To think this isn't normal re DS 12

[Deereemer]

Ds got a tech ban this weekend due to unacceptable behaviour yesterday. The bam is for 3 weeks as things have been getting out of hand with how he has been, increasingly rude, shouty, downright aggressive at times.

He is in his bed crying and i mean wailing because he will miss the new fortnight update. When he stops crying he just stares at the wall and doesn't do anything at. All.

I am worried this is a sign of gaming addiction or depression, i don't know.

Any advice welcomed

It’s a sign of manipulative behaviour to get his own way. Ignore him, he’ll get tired of it when he sees it doesn’t work.

Yep likely a gaming addiction but also him trying a new tactic to get his own way.

@Blossomtoes

It’s a sign of manipulative behaviour to get his own way. Ignore him, he’ll get tired of it when he sees it doesn’t work.

Without knowing the child this is a huge and very uncaring assumption.

He sounds genuinely distressed. That is not a reason to give in and give his game back but it is worth sympathising with. Ask him why the update means so much to him. I'd have thought it would still be there to download later.

Maybe he is addicted and needs a hand out or it could be that he's being bullied through or about this game and missing a session will have consequences for him that you don't know about.

Or maybe he's just dramatic.

But don't dismiss his distress as "manipulation" and ignore him. He'll never tell you his feelings again!

Now is the time to get him into non-gaming stuff. He'll likely say no and sulk for a bit, but it's a good time to suggest board games, cards etc.

3 weeks, Jeez, you get less for murder these days. How bad was his behaviour?

Apparently the fortnite thing is a big deal. (I'm told). He prob is genuinely devastated. Mine would be. Its not great, but in my house I wouldn't be overly worried...

The fortnight update, I've got two 12 year olds talking non stop about it, one is on tech ban because of behaviour, the other isn't going to go on it either today because of homework etc.
Could it be because at school tomorrow that's going to be the main topic of conversation? Does he have trouble with peers? I get the fortnight addiction and mine have limited hours which they know that have to obey with.

I think you are BU for the three week ban!!! That will seem like a lifetime
Then again I know I am far to soft

A three week ban??? Are you nuts? Keep giving consequences like that and they will have no effect. He should be working on regulating his time online supported/coached by you.
You need to back track. Only give consequences as a last resort, enforceable and immediately felt.

Mine would be devastated too, he will miss the update and won’t be able to chat to his mates about the update.
My son would have had to do something pretty severe for a 3 week tech ban.
Even when we do ban tech, we tend to ban lengthy sessions, so he can still go on but only for 30mins.

Yes he's likely addicted and probably so are his mates. The Fortnite update is today so that will be adding to his stress. There's a big social element to gaming, playing with others, using chat apps and talking about it in school.
Did you warn him of the likely outcome of his behaviour before it came to this? Also, 3 weeks seems like a very long time but I'm a softie!

I’ve been there - and I’m still there! My ds is 15 now and he is currently on a looooooong ban. Stay strong. He is being manipulative.
Have you got other things for him to do? My son turns back to his Lego, sometimes even Hama beads, when he on a ban.

What did he do?

3 weeks is way too long.

I’ve a 12 year old and he’d be similar. For those saying get them to do non gaming stuff mine does sailing, swims with a club, Kung fu, scouts and sea cadets. It’s just a big thing for kids.

Mine rediscover lego as well!

Imo such a ban will impede on his friendships at school
. When everyone is talking about the fame he will be left out.
At 12 he really can't navigate friendships without being one of them.
Ime.

3 weeks? Harsh!!!

Three weeks is a very long time. When you say tech ban, do you mean every form of digital communication, or specifically the games console? If the former, then that's extremely harsh. My DS12 uses the various messaging platforms as the main way of staying in touch with his friends outside of school hours. Rather than a blanket and extremely lengthy ban, would it be better to address the specific behaviour issues that have led to this?

I'd give him time to come round, boredom is a very good thing as his brain will naturally look for diversion. I don't think 3 weeks is that long tbh.

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Imo such a ban will impede on his friendships at school . When everyone is talking about the fame he will be left out. At 12 he really can't navigate friendships without being one of them. Ime.

I totally agree. I'm on the other side of parenting teens, I never did the tech ban thing, I managed perfectly fine without it as a punishment and now have two lovely, well rounded grown up dc!

He's 12 not 4.
The wailing and tantrummimg needs to be totally ignored.
Limit his screen time from now on until he earns it.

3 weeks is very OTT.

YABU with a 3 week ban. You have nowhere left to go in terms of dealing with behaviours in the meantime, and he will feel he has no chance to prove himself. 3 weeks will seem like a lifetime. Deal with individual episodes as they happen. Eg a days ban - gets it back if behaviour is good during that 24 hours. Rinse and repeat. Stay firm - if a Fortnite update is in those 24 hours, tough, he knows what happens when he misbehaves. Introduce strict rules re screen time, a realistic daily amount. Help him by engaging him in other things, even if it's a lot of effort from you to start with. We allow these situations to happen because it suits us in some ways until it becomes a problem. Been there 💐

Definitely manipulation.