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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Live in partner expects assurance of interest in my property

331 replies

joboy2 · 18/03/2022 12:03

My recent female partner would like to move in to my property. I'm 67. She is 69. Until now, I had expected to date a partner with her own property, meaning we would live separately but regularly stay over in each others property. My partner has no property. My main worry is that I have always intended to pass my house on after my death, in its entirety, to my single mother daughter. As I understand it, if my partner moves in and contributes anything in terms of work, money, even decoration, she could, on my demise, declare a financial interest in my house, allowing her to occupy it. I have discussed this matter with her, and been blunt or rather frank and honest as to my intentions. Both she, and her friends seem appalled that I will not consider passing on an interest in my home upon my demise. I have pointed out that if the sexes were reversed, they might take a less charitable position regarding a relatively elderly male expecting an interest in his partners house, indeed they might think he was taking advantage. The upshot is, that I have insisted that some sort of legally binding document be drawn up between us stating my position quite clearly before any move by my partner. The only other options being that we break up over this issue, or we carry on as we are and she continue to live in her own rented accommodation. I wonder what other readers might think, or indeed what advice they might offer. Joboy.

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 19/03/2022 08:53

@JinglingHellsBells

I really don't know why this thread is still going Hmm

The OP has posted once. And disappeared. No other posts on MN.

It's just wasting everyone's time IMO.

Not really. It's an interesting topic for discussion. We don't need the op in order to do that.
C8H10N4O2 · 19/03/2022 08:53

@Calphurnia88

Anyone, male or female, who gives up the roof over their heads to move in with a partner would be mad not to want some kind of protection in the event of their death. Since the OP thinks this its fine for her to be thrown out in this situation I'd say its just as likely this is a big red flag for the partner and she should be the one looking elsewhere as the OP plainly wants nothing more than FWB.

If sounds like it's the partner that is pushing to move in though, not the OP?

`Assuming the partner exists and if they do, that the OP has been open and honest about what they want from a relationship.

My advice to any man or woman is don't give up your own roof to move in with someone who would be happy to see you rendered homeless on their death. Its common enough in this situation for a couple to set up an agreement which protects both sides whilst still ensuring ultimately that any assets go to their own kin.

I think the OP has exactly what they wanted from this thread.

Zilla1 · 19/03/2022 09:54

Indeed. I hope at least some posters will have learned a little about the issues, the rights someone might accrue against an estate, the risks of assigning property to the next generation, the issues of someone giving up the protection of a HA rental and balancing short term and long term. The OP and the intent behind the thread doesn't determine that.

Twinkster · 19/03/2022 20:55

@Malibuismysecrethome

saraclara I completely agree with you. It’s a shame more people don’t think as we do.
I agree. Said the same further upthread.
joboy2 · 20/03/2022 19:59

Thank you everyone. Apologies for non replies, but having received 300 odd messages I do think this is far beyond my ability to respond. This is the first time I've checked in since posting. Everyone's contribution has been most helpful. I do believe that I were to predecease my new partner ,which seems likely given relative life expectancy for the two sexes, there may be conflict of interest issues regarding her occupation of the property. Much as I'd like to have a live in companion, I cannot countenance the idea that by giving a life interest to my new partner, my daughter would have to wait for anything up to twenty years to regain her inheritance. My daughter has slight learning difficulties, which mitigate against her and her daughter ever being particularly secure or well off in life. Luckily, she has a delightful big brother, who insists that he will happily forego any inheritance from me if it benefits her. He is hugely supportive of me signing over my property, in its entirety, to his wee sister. So, all in all, I've received sound advice on this forum. Again, many thanks.

OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 20/03/2022 20:30

You know what I personally would do JoBoy— If it’s something you would like to do , but feel uneasy (and I would) , i would stick £10k in a new building society book in her name that you hold - but have it on both signatures. If anything doesn’t work out she then gets this cash to help her find somewhere to rent.

TatianaBis · 20/03/2022 21:36

No worries Joboy, good luck.

Gilmorehill · 20/03/2022 21:40

Good luck with everything joboy.

saraclara · 20/03/2022 21:58

My daughter has slight learning difficulties, which mitigate against her and her daughter ever being particularly secure or well off in life. Luckily, she has a delightful big brother, who insists that he will happily forego any inheritance from me if it benefits her. He is hugely supportive of me signing over my property, in its entirety, to his wee sister. So, all in all, I've received sound advice on this forum. Again, many thanks.

That first sentence makes it very clear why the house needs protecting. And your son sounds wonderful!

I'm glad that you've found help here.

eldora · 20/03/2022 22:05

So great to read about two men, you and your son, putting a female member of the family first. I salute you.

xfgdhfgnhkk007 · 20/03/2022 23:06

Have you got a will prepared that specifies your property goes to your daughter in your death? If so this woman can't take it away from her, can she?

AcrossthePond55 · 20/03/2022 23:39

Best of luck to you Joboy. If this woman truly cares for you she will understand and be content to continue the relationship living separately. If she breaks with you because you have decided not to have her move in and give her a share of your home, then you were never on the same page to begin with.

JacquelineCarlyle · 20/03/2022 23:46

@eldora

So great to read about two men, you and your son, putting a female member of the family first. I salute you.
Me too! Well done Op.
Buttercup54321 · 20/03/2022 23:49

Gold digger. Put a stop to this now. Your daughter should have it x

SucculentChalice · 21/03/2022 00:13

@Buttercup54321

Gold digger. Put a stop to this now. Your daughter should have it x
Oh come on. There is no way of telling from the scant OP whether this woman is a golddigger. If the roles were reversed, some posters would probably be telling the woman to be glad to have a great man showing interest in her at that age.

It remains a mystery why people are pre-disposed to thinking women are guilty of all sorts of ulterior motives when its men who are by far the most likely predators and most of the highly publicised cases of older people targetting lonely widows/divorcees are men...

bembridge11 · 21/03/2022 00:28

Draw up a tenancy agreement and she can pay rent. That way it is clear that she is a lodger.
And check your will is updated to reflect your wishes.
Your new partner sounds rather grabby to be honest. I wouldnt stand for it

Booboobagins · 21/03/2022 00:59

A friend of a friend was once happily married. She net a woman, realised she was gay and left her hubby. He sold tge hiuse, tgey took 50% each. She married tgecwoman who on tge wedding day said, you sucjer I niw own half your house and Im divorcing yiu as soon s possible. Poor woman was diddled out of 00's of £'000's. The reason I tell the tale is without legal agreements about things like property, you may be forced to take the least costly versus the best decision.. Its not often paying a lawyer is the cheaper option, but this is certainly one example!

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/03/2022 01:22

@SucculentChalice

No there is no proof she is a gold digger but lets look at the facts, as laid out by the OP.

Its a new relationship
She wants to move in when he wasnt anticipating this, or at least not yet
She wants a lifetime interest in his property that she has paid precisely nothing for
She expects him to leave his own daughter without her inheritance in order for the above to happen

So while it is possible that she isnt in this for what she can get, I am going with Occams Razor on this one.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 21/03/2022 06:33

Be careful Op...i know of 2 men that have been persuaded to put there new woman on the deeds of a house they contributed nothing towards....thus leaving the kids with no inheritance.

Aishah231 · 21/03/2022 06:59

This is off point OP so sorry but please tell me your son gets something! He sounds wonderful but unless he is very wealthy getting nothing from his Dad is going to hurt however much he loves his sister.

JemimaPiddleDick · 21/03/2022 06:59

Gift your house to your daughter now on the understanding that you live there rent free for the remainder of your days

londonrach · 21/03/2022 07:09

Why she moving in. Sounds like she wants your house not you. I'd run from her.

Lalliella · 21/03/2022 07:15

You and your son sound lovely OP! How dare your partner want to take some of your daughter’s inheritance! You definitely need a legal document drawn up, if you even decide to continue this relationship. I’d be very wary of letting a recent partner move in.

Lalliella · 21/03/2022 07:23

Listen to saraclara she always give sensible advice!

RoseAndRose · 21/03/2022 07:36

@JemimaPiddleDick

Gift your house to your daughter now on the understanding that you live there rent free for the remainder of your days
Take proper legal and financial advice before doing that.

If the previous owner is not paying a reasonable market rent, then the 'gift' might be disregarded in some circumstances (such as assessment of costs or care, and for IHT)

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