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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The Nephew Show!

436 replies

ClemFandangoo · 21/03/2022 14:26

Would this annoy you? AIBU?

Every time (weekends) we visit DP’s parents DP’s brother’s boys are always there. Always. DP’s brother and wife never are just the boys. Even if they aren’t around, as soon as DP’s brother gets wind we are coming around he drops them over and they stay all day!

Don’t get me wrong they are lovely boys but they are tiring and constantly need entertaining. They can’t play on their own.

It used to be that when DP and I visited his parents it’d be the ‘Noah’ and ‘Ollie’ show, and we’d spent the whole time watching them perform dances, magic, singing… and SP’s parents would be all ‘ooh show DP & Clem xyz…aren’t they clever?!’ So we’d leave without having had any conversation with DP’s parents and I’d feel like I’m just there to clap and coo.

Recently they seem to have latched on to me, so when we are there they’re clambering over me, want to play with me and only me etc so I basically end up babysitting while DP’s Dad just slumps on sofa watching his sports and DP and his Mum have a lovely tea and natter. I feel like a mug (and yes I know I probably am).

So what’s brought this up again is that DP’s brother, wife and the boys were spending Mothers Day together as a family so we offered to take DP’s Mum (and Dad) out for a meal. Lovely adult time, can actually chat and get to know them. Then DP says ‘oh the boys might be coming!’ ?!?! I said why aren’t they spending time with their Mum? apparently they will be in the morning but wanted to come for the meal. Fab.

I was so annoyed I actually said to DP, God forbid they spend time with their parents! ShockConfused Probably was a bit off I said that, but I just want to spend some time with DP and his parents without DP’s nephews dominating! It changes the dynamic! Because of this I don’t really know his parents and they don’t know me!

AIBU? I feel like us visiting is seen as a chance to babysit their children. They never want to see us by the way, I can’t remember the last time they said more than a brief ‘hi’ to us as they’re thrusting their kids through the front door.

Maybe I am being unreasonable, I’m very happy to hear that I am and just suck it up.

OP posts:
sillysmiles · 21/03/2022 15:24

DP’s Mum has already phoned the restaurant and added two more seats so that’s that then

DP’s Dad actually drove to pick the boys up so ‘we could see them’ before we left

I wonder if this is partly coming from DP's parents - that having your both there means they have "help" looking after the children. So they have them - but someone else does the hard work!

Also - when you are there and you are talking to his parents and the boys interrupt with a show - be clear and firm - the adults are talking go play.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/03/2022 15:25

And why is this all on you to sort out?

Tell DP to have a word with his brother and sort it out. It's unfair on all of you.

Treeroo · 21/03/2022 15:25

Enjoy the day with your dad hopefully the weather will be lovely as restaurants full of mums and kids will be expensive and busy, so a much nicer day ahead for you.
How often did your dp do the 3 hour trip before you met? Let him continue without you a bit more then when he says he’s tired out he might think about what he said to you.

WinniesHunny · 21/03/2022 15:28

Just tell them that you and his brother and wife have a lot in common.

Neither you or they want to spend your Saturdays looking after the detritus of their sex life.

Original poster
ClemFandangoo · 21/03/2022 15:29

Do you know what really peed me off last time. I’d spent a couple of hours keeping the boys company, then they went with DP and DP’s Mum to do something in the garden for 5 so I used that time to decompress and mindlessly scroll Instagram. DP’s Dad came downstairs and made a comment about me being unsocial and on my phone. Honestly I was Angry says the man who sits there watching TV all day and not engaging with anyone!

OP posts:
RedWingBoots · 21/03/2022 15:32

@ClemFandangoo

Do you know what really peed me off last time. I’d spent a couple of hours keeping the boys company, then they went with DP and DP’s Mum to do something in the garden for 5 so I used that time to decompress and mindlessly scroll Instagram. DP’s Dad came downstairs and made a comment about me being unsocial and on my phone. Honestly I was Angry says the man who sits there watching TV all day and not engaging with anyone!
As a woman it is your job to babysit his grandchildren even if he is in the same room.
nitsandwormsdodger · 21/03/2022 15:33

I don’t think they are CF because you have given them no indications that this is anything but huge pleasure especially as you keep coming back for more !
I am astounded that a grown woman can’t say to her boyfriend “ I’m not enjoying spending all day entertaining the boys because Its exhausting and I haven’t gotten to know your parents and them me, what can we do about this darling?
Options
Stay home every/ some weekends
Get oh to say Tell boys can’t come every weekend
Get oh to Tell new in-laws they need to stay to supervise own kids
Get oh to tell parents you both don’t like scenario
Go out for lunch just you and oh for a break in the day
Book an adult only meal so boys have to be gone by certain time
Etc etc
If this basic level assertiveness is too hard book counselling to get to bottom of your issues

Pumasonsatsumas · 21/03/2022 15:33

Can you not just ignore the children? When they ask to play say charmingly, I'll be along in a minute, I'm just chatting to granny. And if they persist you say 'ask DH, he'd love to play'. Repeat it a few times and they'll get the idea you're not a beanbag

JodieFoster1 · 21/03/2022 15:33

Hmmm, DPs family are sounding less and less attractive. Doesn’t sound like any of them respect you.

MargosKaftan · 21/03/2022 15:34

Perfect, spend the day with your dad.

Invite them to you next time. Time after that, be busy and send dp alone.

6 and 8 are cute but hard work ages.

lemongreentea · 21/03/2022 15:35

just stop going or if you do go keep scrolling. fil can entertain his own grandchidren. you are not the unhired help. these people are all very cheeky.
alternatively start parenting them, 'have you washed your hands? are you getting too much screentime?' 'read this book on maths/science'.

I'm sure you will hear how you are overstepping with her children from sil soon enough!

Brefugee · 21/03/2022 15:35

Your job as aunt is to feed them junk and teach them filthy jokes Wink

Momicrone · 21/03/2022 15:36

It's bonkers that they think you would be interested in the kids at all

WinniesHunny · 21/03/2022 15:39

@ClemFandangoo

Do you know what really peed me off last time. I’d spent a couple of hours keeping the boys company, then they went with DP and DP’s Mum to do something in the garden for 5 so I used that time to decompress and mindlessly scroll Instagram. DP’s Dad came downstairs and made a comment about me being unsocial and on my phone. Honestly I was Angry says the man who sits there watching TV all day and not engaging with anyone!
Do not ever go there again.
LottyD32 · 21/03/2022 15:39

I would not be going to that meal, or to visit them again.

Rude fuckers, the lot of them.

Gonnagetgoing · 21/03/2022 15:41

I'd be annoyed if this happened.

I have a nephew (and another niece and nephew but they live 2-3 hours away so don't see them as much). His parents would never dare to land him on me or my DPs and they're really grateful if I/they look after them by ourselves.

I sometimes do take out DNephew by himself for a couple of hours or to a film at cinema or park and he's usually delightful but he can also be a threenager - wanting to play with you constantly!

I'd definitely put my foot down and say no as the parents are using you.

Thighdentitycrisis · 21/03/2022 15:41

How about going reverse on In-laws , arrange to pick up nephews from DBils and take them out for the day, GP’s will ask why didn’t Clem come to see us?

Scout2016 · 21/03/2022 15:42

Do your DP and his brother not see each other? Do you spend time with him and your nephews then? Or do the brothers hang out? Strikes me as bit odd there's a fuss about dropping them off so DP sees his nephew, but not his brother.

UnconditionalSurrender · 21/03/2022 15:42

So you are too nice, understandably, but your DH will walk all over if you if you don't tell him no. This is a DH problem. He needs to tell his DB to stop dropping the kids off when you are there. If he doesn't do this it's because he is prioritising his family over you. If not nipped in the bud it just gets worse. I know. Just don't go until your DH sorts it out. Once a month is too often anyway.

Ionlydomassiveones · 21/03/2022 15:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

RachelGreeneGreep · 21/03/2022 15:42

@ClemFandangoo

Do you know what really peed me off last time. I’d spent a couple of hours keeping the boys company, then they went with DP and DP’s Mum to do something in the garden for 5 so I used that time to decompress and mindlessly scroll Instagram. DP’s Dad came downstairs and made a comment about me being unsocial and on my phone. Honestly I was Angry says the man who sits there watching TV all day and not engaging with anyone!
I would have laughed in his face tbh.

OP, you need to speak up. Nope to babysitting them in a restaurant or anywhere else.

rhowton · 21/03/2022 15:42

I initially felt like this when my BIL and SIL had their son, and he was constantly center of attention. Then I had my own, and I realised that I was being a bit unreasonable. I think once you have your own children, you'll feel a bit less annoyed.

diddl · 21/03/2022 15:42

"I’ve decided I’m not going to go, I think I’m going to spend the day with my Dad instead."

What a lovely idea-good for you.

I'd actually reconsider my relationship over this.

Gonnagetgoing · 21/03/2022 15:43

@ClemFandangoo

Do you know what really peed me off last time. I’d spent a couple of hours keeping the boys company, then they went with DP and DP’s Mum to do something in the garden for 5 so I used that time to decompress and mindlessly scroll Instagram. DP’s Dad came downstairs and made a comment about me being unsocial and on my phone. Honestly I was Angry says the man who sits there watching TV all day and not engaging with anyone!
@ClemFandangoo - that really isn't on!

Rude fucker!

I have this too sometimes - spend an afternoon playing with nephew which is great but after a few hours playing or out at park I need to decompress like you and either watch TV or scroll my phone.

WinniesHunny · 21/03/2022 15:45

@rhowton

I initially felt like this when my BIL and SIL had their son, and he was constantly center of attention. Then I had my own, and I realised that I was being a bit unreasonable. I think once you have your own children, you'll feel a bit less annoyed.
The only interpretation I can make from this comment is that you're desperate to fob your kids off on anyone remotely related to you
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