Live in partner expects assurance of interest in my property

[joboy2]

My recent female partner would like to move in to my property. I'm 67. She is 69. Until now, I had expected to date a partner with her own property, meaning we would live separately but regularly stay over in each others property. My partner has no property. My main worry is that I have always intended to pass my house on after my death, in its entirety, to my single mother daughter. As I understand it, if my partner moves in and contributes anything in terms of work, money, even decoration, she could, on my demise, declare a financial interest in my house, allowing her to occupy it. I have discussed this matter with her, and been blunt or rather frank and honest as to my intentions. Both she, and her friends seem appalled that I will not consider passing on an interest in my home upon my demise. I have pointed out that if the sexes were reversed, they might take a less charitable position regarding a relatively elderly male expecting an interest in his partners house, indeed they might think he was taking advantage. The upshot is, that I have insisted that some sort of legally binding document be drawn up between us stating my position quite clearly before any move by my partner. The only other options being that we break up over this issue, or we carry on as we are and she continue to live in her own rented accommodation. I wonder what other readers might think, or indeed what advice they might offer. Joboy.

To be facile but to put the friends' contribution into context, when her friends arrived, were they wearing Foxton's branded workwear and did they measure the rooms and take photographs?

This has got more red flags than a communist parade, and more gold-digging than a mine.

I doubt I would be continuing this relationship, and she certainly wouldn't be moving in without some watertight paperwork in the form of a professionally drawn up cohabitation agreement. Don't marry her under any circumstances as that will make it basically impossible to leave the whole estate to your daughter without her making a claim on it.

@joboy2

Please please see a solicitor. You can make arrangements through a will for instance a "life interest" in property and reverting to someone else on partner's death. This is not a DIY matter and you need to get [expensive?] advice!

I think you are right to discuss the issue before she moves in. So much depends on how long you have been together and why exactly she is moving in now.

Depending on how long a relationship has been in existence, I think many unmarried partners do expect to have the right to remain in the home they have been living in should the partner who owns the property die. I think this is expecially the case if you are both older and one partner may at some stage become a carer for the other. From her perspective, if she stays there with you for say the next 20 years, how reasonable would it be to expect her to move out and find another home if you die when she is in her late 80s? What if she has become your carer for the last few years of your life saving your estate care home fees? Should she then have to move out?

I think it would be a good idea to sit down and discuss these different scenarios and then draw up a legal agreement so you all know where you stand. You would need to include issues like maintenance costs etc.

I either wouldn’t have her move in. Or if she does, she saves what she would have spent on rent in the eventuality of a split or your death. And yes, drawing up a contract is a good move.

Don't get married what ever you do.

I wouldn't presume bad intent though I'd be irritated about the friends' contributions. If you don't want to proceed with cohabitation and want to continue the relationship, you could perhaps emphasise how you wouldn't want to jeopardise the security her rental arrangement provides in a new relationship and that you'd already made arrangements for your DD to own the property, 'trusts and whatnot but you can't recall the detail' - in effect the monkey on my shoulder if being direct and truthful feels too uncomfortable.

Good luck.

You really need to write a will if you want your daughter to have your house.
Name your daughter as the sole benefactor.

So you die, she gets the property and dies 2 years later and her children/relatives get your house and your own daughter gets nothing? No chance. Why is she moving in if you didn't want a live in partner?

Well this has red flags all over it. Maybe I watch too many crime documentaries, but I'd be asking some serious questions about what happened to her previous husband's.

I would leave my property to my daughter but state that my partner could live there until death. But not live else where and rent it out etc.

@Degreeincodology

Golddigger alert! Why does she think she deserves your house?

Yes. Run away. Run away now

There's a word for this when men do this OP, but it's too rude to tell a senior citizen.

Protect your property, protect your DD. You've both got houses, if she wants a meal ticket I'm sure there are other eligible 70 year olds.

@ChiefAdjusterOfRubensShorts

I would not be letting her move in I’m afraid.

There are red flags all over this, protect yourself and your daughters inheritance!

Yep. You're right to be concerned. I'd rethink the whole thing as her motives are, ahem, questionable. I especially don't like her bringing her friends views into it to pressure you further.

I think this would end up being a nightmare for your daughter in the event of you predeceasing your partner.

From her point of view, if she gives up a rental property to move in with you, and has no rights to your home, if you were to die first, she would find herself homeless, possibly at an advanced age, so I can see why she would be concerned about that and feel that it is a bad idea.

From your point of view, allowing her to move in and live with you would potentially partially or totally disinherit your daughter (even if you have a good will, your partner could always argue the will should be set aside as she is a dependant and not properly provided for).

So really, the only sensible thing to do here is to continue to live separately. I would suggest to her that your motivation is to ensure she still has her home after your death and would not be left homeless.

FWIW, those suggesting a life interest might already know what the life expectancy of a 69 year old woman is. If not, some calculators indicate c17 years. And that's an average so some will live longer. And expectancy can increase with improvements in medical treatments. That might represent several years for the DD to be responsible for maintaining a second property, especially if a subsequent new partner is moved in - The person with a life interest cannot grant a new partner ongoing occupancy rights but getting a family, potentially with children/grand children to leave after the person with the life interest passes need not be easy too.

Your 'recent' partner?

What does this mean?

Have you been dating for weeks, months, years?

It doesn't sound long if you are saying 'recent' and by the sounds of it, you aren't planning to marry her or settle down so honestly it sounds like you want two entirely different things.

She wants a settled committed housewife type civil marriage and you want an independent girlfriend/partner with their own lives and interests. Both are ok in their own right but not compatible with each other.

Both she, and her friends seem appalled that I will not consider passing on an interest in my home upon my demise. I bet they do, cfs. The difference as I see it is that if you were both working age, then you would both be working and contributing to the house. You are now both at at a stage where you are at or nearing retirement so your nest has been feathered, so to speak. She is trying to get some sort of security out of something she hasn't contributed towards. If you go ahead and let her move in then see a solicitor. Someone who knows better than me will tell you if this is right or not, but can you name your daughter as having an interest in the home?

If you want her to move in I would consult a solicitor and make it air tight your daughter inherits the house . Personally I would not let her move in , gold digger spring to mind

Why would he give her a life interest? They are not married or planning to. Right of occupation for 2 years max in the will though I would not want her to cohabit at all to ensure theses no chance of a post death claim.

She's a shameless grabby freeloader. Women like her give so many of us a bad name. Get rid.

@Zilla1

FWIW, those suggesting a life interest might already know what the life expectancy of a 69 year old woman is. If not, some calculators indicate c17 years. And that's an average so some will live longer. And expectancy can increase with improvements in medical treatments. That might represent several years for the DD to be responsible for maintaining a second property, especially if a subsequent new partner is moved in - The person with a life interest cannot grant a new partner ongoing occupancy rights but getting a family, potentially with children/grand children to leave after the person with the life interest passes need not be easy too.

I know several women going strong well into their 90s. My 2 godmothers lived to 98 and 101.

She could feasibly be there for the next 30 years. How old is DD? Late 30s?

Your approach seems sensible but I’d think a bit less of your partner and might reevaluate whether I actually wanted her to move in.

Unbelievable, what a cheek for her to expect this of you. If a man tried that one on with me he'd be shown the door. All my money is going to my son not a boyfriend.
She sounds like a sponge to me, definitely don't let her move in.

@TatianaBis indeed. Know a 99 year old. Couldn't help a 1970s game show unsuccessful contestant feeling for the OP's DD - This is the inheritance you could have received...But which you still have to pay to maintain in some jurisdictions.

I don't presume bad intent by the OP's DP but I was a little uneasy at the easy suggestions of 'life interests' by some PPs in the OP's circumstances.