility. Send them over to grandad!

Original poster
ClemFandangoo · 21/03/2022 14:38

@HyggeTygge

I assume you don't have kids yourself that are part of all this too? Either way it's a bit of a bloody liberty!
No we don’t, not from not wanting it’s just not happened yet. Although sometimes I am put off as bad as that sounds 😆
OP posts:
CurbsideProphet · 21/03/2022 14:40

@ClemFandangoo if you don't go and your DP and his parents have to share interacting with the 2 boys they will very quickly realise what part you usually play in their quality time together.

Your DP's brother and SIL sound like they actively take advantage of everyone's awkwardness around the subject. They know they can rely on you to babysit without money or complaint.

SamphiretheStickerist · 21/03/2022 14:41

We live 3 hours away so we actually set out to see them for the weekend or the day. I suppose I could just not come one weekend, not sure if that would look a bit weird.

Bloody hell! You travel for that?!?!?

Let it look weird. If DP can't see it now, when you explain it to him, let him and his family see just how odd it is when you aren't there to pick up the pieces.

That you don't have kids of your own only makes it worse! Why the hell would you want somone elses?

But it also makes it easier for you not to go. You have no kids to take to GPs, so let DP go on his own. Be too busy to babysit!

FirstTimeSecondTime · 21/03/2022 14:41

Have you told everyone that the children are not invited to the Mother’s Day meal?
I think honesty is the best policy here. Tell your do and his parents that you won’t be visiting with dp next time he’s there because you find the children exhausting

eldora · 21/03/2022 14:42

I have made comments to DP. but I think I need to just say outright that ‘you need to play more with your nephews’ but I realise the issue is DP’s brother.

I can't believe you haven't said that yet. What's stopping you? The issue isn't just your DH's brother, it's your DH and MIL too, as they go off for a natter leaving you alone. They're all complicit.

We live 3 hours away so we actually set out to see them for the weekend or the day. I suppose I could just not come one weekend, not sure if that would look a bit weird.

So back yourself and say 'I'm tired of being left alone to entertain the kids every time we visit. Clearly I'm just seen as a babysitter so I won't go up until you all acknowledge that I'm not and start acting it.'

They will try and tell you 'it's because you're so good with them' but it's manipulation, don't fall for it.

Georgeskitchen · 21/03/2022 14:42

YANBU nothing more draining than constantly being expected to entertain other people's kids. One thing I learnt early in parenthood is that just because you think your brats are the best thing since sliced bread.....nobody else does!!! Their parents sound like massive piss takers and I would put money on the PILs probably think so too, as much as they love their grandsons, but are probably too polite to say anything.

Put your foot down about the Mother's day meal, why not say the table is booked for 4 and the restaurant is fully booked all day, no room for anyone else!!

buckeejit · 21/03/2022 14:42

You need dp to say to his parents & bro that you want some adult time. If he won't then spend Mother's Day by yourself or say you'll take mil out another time

Yanbu, we spend most of our holidays visiting pil & sil drops her dd off at every opportunity. It's bloody torturous!

Original poster
ClemFandangoo · 21/03/2022 14:42

They are using you as a babysitter whilst talk to your DH.

I know

Stop waiting for this people to be considerate to you, they won't.

I also know, I find it hard in this situation. I’m not confident enough or feel established enough to speak up, I know I need to Blush

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/03/2022 14:43

Just stop going! You are acting like a martyr but no-one is actually forcing you to do this. Do something else instead. Go and meet a friend and send DH to his parents/babysit.

buckeejit · 21/03/2022 14:43

Also I have dc & that doesn't make it any better being lumbered with another child constantly

MsTSwift · 21/03/2022 14:45

I felt annoyed just reading that! Bloody cheek! Using you as an unpaid child carer on your precious time off after travelling 3 hours! Sod that! I would refuse to go unless that changed.

sashagabadon · 21/03/2022 14:45

I would find that all very annoying too YANBU!

MsTSwift · 21/03/2022 14:46

Why are you being so wet about it though? Are you scared of your Dh or something?