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AIBU?

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Live in partner expects assurance of interest in my property

331 replies

joboy2 · 18/03/2022 12:03

My recent female partner would like to move in to my property. I'm 67. She is 69. Until now, I had expected to date a partner with her own property, meaning we would live separately but regularly stay over in each others property. My partner has no property. My main worry is that I have always intended to pass my house on after my death, in its entirety, to my single mother daughter. As I understand it, if my partner moves in and contributes anything in terms of work, money, even decoration, she could, on my demise, declare a financial interest in my house, allowing her to occupy it. I have discussed this matter with her, and been blunt or rather frank and honest as to my intentions. Both she, and her friends seem appalled that I will not consider passing on an interest in my home upon my demise. I have pointed out that if the sexes were reversed, they might take a less charitable position regarding a relatively elderly male expecting an interest in his partners house, indeed they might think he was taking advantage. The upshot is, that I have insisted that some sort of legally binding document be drawn up between us stating my position quite clearly before any move by my partner. The only other options being that we break up over this issue, or we carry on as we are and she continue to live in her own rented accommodation. I wonder what other readers might think, or indeed what advice they might offer. Joboy.

OP posts:
Xenia · 21/03/2022 16:02

It is simpler if she does not move in.

SucculentChalice · 21/03/2022 21:53

[quote PyongyangKipperbang]@SucculentChalice

No there is no proof she is a gold digger but lets look at the facts, as laid out by the OP.

Its a new relationship
She wants to move in when he wasnt anticipating this, or at least not yet
She wants a lifetime interest in his property that she has paid precisely nothing for
She expects him to leave his own daughter without her inheritance in order for the above to happen

So while it is possible that she isnt in this for what she can get, I am going with Occams Razor on this one.[/quote]
I think this is set up to make posters feel angry about the woman. But the facts aren't that detailed. We don't know how long the relationship is and the OP mentions that he had "expected to date a partner with her own property" which simply indicates that he doesn't really see any relationship as much more than FWB. But the way its written, its all about creating sympathy for the OP and his daughter.

The only difference here from the usual replies which would advise against women getting involved in this sort of dead-end relationship is the age of the parties involved.

So what do people of that age do? Never re-marry? Never move in again together? Put inheritance above relationships? (and aren't children waiting around in expectation of an inheritance routinely criticised on here anyway)?

The only conclusion I can come to is...never get involved with a man with kids or over 50! And I do own my own property, and I'd run a mile from this man.

SantinoSuarez · 12/09/2022 11:37

This reply has been deleted

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Boreded · 12/09/2022 12:18

Leave your property to your daughter with the caveat that you partner (should she become your wife) be allowed to stay in the property (rent free) until her death.

this is essentially what my nana did when leaving her house to her grandchildren, but it was her son that she made sure she was protecting.

Boreded · 12/09/2022 12:20

Oh ffs, another zombie thread was revived. Waste of time

Redqueenheart · 12/09/2022 13:00

Sounds dodgy to me, especially if you have not been together for very long...

I would tell her you have thought about it and that you have decided you want to continue to live on your own and that you will, as planned, leave the property to your daughter.

If she really cares for you she will understand.

If you had been together for years, it would make sense for the two of you to live together as you age and to speak to a solicitor to understand where you both stand but it is a red flag if you have not known her for very long.

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