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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think she’s a CF?

324 replies

tearingmyhearout242 · 18/03/2022 23:39

We are doing a housing association house swap. My house is very desirable. It’s a 15 year old house in a small cul-de-sac in a ‘naice’ village. It has its own closed off driveway, a front and back garden (huge), and we’ve got a huge shed as well. It’s a bit tatty but nothing insane. Also has 2 storage cupboards and an upstairs and downstairs bathroom, as well as a dining room. This is all relevant because when it comes to council house swapping, the other party (who we are swapping with) really has won the jackpot. The only issues are regular kitchen wear and tear (council haven’t done a new kitchen since the house was built, and have refused to help when the cheap materials were literally falling apart) and the odd chip in walls etc from where paintings have been hung up.

We are only moving because DC are now teenagers and their social life and mental health is being ruined here, as it’s miles from anywhere and there is no bus. We’re swapping our house with a town centre end-terrace. We’re sacrificing a lot (front garden, our shed that we funded, our downstairs bathroom and our own driveway) for the location.

Council did an inspection a couple of weeks ago. They said that the kitchen is unfit and they couldn’t approve the swap. I pointed out we’d been begging for new cupboards
for years and the man just shrugged his shoulders. We are desperate for the swap to not fall through and so we offered to do any work ourselves (this will be all of our savings down the shitter) but he said we’re not allowed to. He has said they will probably do the kitchens in our cul-de-sac some point later on in the year or early next year so we just have to wait. We are absolutely gutted. A friend has told us this is wrong and if we sort the kitchen ourselves to a decent standard then they will still approve it. I don’t know what to do.

And in a semi-separate issue, the woman we are swapping with has demanded we do up the entire house on our own dime. She has said she won’t pull out of the swap over the kitchen dilemma and she’s happy to wait but she seems to expect lots in return for that. She wants a new lawn, all walls stripping and painting white, and the pond filling in. Her house (the one we’re moving to) is at the moment an absolute shit-tip. The bathroom is a blue linoleum floor (like you’d see in a hospital bathroom), the doors are hanging off the hinges, wallpaper coming off the walls etc. Don’t make me start on the garden. We just need the location. We’d never make such demands of her.

AIBU to just feel so drained and angry? I want to pull out but the kids are suffering here. It’s been an absolute fucking shitshow. I’ve already dealt with abuse from this woman earlier on in the process because she heard that HS2 potentially could be built nearby and she called me a liar and said I’d deceived her by not mentioning it. I knew nothing about it. She’s acting like she’s buying our house, and she isn’t. It’s a swap, but there’s nothing fair about it.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 18/03/2022 23:42

It’s a swap, but there’s nothing fair about it.

You’re so right. I’m really sorry.

That sounds absolutely awful from the council, that they can derail your swap over something you’re not responsible for. Why would it prevent it anyway - they’ll still have the same number of tenants!

cataline · 18/03/2022 23:43

Honestly? I'd tell her and the HA to get to fuck and look for an alternative. Any alternative!

Ownedbymycats · 18/03/2022 23:45

There was a tv programme on during the week about these sort of house swaps.To be honest I thought most of the potential swappers were nightmarish. Presumably you're best to wait and try and get a better fit, this one sounds awful.

tearingmyhearout242 · 18/03/2022 23:46

@Ownedbymycats

I heard about that but couldn’t bare to watch it. This hell has been my reality for months Sad

OP posts:
tearingmyhearout242 · 18/03/2022 23:48

All of the other houses on the swap site are in terrible areas (I’m not being snobby, I know these areas, they are genuinely terrible).

Whereas the end terrace we’re after now (though it’s a shit-tip on the inside) is in a lovely street in a lovely part of the town centre.

It would have been a fair swap but she’s ruined it by wanting us to do ours up. We wouldn’t ask the same in the return and she’d refuse anyway.

OP posts:
Newjourney2894 · 18/03/2022 23:48

Hi OP! I work for a housing association and I can assure you they can still refuse the swap and it is more than likely a breach of your tenancy agreement if you do the kitchen yourself. The main reason being that they will have to rip it out if you handed in your notice and left the property otherwise they would have to accept responsibility to repair anything in the kitchen or advise any new tenant it was gifted to them on sign up.

It is one reason why they tell you to remove carpets and any other fixtures on departure otherwise they become legally responsible. This is usually different with a mutual exchange as you accept the properties how you see them so carpets etc are left in. There is no void period with a mutual exchange where a team will come in and return to HA standard.

The other party making such demands is absolutely crazy because as i say you have to accept the properties how you find them unless there are any standard repairs which require sorting by the housing provider.

tearingmyhearout242 · 18/03/2022 23:50

@Newjourney2894

Thank you. I thought as much but my friend is insisting she’s heard of somebody who did it and was fine. She must be wrong. We can’t really afford to anyway.

I feel we are being blackmailed by the other party.

OP posts:
AHungryCaterpillar · 18/03/2022 23:51

She knows you’re desperate to swap that’s why she’s making the demands

Whatinthelord · 18/03/2022 23:52

Is she likely to pull out if you refuse. I suspect not if your current house is as nice as it is. Can’t imagine there are many other house swaps available in a cul de sac with a big garden etc.

I’d call her bluff and just say no.

Newjourney2894 · 18/03/2022 23:53

As for the actual swap itself would making the current house more bearable work? Have you thought of things like right to acquire (The right to buy your house from the housing association you rent it from) on your current house as you don’t want to lose this and you might not get it on a new house if you moved? These are all factors as well that I would advise you to look at.

The tenant who is moving do they fit the bedroom entitlement fully as well because if they don’t the HA can refuse the swap because someone might end up paying bedroom tax etc on an empty bedroom so if that was the case they might refuse it

LampLighter414 · 18/03/2022 23:53

Is there nobody else looking for a swap with a town-based property?

I'd be looking for someone new, especially if you'll be waiting

tearingmyhearout242 · 18/03/2022 23:55

Yes the house truly is lovely and the holy grail of HA properties. Kitchen and diner, 2 bathrooms (tiled). And she’ll get our shed. And her own closed off driveway.

She’s already got a brilliant deal here, I cannot believe her.

OP posts:
BeanStew22 · 18/03/2022 23:56

If your house is as desirable as you say there will be others interested: try to find someone else

Newjourney2894 · 18/03/2022 23:56

Also they do references so if hers is in a bad way and any of it is of her own making then your landlord will refuse any way because they won’t want it go the same way..

NoSquirrels · 18/03/2022 23:57

She wants a new lawn, all walls stripping and painting white, and the pond filling in.

Offer to reseed the lawn (£5), buy her white paint (£20) and say a firm no to the pond.

5foot5 · 18/03/2022 23:57

Can't you just ignore her demands? Call her bluff and say take it as it is or not at all. Betshe is just trying it on

LittleOwl153 · 19/03/2022 00:00

I've never been in the situation - but my instinct would be to tell her you are not doing the work she is asking for a d she takes it as it is or not. And to keep your eye on the list. A new kitchen will make your house even more desirable of course!

Fuckitsstillraining · 19/03/2022 00:01

I'm puzzled as to how living there in what sounds like a lovely house is ruining your childrens mental health? Lots of children grow up in rural areas without buses etc. I'd reconsider the move to be honest.

PiperPosey · 19/03/2022 00:03

[quote tearingmyhearout242]@Newjourney2894

Thank you. I thought as much but my friend is insisting she’s heard of somebody who did it and was fine. She must be wrong. We can’t really afford to anyway.

I feel we are being blackmailed by the other party.[/quote]
I feel we are being blackmailed by the other party.

You absolutely are! Angry
( I can't help you because I live in USA and don't know anything about Councils or House swapping)

PiperPosey · 19/03/2022 00:06

We are only moving because DC are now teenagers and their social life and mental health is being ruined here, as it’s miles from anywhere and there is no bus.
.........................................
I wouldn't move for this reason...seriously. You love your home. Teenagers will grow up and move.
If they want to go somewhere they will figure it out...

tearingmyhearout242 · 19/03/2022 00:06

@Fuckitsstillraining

They have 0 independence. I can’t drive as I have anxiety disorder and I panic. DH drives but works full-time (in the town where their school is, where we are trying to move to). He has already had to cut his hours at work so he is around at 3 to bring them home.

They are missing out on social events with their friends. I’m finding it too rural as well tbh for myself.

OP posts:
PiperPosey · 19/03/2022 00:07

@Fuckitsstillraining

I'm puzzled as to how living there in what sounds like a lovely house is ruining your childrens mental health? Lots of children grow up in rural areas without buses etc. I'd reconsider the move to be honest.
Absolutely 100%! Cake
jytdtysrht · 19/03/2022 00:07

My good god does she want you to leave her a brick of 20 pound notes and a car in the drive as well Shock

I would absolutely not bend to her demands. This is how CF operate. Like you say, you could blast your savings doing this - and she’ll probably just demand more. Just say it’s not possible to do the lawn, walls or pond as you can’t afford it so you understand if she wants to cancel the swap because of it. I bet the CF won’t cancel it - call her bluff!

And - things happen for a reason, you don’t know what might happen in the next few months and you do not need to get fucked by a greedy bitch to move. Take the power back from this ridiculous woman.

tearingmyhearout242 · 19/03/2022 00:07

Others who moved into the cul-de-sac at the same time as us (when it was built) have also left for similar reasons.

OP posts:
PiperPosey · 19/03/2022 00:08

[quote tearingmyhearout242]@Fuckitsstillraining

They have 0 independence. I can’t drive as I have anxiety disorder and I panic. DH drives but works full-time (in the town where their school is, where we are trying to move to). He has already had to cut his hours at work so he is around at 3 to bring them home.

They are missing out on social events with their friends. I’m finding it too rural as well tbh for myself.[/quote]
I’m finding it too rural as well tbh for myself.

Now if you are doing for you also.. that's different.
How come they have 0 independence.
How old are they?