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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Live in partner expects assurance of interest in my property

331 replies

joboy2 · 18/03/2022 12:03

My recent female partner would like to move in to my property. I'm 67. She is 69. Until now, I had expected to date a partner with her own property, meaning we would live separately but regularly stay over in each others property. My partner has no property. My main worry is that I have always intended to pass my house on after my death, in its entirety, to my single mother daughter. As I understand it, if my partner moves in and contributes anything in terms of work, money, even decoration, she could, on my demise, declare a financial interest in my house, allowing her to occupy it. I have discussed this matter with her, and been blunt or rather frank and honest as to my intentions. Both she, and her friends seem appalled that I will not consider passing on an interest in my home upon my demise. I have pointed out that if the sexes were reversed, they might take a less charitable position regarding a relatively elderly male expecting an interest in his partners house, indeed they might think he was taking advantage. The upshot is, that I have insisted that some sort of legally binding document be drawn up between us stating my position quite clearly before any move by my partner. The only other options being that we break up over this issue, or we carry on as we are and she continue to live in her own rented accommodation. I wonder what other readers might think, or indeed what advice they might offer. Joboy.

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 18/03/2022 12:05

I’d want my daughter to have it too. I wouldn’t charge rent and would expect my partner to put what she used to pay in rent into a pension or investments of some sort.

Beamur · 18/03/2022 12:06

I think that you're very sensible to be clear about this beforehand.

Iwonder08 · 18/03/2022 12:06

Do you even want her to move in? If you do-absolutely insist on the paperwork. You don't own her anything and she shouldn't expect anything from you

GeneLovesJezebel · 18/03/2022 12:09

Of course you don’t want to hand over part of your child’s inheritance !
I find her request very grabby, and I’d do like you wanted and get her to have her own property.

Chasingsquirrels · 18/03/2022 12:10

Of course it is completely reasonable fir you to want to leave your property however you see fit.

How recent is this new partner and why does she want to move in?

AllOfUsAreDead · 18/03/2022 12:10

Run away from her. She is wanting to profit from someone else's hard work and is happy for your daughter to get nothing. If that's what you like out of a partner then go ahead, but expect your daughter to not speak to you again.

Degreeincodology · 18/03/2022 12:11

Golddigger alert! Why does she think she deserves your house?

Tohaveandtohold · 18/03/2022 12:12

If she moves into your house and lives rent free and only contribute towards the bill, i would expect her to be saving her rent for when and if she has to live on her own again.
In your situation, I would definitely want to pass the house to my child as well. Your partner is getting a good deal as it is, make sure you draw up your agreement and write your will stating what you want expressly before she moves in

Fatgalslim · 18/03/2022 12:12

Why can't she stay in her rented property?

NoSquirrels · 18/03/2022 12:13

Encourage her to save her rent payments that she makes now when she moves in with you. Then she’ll have savings in the event of your death.

ChiefAdjusterOfRubensShorts · 18/03/2022 12:13

I would not be letting her move in I’m afraid.

There are red flags all over this, protect yourself and your daughters inheritance!

Chloemol · 18/03/2022 12:14

You are doing the right thing, making it clear what you want to happen to your estate

And if you want to continue the relationship then I would continue to live separately

Why should she expect anything from your estate

abigailsnan · 18/03/2022 12:14

You really need to see a solicitor and have your daughter named in your will as the benefactor of your house,you & your partner can still live separately without her moving in with you.
Does she expect to inherit you house or some kind of legacy she sounds very grabbing to me be very careful your daughter may loose everything you have always wanted to leave to her or a large portion.
I would walk away and find a less mercenary partner.

drpet49 · 18/03/2022 12:15

* Run away from her. She is wanting to profit from someone else's hard work and is happy for your daughter to get nothing.*

^This. Goldigger alert

Lochroy · 18/03/2022 12:17

This feels messy. Why are you contemplating her moving in if it wasn't what you envisaged?

1000yellowdaisies · 18/03/2022 12:17

You sound like a lovely father and i think you are being very wise to think through all of this very carefully. It is absolutely right that your child inherits your property when you die over a woman you are in a new relationship with.
I suspect she and her friends actually do know that she is being cheeky and greedy but they are hoping that by acting 'appalled' you will doubt yourself - please don't.

I would suggest you speak to your partner and say you wish to remain in your own houses, as you mention with regular visits, but you don't wish for her to move it.
If that isn't good enough for her then so be it. You can't allow her demands for her comfort over rule your right to protect your daughter's financial inheritance.

EvilPea · 18/03/2022 12:18

There’s red flags everywhere, you’ve practically got bunting.

However, should you wish, you can have it drawn up so she can stay until her death but it’s still left to your daughter. Your girlfriend never owns it - so it wouldn’t be taken off her for care etc, just has a right to stay until her death. That obviously delays your daughters inheritance though.

But she doesn’t sound entirely trustworthy so I wouldn’t move her in.

1000yellowdaisies · 18/03/2022 12:19

@drpet49

* Run away from her. She is wanting to profit from someone else's hard work and is happy for your daughter to get nothing.*

^This. Goldigger alert

Yes this 100%.
NoSquirrels · 18/03/2022 12:19

You say “recent” partner.

Don’t move in together.

BattledoreAndShuttlecock · 18/03/2022 12:19

Red flags I think, but at least you're having the discussion openly - so many people just drift into cohabitation without thinking.

What's her income? Would she be losing income-related benefits if she moved in with you?

User112 · 18/03/2022 12:19

Partner? I thought you had to be married to have rights?
She is 69 and you are 67. Are you not clearly seeing the gold digger attitude? Her friends are also appalled!? The whole situation is so grabby !

User112 · 18/03/2022 12:20

Recent partner wanting your house! RUN !

NoSquirrels · 18/03/2022 12:21

@EvilPea

There’s red flags everywhere, you’ve practically got bunting.

However, should you wish, you can have it drawn up so she can stay until her death but it’s still left to your daughter. Your girlfriend never owns it - so it wouldn’t be taken off her for care etc, just has a right to stay until her death. That obviously delays your daughters inheritance though.

But she doesn’t sound entirely trustworthy so I wouldn’t move her in.

Not only does it delay her inheritance, it puts her in the position of being a landlord. That’s not something to take on lightly anyway, and with an elderly tenant and bring a single mother, I’d be very cross at my father if this was foisted on me, particularly if it wasn’t a long-term partnership.
Shiiiiiiiiiiitttt · 18/03/2022 12:22

Keep living separately. She seems a bit grabby really. I can well imagine your daughter having difficulty evicting her if you sadly died first.

ZenNudist · 18/03/2022 12:23

She will be rent free right? So just paying utilities and food. Seems like a good deal to me.

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