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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I owe him money?

300 replies

isaidwhatisaid · 20/03/2022 08:39

I was with my ex partner for 12yrs. When we met I owned a flat. We lived in that flat together for 5yrs. When I wanted to move I tried to buy another property with him but his credit score was low so I ended up having to buy a cheaper property myself. We lived in that new property for 6yrs before breaking up. During those years he paid me ‘half’ the bills. It was never actually half as he never had enough money because he was always getting fines and getting silly APR loans and generally mismanaging money. Asides from that, it was always me paying for holidays, restaurants etc. I paid for our IVF. Now he’s saying that I owe him money for him having contributed towards bills. AIBU by telling him to get lost?

OP posts:
LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 20/03/2022 08:41

Well if you were married you would probably have to split your assets; but if you weren’t married then legally you owe him nothing I believe.

redastherose · 20/03/2022 08:42

No YANBU. You weren't married. He would have to prove that he had paid sufficient money to have acquired an equitable interest in the property and by the sound of it he paid little more than his share of the bills he used.

Original poster
isaidwhatisaid · 20/03/2022 08:42

We were not married. Engaged for about 7yrs. I damn near bought my own engagement ring. I was young and stupid.

OP posts:
MayBMaybenot · 20/03/2022 08:44

So, he wants you to refund the "half" he contributed during your relationship. Where would he have been living if he hadn't lived with you? Wherever it was, he would have had costs to pay one way or another. Tell him to get lost.

MacaroniBaloney · 20/03/2022 08:45

When you bought the second property, in your name only?

If so, then you don't.

Whatifitallgoesright · 20/03/2022 08:47

So he's demanding that you retrospectively fund his existence? Just ignore him.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 20/03/2022 08:48

Did the bills include the mortgage?

GabriellaMontez · 20/03/2022 08:49

He thinks you owe him? He's a chancer and a cheeky fucker.

What for? Does he think he should get the gas and electric back for the years you shared? Dickhead.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 20/03/2022 08:50

Tell him he owes you rent for all the years he lived in your property.

theworldsgonefeckingmad · 20/03/2022 08:53

No you don't owe him anything, he's also skint so unlikely to pay a solicitor to try and claim anything.

Getoff · 20/03/2022 08:55

Even if the bills include the mortgage, it's extremely unlikely that the mortgage payments were more than rent would have been, so what he paid (if he did actually pay half) would have been no more than the value he received, and he should still be morally entitled to nothing.

If anyone wants a 50% share of property gains, they need to pay half the desposit and take half the risks by actually being owners. (Was recently reading of a high-rise flat owner whose 300K flat is currently "worthless" due to cladding issues.)

MoonminMummy9 · 20/03/2022 08:55

Who owns the house? Is it both in your names or yours alone?

Getoff · 20/03/2022 08:56

In fact it's likely that half the mortgage was less than half the rental value, so not only is he owed nothing, he owes her some unpaid rent, if we are going to retrospectively impose fairness.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/03/2022 08:58

What a dick. Good job you’re shot of the sponger. Just ignore him.

twominutesmore · 20/03/2022 08:58

I suppose he will try to claim that his monthly contribution for 11 years was to pay half of the mortgage, as many women are advised on here when their relationships break down but they are not on the mortgage.

But it is almost impossible to prove. I'm sure you always thought that he was paying the bills, or for the food shopping. The mortgage is in your name. He won't need to rehouse himself as a resident parent. He will get absolutely nowhere with this if he seeks legal advice.

Monty27 · 20/03/2022 09:00

OP I'm pretty sure he'd be laughed out of any court

LaWench · 20/03/2022 09:03

Sounds like he underpaid and owes you more money. What is the equivalent in rent in the area? Calculate the monthly bills for utilities and council tax and work out half. I bet he paid less than this every month, he can jog on.

inheritancetrack · 20/03/2022 09:04

Did you laugh in his face before telling him to feck off?

ZaraSizeMedium · 20/03/2022 09:05

Tell him to jog on. He’s just trying it on now that the gravy train has come to a standstill.

MushroomCow99 · 20/03/2022 09:05

Do you have children with him?

If not just laugh in his face and block. Even if he went to a solicitor he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Original poster
isaidwhatisaid · 20/03/2022 09:06

The second flat was only in my name.

Yes his ‘half’ of the bills included the mortgage.

He would either have been living with his mum if he hadn’t have been with me or living with another woman and not paying his fair way.

What gets me is I tried to help him with his stupid financial choices, I put up with so much crap. I know that’s besides the point really but I say that to say it’s not as if I treated him badly and the kicked him to the kerb. We broke up because I finally snapped when 1 month after having our second child he had taken my bank card without my consent to go to a theme park with one friend and a restaurant with another- one month after the other. That’s another long story.

I don’t know how much money he thinks I owe him. I guess he’s hoping I just come up with an amount cos he’s so lazy.

Glad we never got married and glad we never did buy a property together.

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 20/03/2022 09:07

Tell him he owes you in rent and half of everything plus child maintenance.

That should get rid of him

RantyAunty · 20/03/2022 09:09

He can fuck off.
You're well rid.

DuckyNoMates · 20/03/2022 09:10

He's being ridiculous

Allinadayswork80 · 20/03/2022 09:13

Hilarious! What a dickhead! If anything, it sounds like he would end up owing you if you were to properly work it out. He has no legal or even moral standing here, I’d just laugh at him. Even if he did, sounds like he wouldn’t have the fund or the initiative to actually do anything about it anyway. What a loser!

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