To think this isn't normal re DS 12

[Deereemer]

Ds got a tech ban this weekend due to unacceptable behaviour yesterday. The bam is for 3 weeks as things have been getting out of hand with how he has been, increasingly rude, shouty, downright aggressive at times.

He is in his bed crying and i mean wailing because he will miss the new fortnight update. When he stops crying he just stares at the wall and doesn't do anything at. All.

I am worried this is a sign of gaming addiction or depression, i don't know.

Any advice welcomed

@OfstedOffred

I wonder if all the people who think it's a travesty to ban a child from playing a game suitable for teens for more than 24h.... is why schools these days have so many behaviour problems

Quite possibly. It’s also why they go completely apeshit when they go to university. This thread’s a real eye opener as to why some kids’ behaviour is so appalling.

Seriously? The people who are saying the punishment is unfair of too long have clearly never dealt with a 12 year old who is being vile because of screen time over exposure. The suggestion of a 48 hour ban is laughable. In my experience and I’ve only done a 2 week ban is that for the first night you’re truly the most awful evil parent in the world who has ruined their life and they’ll lose their friends and be the pariah of the century, over the next few days they become much more pleasant and still moan a bit but the Lagos and the drawing and watching tv downstairs starts. Then they’re totally fine for the next few days. By the last few days they start begging you to shorten the punishment and you defintely refuse. We have a reasonable control on the gaming now: it’s more than I would like but the rudeness and attitude is far better because they know they don’t want another ban and they know you’ll carry through any threats

@Blossomtoes

It’s a sign of manipulative behaviour to get his own way. Ignore him, he’ll get tired of it when he sees it doesn’t work.

Agree!

The longer he wailed the more time I’d be adding onto the ban.

We took all 4 kids tech away for 3 months. Controversial group punishment. It was like getting new kids. More people should try it.

@Avocadobacardi

Seriously? The people who are saying the punishment is unfair of too long have clearly never dealt with a 12 year old who is being vile because of screen time over exposure. The suggestion of a 48 hour ban is laughable. In my experience and I’ve only done a 2 week ban is that for the first night you’re truly the most awful evil parent in the world who has ruined their life and they’ll lose their friends and be the pariah of the century, over the next few days they become much more pleasant and still moan a bit but the Lagos and the drawing and watching tv downstairs starts. Then they’re totally fine for the next few days. By the last few days they start begging you to shorten the punishment and you defintely refuse. We have a reasonable control on the gaming now: it’s more than I would like but the rudeness and attitude is far better because they know they don’t want another ban and they know you’ll carry through any threats

It’s because bullying and threatening a kid who‘a playing with an addictive toy you, the adult, bought them and then didn’t teach them how to regulate is terrible behaviour.

@Wallywobbles

We took all 4 kids tech away for 3 months. Controversial group punishment. It was like getting new kids. More people should try it.

Why did you give them it back?

Cut the wire for his games console like my mum did to my brother 20 years ago.. they’ll soon learn 😂😂

@Deereemer

He told me 'get the fuck out of his room'

Incredible that hes getting it back in 3 werks.

Feeding children addictive games makes parenting easier though doesn't it.

Well it does but good parenting means achieving a balance where you don't have to ban all tech for 3 weeks because their behaviour has deteriorated so much.

I think it's normal in that age group

3 weeks is excessive though

Tell him he can shorten the ban by 1) being kind to his family ( no shouting no swearing )
2) doing basic chores ( eg laundry/ easing up)
3) agreeing to limit his time in line to (say 1 hour on school nights)
4) giving you a written apology for his bad language

If he fails to stick to this restart the ban.

@Deereemer

He told me 'get the fuck out of his room'

Incredible that hes getting it back in 3 werks.

Feeding children addictive games makes parenting easier though doesn't it.

That’s all he did? I think your punishment is way OTT. What were you doing in his room in the first place anyway?

Thanks for all the supportive posts.

Weve done long breaks / bans before. Absolutely agree with the majority who have stuck to their guns, that is what a non gaming child looks like.

*If a woman came on here and said her partner was rude, shouty and aggressive, she'd get a resounding 'LTB'.

This is how rude, shouty and aggressive men are made, by letting rude, shouty and aggressive boys think they can behave like that with no consequences.*

Agog at the poster writing 'is that all he did?' i mean can your parenting and life standards GET any lower????

@Pumperthepumper I’m totally confused. What’s your point? I think the punishment is excellent. And when I say being vile, my interpretation is making a fuss about getting off the game and getting annoyed with friends playing it. I’ve never ever had a child telling me to F off, I doubt it would ever happen as they would never ever play the game again.

Empresscixi you are surely joking?

@Deereemer

Thanks for all the supportive posts.

Weve done long breaks / bans before. Absolutely agree with the majority who have stuck to their guns, that is what a non gaming child looks like.

*If a woman came on here and said her partner was rude, shouty and aggressive, she'd get a resounding 'LTB'.

This is how rude, shouty and aggressive men are made, by letting rude, shouty and aggressive boys think they can behave like that with no consequences.*

Agog at the poster writing 'is that all he did?' i mean can your parenting and life standards GET any lower????

Who bought him the console? Who allowed it to get to this point?

What’s your punishment?

@LouisRenault

I mean if we accidentally are rude or shout at a child or partner, we don’t get punished.

If a woman came on here and said her partner was rude, shouty and aggressive, she'd get a resounding 'LTB'.

This is how rude, shouty and aggressive men are made, by letting rude, shouty and aggressive boys think they can behave like that with no consequences.

Bullshit. You’ve never once said a rude thing ever? Or shouted at your DC? Please you’re lying.

[quote Avocadobacardi]@Pumperthepumper I’m totally confused. What’s your point? I think the punishment is excellent. And when I say being vile, my interpretation is making a fuss about getting off the game and getting annoyed with friends playing it. I’ve never ever had a child telling me to F off, I doubt it would ever happen as they would never ever play the game again.[/quote]
Why do you think punishment is excellent? It only happens after the bad behaviour, it doesn’t change the reason for that behaviour.

It’s a sign of manipulative behaviour to get his own way.

^This. I can't believe some of the responses on here tbh. That a 3 week ban is 'pure cruelty' It's just a bloody game fgs! I teach teenagers. It's only too obvious that some of them aren't used to being told no, and are accustomed to behaving and speaking to their parents (and their teachers) however the hell they like.

My ds played Fortnite when he was younger. He voluntarily stopped playing it wheh we both realised it was making him angry and a bit difficult. Reducing your son's access to this game is not cruel, it is doing him a favour.

@ColgateGirl

What a mix of opinions on this thread.

Curious, do you thinking sending the message to a teen that all they have to do is tantrum to have things their own way would help their behaviour in the future?

If he's struggling with his emotions, there are ways to help him deal with that without going back on what you've said and creating unclear boundaries and mixed messages OP.

Good luck

Well that's your opinion OP. Mine is that a ridiculous sentence has been handed down here and the lad has the right to appeal. If he was my DC I'd admit I'd been harsh and negotiate.

Thanks fairisle.
I think we can see exactly just how many parents there are who like a quiet life while allowing a child to game excessively.

That’s all he did? I think your punishment is way OTT.
What were you doing in his room in the first place anyway?

Wtaf. Yes, like I say, this kind of attitude explains a lot about the appalling behaviour in schools atm.

You clearly don’t understand the concept of punishment @Pumperthepumper.

Blimey. I don't blame you OP.

I have sons aged 16 and 17 and if they spoke to me like that they wouldn't see their Xboxes again

@Blossomtoes

You clearly don’t understand the concept of punishment *@Pumperthepumper*.

No, I understand it. I just think it doesn’t work, and is completely useless. It exists for people to throw their weight around, and nothing more. Punishments make you feel more in control, and that’s it.

I have a year 8 boy. I’ve been told to fuck off. Then I find out that something really upsetting had happened at school/with friends/with a teacher and it all falls into place and he apologises.

Three weeks is way too long for that age - agree on some steps to shorten it down to a week.