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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Live in partner expects assurance of interest in my property

331 replies

joboy2 · 18/03/2022 12:03

My recent female partner would like to move in to my property. I'm 67. She is 69. Until now, I had expected to date a partner with her own property, meaning we would live separately but regularly stay over in each others property. My partner has no property. My main worry is that I have always intended to pass my house on after my death, in its entirety, to my single mother daughter. As I understand it, if my partner moves in and contributes anything in terms of work, money, even decoration, she could, on my demise, declare a financial interest in my house, allowing her to occupy it. I have discussed this matter with her, and been blunt or rather frank and honest as to my intentions. Both she, and her friends seem appalled that I will not consider passing on an interest in my home upon my demise. I have pointed out that if the sexes were reversed, they might take a less charitable position regarding a relatively elderly male expecting an interest in his partners house, indeed they might think he was taking advantage. The upshot is, that I have insisted that some sort of legally binding document be drawn up between us stating my position quite clearly before any move by my partner. The only other options being that we break up over this issue, or we carry on as we are and she continue to live in her own rented accommodation. I wonder what other readers might think, or indeed what advice they might offer. Joboy.

OP posts:
WhyIsEverythingSoHard · 18/03/2022 13:24

The problem is... THe OP's partner has already moved in hasn't she?

roadrunnerrocks · 18/03/2022 13:24

You are not being unreasonable. If I had a new partner I’d expect them to be able to look after themselves financially, and for my assets to be ringfenced for my children.

I’d make sure you saw a solicitor for advice rather than taking mumsnet advice, to ensure that there was no claim.

I’d suggest that living together you split all bills, you’d both make a saving. If she’s lucky enough to not be paying you rent, she’s still winning financially and would therefore be able to save this and invest it. So she’d still be doing very well from the situation without having an interest in the property.

But I’d really ask first, do you actually want to live with someone? Plenty of couples work well living in seperate properties and staying at each other’s as abs when it suits whilst having their own space. Don’t do it unless you actually really want this (don’t feel under pressure).

Viviennemary · 18/03/2022 13:25

You absolutely should not give this woman an interest in your property. Especially after such a very short relationship. Dont let her move in at all would be the best thing. Sounds like a bit of a gold digger to me.

WhyIsEverythingSoHard · 18/03/2022 13:26

I can only hope that the partner hasn't give up too much to move in with the OP. Otherwise, this will be a hard waking up for her.

If she has 'only' given up on a normal tenancy, not HA, then she can stil move out. Not the least because you have outlook on life that are very different.

Merrymouse · 18/03/2022 13:26

@WhyIsEverythingSoHard

The problem is... THe OP's partner has already moved in hasn't she?
No, she would like to but according to the OP could stay in her rented accommodation.
LadyinRead · 18/03/2022 13:26

Just an idea… gift your house to your daughter now, and then rent somewhere new with your new partner?

DrDetriment · 18/03/2022 13:27

Do not let her move in. My partner lost his house due to a claim from an unmarried but cohabiting partner. The law is not very fair in these cases sometimes!

WhyIsEverythingSoHard · 18/03/2022 13:27

@Viviennemary

You absolutely should not give this woman an interest in your property. Especially after such a very short relationship. Dont let her move in at all would be the best thing. Sounds like a bit of a gold digger to me.
Do you know how long the relationship is? Because the OP mentions at the same time a live in partner (so id have assume a not that short relationhsip) and 'a very recent partner'.

the OP is confusing imo.

Merrymouse · 18/03/2022 13:28

The only other options being that we break up over this issue, or we carry on as we are and she continue
to live in her own rented accommodation.

Sh05 · 18/03/2022 13:28

I would just stick to your original plan and continue to live separately.
No need for your partner to move in with you at all.
You say recent so I'd test the relationship by insisting you both stay put where you are and carry on seeing each other

Chickychickydodah · 18/03/2022 13:28

Nope 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
She’s only after your money. Run …

WhyIsEverythingSoHard · 18/03/2022 13:28

@Merrymouse the title talks about a 'live in' partner.

If that woman still has her rental, she is not living in with the OP.

WhyIsEverythingSoHard · 18/03/2022 13:29

x post @Merrymouse

so she isn't a live in partner.....

Blossomtoes · 18/03/2022 13:30

@WhyIsEverythingSoHard

The problem is... THe OP's partner has already moved in hasn't she?
No. She’d like to. I bet she would..
Merrymouse · 18/03/2022 13:31

I agree that it’s confusing, but ‘would like to move in’ implies not moved in yet.

Maybe has informally moved in but still pays rent on own property?

The OP will have to clarify.

BennyTheWonderDog · 18/03/2022 13:32

Two things to consider- whether she'd have an interest in the property under some sort of constructive trust (which you might be able to guard against to some extent by documenting the arrangement) and whether she'd have a claim against the estate under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975- I think your options are more limited here. Given that's she's already thinking about inheriting from you, I think you can expect her to pursue a claim if she can. Not my area of law and you should take legal advice.

In your shoes, I would probably not live together.

Trippingslippingx1 · 18/03/2022 13:33

Red flags everywhere from her side.
I would never ever agree to a partner moving in with me in the position you are in. I own my own property and when I bought it as a young woman the solicitor told me in no uncertain terms that a woman in my position should never allow a man to move into her property without speaking to a lawyer first.

Merrymouse · 18/03/2022 13:34

Also ‘recent’ and the nature of the OP implies there has been no formal discussion.

Perhaps unfair, but my impression is that she has just not gone home much.

Viviennemary · 18/03/2022 13:34

I take it that OP means if she became a live in partner she wants her sticky fingers on his house. Even if they do draw up an agreement imagine trying to evict her if things go pear shaped. Absolutely NO NO NO.

Bobbinatomic · 18/03/2022 13:34

I’ve got a secure tenancy and there’s no way I’d give that up without the benefit of marriage and/or an interest in a property. Your partner could simply be trying to secure her future.

Red flag that you describe her as a recent partner and it’s her that’s pushing to move in. That would be a nope from me.

SockFluffInTheBath · 18/03/2022 13:35

I don’t understand why she wants to move in at all. I’m her age and if I was single I’d rather eat my own liver than live with a man again

Grin

Apparently she doesn’t own a property of her own. Maybe her current tenancy or sofa-surfing is running out and she is looking for somewhere to move into and immediately own half of.

Trippingslippingx1 · 18/03/2022 13:36

@User112

Partner? I thought you had to be married to have rights? She is 69 and you are 67. Are you not clearly seeing the gold digger attitude? Her friends are also appalled!? The whole situation is so grabby !
Absoultely not. A few of my friends have found out the hard way. If you live with someone for two years that is the same as marriage and you are entitled to HALF of EVERYTHING in some cases. Be very careful who you live with etc.
gamerchick · 18/03/2022 13:36

You can't live together. You die she be turfed out. It'll be an unpleasant situation all round.

gamerchick · 18/03/2022 13:37

Watch out for her suddenly becoming 'homeless'

RedWingBoots · 18/03/2022 13:37

The upshot is, that I have insisted that some sort of legally binding document be drawn up between us stating my position quite clearly before any move by my partner.

Nope.

She is a gold digger

Throw her back in the sea.

I know and have known plenty of couples who have got together in their golden years. If one of them has children steps are taken to ensure that the children inherit their property. This either by continuing to live separately, or if they get married drawing up a will that gives the spouse a lifetime interest only in the property.

I suspect your female partner is aware of both of these situations and is trying it on as your relationship is newish.

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