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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Live in partner expects assurance of interest in my property

331 replies

joboy2 · 18/03/2022 12:03

My recent female partner would like to move in to my property. I'm 67. She is 69. Until now, I had expected to date a partner with her own property, meaning we would live separately but regularly stay over in each others property. My partner has no property. My main worry is that I have always intended to pass my house on after my death, in its entirety, to my single mother daughter. As I understand it, if my partner moves in and contributes anything in terms of work, money, even decoration, she could, on my demise, declare a financial interest in my house, allowing her to occupy it. I have discussed this matter with her, and been blunt or rather frank and honest as to my intentions. Both she, and her friends seem appalled that I will not consider passing on an interest in my home upon my demise. I have pointed out that if the sexes were reversed, they might take a less charitable position regarding a relatively elderly male expecting an interest in his partners house, indeed they might think he was taking advantage. The upshot is, that I have insisted that some sort of legally binding document be drawn up between us stating my position quite clearly before any move by my partner. The only other options being that we break up over this issue, or we carry on as we are and she continue to live in her own rented accommodation. I wonder what other readers might think, or indeed what advice they might offer. Joboy.

OP posts:
moose62 · 18/03/2022 12:23

I would have legal papers drawn up alright....to say that she has absolutely no rights to your property if you die before her whilst she still lives there. Your daughter is the one that should rightly benefit.

tsmainsqueeze · 18/03/2022 12:23

Recent ?
I don't think its reasonable for someone who has not been in a relationship very long to expect a financial interest in your property.
This would put me off them.
My daughter and her children would always come first in this situation.

Underfrighter · 18/03/2022 12:24

Is she in any subsidised accommodation such as council property or housing association that she would be giving up by moving in with you?

50DaysAF · 18/03/2022 12:24

It’s a recent relationship? YANBU.
Protect your estate and continue the relationship from your own homes.

boatahoy · 18/03/2022 12:25

Do not let her move in! As others have said goldigger alert 🚨 this has red flags all over it. I don't think I could trust this partner at all, if I passed away, to ensure a smooth handover of the property to my daughter. Sounds like she and her friends would make things difficult for your daughter if that were to happen.

maddy68 · 18/03/2022 12:26

I would charge her rent. Make it a rental agreement legally. Then she has no claim

M0RVEN · 18/03/2022 12:26

@Iwonder08

Do you even want her to move in? If you do-absolutely insist on the paperwork. You don't own her anything and she shouldn't expect anything from you
This.

It doesn’t sound as you and she are compatible TBH. You want a non live in relationship and she doesn’t.

However if you do want to move in together, Your expectations around your property are entirely reasonable and you are right to take legal advice. Your solicitor will be able to draw up some kind of cohabitation agreement and also to advise on what is reasonable in terms of her contributions towards shared living costs. I think it’s only fair that she split bills, council tax etc.

About your own DD who is a single parent - it’s right that you wish her to inherit your home. But you are only 67 and might expect to live another 25 years. By that time she will no longer have young children to support so she could probably do with some financial help now and not in 25 years.

If your partner moves in with you, her contribution to the bills should free up a few hundred pounds a month at least. You might want to use this to help your DD now if she’s struggling. Or spend it on holidays / days out / hobbies for yourself.

I hope you don’t think I’m rude suggesting this, I’m in a similar age group And I’m trying to help my kids out now ( in their 20s ) rather than when I die and they are in their late 40s and probably need it less.

Of course it’s always a balance with having enough to enjoy your retirement.

NoSquirrels · 18/03/2022 12:27

@Underfrighter

Is she in any subsidised accommodation such as council property or housing association that she would be giving up by moving in with you?
Also a good point from her own security point of view.
Seraphinesupport · 18/03/2022 12:28

RED FLAGS. obviously you would want your child to have the home. its not like you and this partner will be getting married and having another family.

She shouldnt be able to get her grubby hands on anything you have, i would simply state that you either break up or never live together because it does seem like she will try very hard to take everything from your child when you pass.

Ive always said to my husband that we need plans in place for our child so that no matter what happens no one else gets our money or homes when we die. None of us are to remarry etc as its not fair on our kids

MsTSwift · 18/03/2022 12:28

The concern is if she is living with you even if you will your estate to your daughter she could make a claim on the basis that you were supporting her before your death because she lived with you and have not provided for her in your will. Each case is looked at on its merits but you are right to be wary here.

HollowTalk · 18/03/2022 12:29

She's a recent partner who isn't happy at the thought of living rent-free but wants you to give her the whole house after you die, instead of leaving it to your own daughter?

Are you insane?

And judge her not only by her own actions (which are bad enough) but by the company she keeps, too.

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 18/03/2022 12:29

Until now, I had expected to date a partner with her own property, meaning we would live separately but regularly stay over in each others property.

So why has this changed just because she rents rather than owns?

HollowTalk · 18/03/2022 12:30

@timeisnotaline

I’d want my daughter to have it too. I wouldn’t charge rent and would expect my partner to put what she used to pay in rent into a pension or investments of some sort.
She's 67 - a bit late to be paying into a pension!
Zilla1 · 18/03/2022 12:33

To be charitable, she might not welcome the uncertainty of having to move out. If she is in rented then it's possible she might be giving up some form of protection if a council/HA property and she might not find another property in the same area or quickly enough. The eligibility in some circumstances might require her to be homeless to have priority.

That said, I'd straighten her friends out for a start and perhaps see this as a bullet dodged as otherwise the same issue might have arisen too late. That might include the range of unfortunate circumstances that can affect anyone of any age including relationship breakdown, death and whether you had to enter long-term care. Have a think about what would suit your circumstances but this might not be best to include cohabitation and giving someone in a relatively new relationship an interest that might be difficult to unwind.

Good luck.

3peassuit · 18/03/2022 12:33

Why can’t she keep her rental property? Red flags all over this I’m afreaid.

Zilla1 · 18/03/2022 12:34

By the way, would her friends be likely to be offended if you laugh yourself hoarse when the suggestion is discussed and they express how appalled they are?

WhyIsEverythingSoHard · 18/03/2022 12:34

There is no right nor wrong with either position imo.

You expected a relationship with total separation of income, partner with their house etc… Your dd was and stays your main priority.

She expected a relationship where more was put in common, including ensuring that she can still live in the house you would share together if you die before her. Which tbh is a pretty normal thing to check.

And then there are of course other things to look at. Is one of you in a worse health than the other? Needing some support that the other is giving etc…. Which would influence the decision too.

But basically What you are saying there is that it seems you are incompatible in your expectations. Better to know that sooner rather than later.

Crimeismymiddlename · 18/03/2022 12:34

I would re think her moving in as she has shown her true colours a bit. Of course she should have no legal right to your home. Even with a legal agreement in place she could still make a claim after you are gone that you supported her and she is entitled, or just stay put in the house making it very difficult for your daughter to move in or sell.
She can stay renting.

User112 · 18/03/2022 12:35

Your recent partner? Her friends are even discussing this? 😳

HollowTalk · 18/03/2022 12:35

@3peassuit

Why can’t she keep her rental property? Red flags all over this I’m afreaid.
Because she wants to stop paying rent, I assume.
Zilla1 · 18/03/2022 12:36

Are you clear in your jurisdiction whether she'd have a claim against your estate as a dependent who'd expect reasonable provision even if you don't assign an interest to her? As a PP has said, you might find complications are baked in for your DD anyway.

NinjaQueen · 18/03/2022 12:36

Continue to live separately.

HollowTalk · 18/03/2022 12:36

OP, does she rent privately or through the council/housing association. If the latter, I think she'd do better holding on to her place.

Does she get pension credits to help with her rent?

WhyIsEverythingSoHard · 18/03/2022 12:37

@Zilla1 I agree.
There is little info bar the very bare minimum there from the OP. Info that will let people think ‘well of course that would be a bad idea’.

But being in HA, him being in a poor health etc… all have an impact.

WhyIsEverythingSoHard · 18/03/2022 12:37

@HollowTalk or because he wants someone to help him/look after him

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