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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I owe him money?

300 replies

isaidwhatisaid · 20/03/2022 08:39

I was with my ex partner for 12yrs. When we met I owned a flat. We lived in that flat together for 5yrs. When I wanted to move I tried to buy another property with him but his credit score was low so I ended up having to buy a cheaper property myself. We lived in that new property for 6yrs before breaking up. During those years he paid me ‘half’ the bills. It was never actually half as he never had enough money because he was always getting fines and getting silly APR loans and generally mismanaging money. Asides from that, it was always me paying for holidays, restaurants etc. I paid for our IVF. Now he’s saying that I owe him money for him having contributed towards bills. AIBU by telling him to get lost?

OP posts:
BluebellsGreenbells · 20/03/2022 11:03

Yes I’m now housing his DC and not asking him for a penny by the way because I want him to use his money to get on his feet

You are now allowing him to sideline his children in favour of having a nice time with friends. You are allowing him to rob your children. Stop. Put in a claim for child maintenance.

And don’t send him figures - if he wants the money he has to do the leg work.

3Daddy31982 · 20/03/2022 11:05

He twice committed fraud - report him and change all your cards. I'd also look at your credit in case he tries taking our anything in your name

Candlecassie · 20/03/2022 11:05

@twinsetandpearl

They were together 11 years, they had kids, were engaged.....if the OP was a man she'd be called all names under the sun
Agreed. Funny old place mumsnet.
Cocomarine · 20/03/2022 11:08

@Walkingalot having to sell her home isn’t the only option though. She could remortgage. Despite the landslide voting, nothing OP has said totally rules out that he may have a legal basis for a claim.

Moral vote? 100%
Legal? MN votes are largely irrelevant.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 20/03/2022 11:08

@twinsetandpearl But this is the exact scenario that so many unmarried MNers are warned against: paying costs if living in a house that does not have their name in it with a man they are not married to. And the scenario that leaves them high and dry. Because they have no legal claim.

Presumably much of the mortgage cost was interest, not capital.

Lodgers and tenants whose payments cover the mortgage don’t get a stake!

WonderfulYou · 20/03/2022 11:09

If he paid towards the mortgage then yes you owe him money.

BanjoKnickers · 20/03/2022 11:12

[quote HomeHomeInTheRange]@twinsetandpearl But this is the exact scenario that so many unmarried MNers are warned against: paying costs if living in a house that does not have their name in it with a man they are not married to. And the scenario that leaves them high and dry. Because they have no legal claim.

Presumably much of the mortgage cost was interest, not capital.

Lodgers and tenants whose payments cover the mortgage don’t get a stake![/quote]
Decrees from Mumsnet posters do not set legal precedents!

Original poster
isaidwhatisaid · 20/03/2022 11:14

He would transfer me a certain amount monthly and I would put it towards half the bills, including the mortgage, childcare costs etc. His name has never been on any bill.

I doubted he had any legal basis so my original post was really to ask if I was being unreasonable in terms of the finances alone. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable so wanted to see what others thought. In terms of legality, I will seek legal advice to see if he could get anything legally.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 20/03/2022 11:14

[quote Cocomarine]@Walkingalot having to sell her home isn’t the only option though. She could remortgage. Despite the landslide voting, nothing OP has said totally rules out that he may have a legal basis for a claim.

Moral vote? 100%
Legal? MN votes are largely irrelevant.[/quote]
Agreed. I’ve voted YANBU. However, he could well have a claim.

Cocomarine · 20/03/2022 11:15

So did he pay half or not?

AnnesBrokenSlate · 20/03/2022 11:17

You need legal advice not support from randoms on the internet. No-one has even asked what country you live in before telling you what they think the law is Hmm that should be a sign to you that those posters aren't serious and their advice can be discarded.

As a PP said, depending on where you live and whether he paid mortgage payments, (was he on electoral register; council tax; utility bills, etc) he may have a genuine claim. You need to speak to a lawyer so you are sure of your position.

LaChanticleer · 20/03/2022 11:18

7 years of a cocklodger? You were well rid!

Just ignore him - block him if you can.

implantreplace · 20/03/2022 11:19

Sorry just to be clear

You and him don’t have any children together?

BorsetshireBanality · 20/03/2022 11:19

I would say the max owed would be half the capital sum paid off (example if had 100,000 mortgage and only £10,000 paid off so £5,000 ignoring interest) minus half the costs of buying the property (fees) then minus all the money he’s been bailed out over the years (including all the times he didn’t pay his half of bills)…leaving a minus figure he owes you!!

BanjoKnickers · 20/03/2022 11:20

On the issue of being unmarried, section 2 of the Law Reform (Miscellaneous Provisions) Act 1970 says that when a couple break off their engagement, property owned during the engagement is subject to the same rules as between husbands and wives.

chaosrabbitland · 20/03/2022 11:21

i wouldnt say you owe him anything , he cant expect to have lived with you all those years and not contributed anything , even if you had payed all the mortgage with your cash , he would then have had to pay some of the other bills , bought the food etc , , really you have carried him more than the other way around , id be ignoring this and if he persisited telling him to fuck off

Grandville · 20/03/2022 11:22

He might be entitled to something but it's unlikely you'll have go pay him off or, if you do, pay very much.

He'll have to have the wherewithal to organise court first. Then he'll have to prove what money he gave you and when. You can then counter on how much of that money went towards bills and how much would be counted against the mortgage. You might be able to exclude interest amounts before seeing how much he added to the capital.

I bet it won't be much.

Floralnomad · 20/03/2022 11:22

Don’t bother to get legal advice to see if you owe him anything , if he thinks you owe him something then he can be the one taking legal advice . What you should be doing is putting in a claim for maintenance .

BanjoKnickers · 20/03/2022 11:22

@BorsetshireBanality

I would say the max owed would be half the capital sum paid off (example if had 100,000 mortgage and only £10,000 paid off so £5,000 ignoring interest) minus half the costs of buying the property (fees) then minus all the money he’s been bailed out over the years (including all the times he didn’t pay his half of bills)…leaving a minus figure he owes you!!
If he has an equitable stake in the property you would need to bear in mind any increase in value as well.
Floralnomad · 20/03/2022 11:22
  • for the children obviously
Mummyoflittledragon · 20/03/2022 11:23

It would be useful before you get legal advice to have a cms claim or at least calculate to see how much you’re entitled to so you could factor that in along with details of half the bills, childcare costs etc.

Did this amount include food? Do you still have any bank statements? Invoices for holidays, ivf, eating out etc?

I don’t have legal experience. But I’m thinking you could pitch it as he was useless with money so he gave it to you and paid for pretty much everything with it including ivf, eating out, holidays etc but there was not enough for the mortgage, ergo no monies owed.

Was any of the fraud discussion in writing btw?

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 20/03/2022 11:26

Legally the law doesn't differentiate for people being dickheads or holidays, meals, etc, you both need legal advice.
Emotional appeals are not relevant.

ivykaty44 · 20/03/2022 11:26

Tell your ex tp take it to court if he really believes you owe him money - and as far as you're concerned, you don't, he is far to lazy and skint to employ a solicitor

Cocomarine · 20/03/2022 11:26

@BorsetshireBanality

I would say the max owed would be half the capital sum paid off (example if had 100,000 mortgage and only £10,000 paid off so £5,000 ignoring interest) minus half the costs of buying the property (fees) then minus all the money he’s been bailed out over the years (including all the times he didn’t pay his half of bills)…leaving a minus figure he owes you!!
🤣 what’s your qualification?
BanjoKnickers · 20/03/2022 11:27

You need legal advice not support from randoms on the internet.

The best advice on the thread (and all Mumsnet legal threads)! Never rely on legal advice from someone called BanjoKnickers Grin

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