The Nephew Show!

[ClemFandangoo]

Would this annoy you? AIBU?

Every time (weekends) we visit DP’s parents DP’s brother’s boys are always there. Always. DP’s brother and wife never are just the boys. Even if they aren’t around, as soon as DP’s brother gets wind we are coming around he drops them over and they stay all day!

Don’t get me wrong they are lovely boys but they are tiring and constantly need entertaining. They can’t play on their own.

It used to be that when DP and I visited his parents it’d be the ‘Noah’ and ‘Ollie’ show, and we’d spent the whole time watching them perform dances, magic, singing… and SP’s parents would be all ‘ooh show DP & Clem xyz…aren’t they clever?!’ So we’d leave without having had any conversation with DP’s parents and I’d feel like I’m just there to clap and coo.

Recently they seem to have latched on to me, so when we are there they’re clambering over me, want to play with me and only me etc so I basically end up babysitting while DP’s Dad just slumps on sofa watching his sports and DP and his Mum have a lovely tea and natter. I feel like a mug (and yes I know I probably am).

So what’s brought this up again is that DP’s brother, wife and the boys were spending Mothers Day together as a family so we offered to take DP’s Mum (and Dad) out for a meal. Lovely adult time, can actually chat and get to know them. Then DP says ‘oh the boys might be coming!’ ?!?! I said why aren’t they spending time with their Mum? apparently they will be in the morning but wanted to come for the meal. Fab.

I was so annoyed I actually said to DP, God forbid they spend time with their parents! Probably was a bit off I said that, but I just want to spend some time with DP and his parents without DP’s nephews dominating! It changes the dynamic! Because of this I don’t really know his parents and they don’t know me!

AIBU? I feel like us visiting is seen as a chance to babysit their children. They never want to see us by the way, I can’t remember the last time they said more than a brief ‘hi’ to us as they’re thrusting their kids through the front door.

Maybe I am being unreasonable, I’m very happy to hear that I am and just suck it up.

I would simply say "Sorry booked table for four of us!" No room for any more .Fully booked MD and all that. Also say occasionally you cant go to his parents . You are not a sodding Nanny!

DP has to call his brother and say it is not on
It is his time with parents

This was my thoughts.

Although I do agree to her not going a few times, so that her DP can see for himself just how much time she spends entertaining his nephews. I definitely think she needs to do that. So, glad she’s done it this time.

The main thing here is now that DP knows how she feels, what will he do about it? Because it appears he’s in agreement with her about how often the kids are there.

So for me DP needs to grow a bit more backbone and speak to his brother first and foremost. Tell him it’s not fair to keep dumping the kids round there for the whole day when you guys have gone to spend quality time with his parents. And that it’s not on, inviting his kids to a meal they weren’t invited to.

DP really needs to put his foot down here.

I’m glad you’ve spoken to your DP now OP.
It’s good that’s he’s understood and agreed with what you’ve said.

Keep working on that assertiveness, because you’ve taken that first step in getting your feelings out there. Next step is to stand your ground and hopefully get your DP to be more assertive towards his brother and parents!

If sil was hacked off she wouldn't have agreed to them taking dc out on MOTHER'S DAY.. Sil sounds like a cf.

@ClemFandangoo - well done for having that conversation and laying down your lines.
I hope your DP pays attention.

Have a lovely day on Sunday with your Dad and sister, safe in the knowledge that you can have grown up conversation and not be expected to be the kid-wrangler!

@ClemFandangoo - I'm pleased the conversation happened and you're happy with how it went.

If you don't mind, I have one more question for you - what is your DP going to tell his parents if they ask where you are this weekend, especially if his brother had farmed his children off to Granny & Grandad's on the misguided impression that you'll be there too to look after them and entertain them???

He really needs to tell them the truth, that you don't like entertaining the children for hours on end, that you have wanted to get to know his parents and that when you visit, you're visiting them not the nephews. Adults only for the time being!

Good job, op.

Love that comment

Oh poor you, you've got a terrible cold this weekend and can't attend the meal last minute :(. I'd personally avoid going for a little while and make excuses and see if your partner gets sick of them. If they don't send them over without you being there then you need to have a real discussion because that's really weird. You sound like a nice aunt to them but of course you have your limits and it doesn't sound like you know his family well at all.

Is the meal still going ahead without your free babysitting services OP?

How did the weekend visit to your Dad go @ClemFandangoo? Did your DP mention how things went when he was visiting his parents solo??? Did your nephew show up again? Was he dropped to his grandparents by your DP's brother???

I imagine that the 3 other weekends that you aren’t there is exhausting for his parents so as soon as you two come along, they jump at the chance to have some downtime!

I’d keep pushing that you want to get to know his parents better.