Piss taking 17 year old DSS

[Blankscreen]

DSS is 18 in May.he lives with us full time and doesn't see his mum.

He is at College and doing A-levels. He has for the last two years been 'bulking' and eating an insane amount of food. 3 massive meals plus 3 bowls of pasta and chicken and rice - all paid for by me and DH. He also take various protein powder and pre work out powders again all paid for by us. He also drinks a 4 pint bottle of whole milk a day.

He doesn't have a job and goes to college 2.5 days a week.

He is v v v lazy and I am absolutely sick of it.

DH has started a new job this week and got home very late the past three nights. Obviously not DSS fault but DSS is only too quick to accept the fruits of our labour. £220 a month allowance plus phone and gym membership paid for and £70 a week for a tutor for him.

Today I have snapped and lost my shit

His one job is to walk the dogs one day a week on a Wednesday. I get home from work at 3 pm so we said to walk them at about 11 to break the day up etc.

I ended up wfh today and the lazy sod didn't get out of bed until 11. He then fucked around making his various food for a 1.5 hrs and the said he didn't have time to walk the dogs and said they can run around the garden

I am soooo fuming with him
He is indulged and spoilt. I have said I'm not giving him any more lifts and he can do his own washing.

Dh says I'm being a bit mean re the washing. I don't think I am.

I also think the allowance should stop.

He did walk the dogs at 3 but it defeats the object.

I've told DH he can do the washing but then that has caused a row between us.

AIBU?

£220 allowance?? Did I read that right?

Stop that.

YANBU. He needs to learn a few realities.

My kids don’t have/didn’t have an ‘allowance’-whose idea was that?! I would never have started it. His allowance is more than my DD’s (of the same age) wages from her part time job. His incentive to get a job is minimal but you’ve started it, he’ll feel hard done by when you stop it.

Your problem is your DH spoiling his son, if you give a kid everything for nothing of course he’s spoilt, but he hasn’t raised himself, you and DH have. Other than the dog walking I’m not even sure what you’ve lost your shit for, what’s your DH getting home late got to do with anything? Can’t see how that causes a problem or relates to your DSS at all.

At nearly 18 he needs to do his own washing anyway. Doesn’t he mind you eating his pants? He also needs a pt job.

Why does he not have a job since his college is only part time? That's where I would be starting. Remove the allowance and have him earn his own money.

No you are not being unreasonable. My DD is similar age. She get no allowance as she is old enough to work. She pays her own phone bill. Does house chores. Looks after her younger siblings and if she wants "special" foods other than the regular shop I do she pays for it herself and has her own shelf in the fridge for it. The only thing I pay for is her bus pass as she's still doing A Levels and the occasional lift home from work when it's too dark or rainy to walk

@VaddaABeetch

At nearly 18 he needs to do his own washing anyway. Doesn’t he mind you eating his pants? He also needs a pt job.

Eating his pants? Can’t decide if that’s a strange typo or just some bizarre saying I’ve missed 😅

At 17 my older two had jobs, paid half their phone, paid their own car insurance and petrol. My 18 year old has just dropped out of sixth form. She starts her full time job in April and will be paying rent. My eldest is at uni, still working when home from uni.
Stop his allowance and gym membership, make him pay for it himself.
The amount of food I understand as we're all gym bunnies but supplements are bought by them.

£220 a month allowance plus phone and gym membership paid for and £70 a week for a tutor for him.

£220 a month!! He can pay for his own gym membership

£220 allowance  plus gym plus phone plus tutor (not sure what's that's for) and you buy his sodding protein powders along with his obscene amounts of food. You are a mug for putting up with it for so long but the fault lies with DH who is indulging a spilt and lazy teenager. Don't you be the bad guy - tell DH it's got to stop but he needs to tell DSS (& not blame you!)

I can't believe he's at college 2.5 days a week and doesn't have a job. Well actually I can - he doesn't need to you pay him a fine wage for doing fuck all. Time for a shake up @Blankscreen

£220?!? Every month? To blow on crap?

My 17yo would DIE for your DSS' sweet deal! Ours is at college 3 days a week and has a part-time job (he works more than 30 hours a week sometimes, and I wish he would cut his hours down, but he's saving for driving lessons and a car)

We pay for his phone, haircuts, gym membership and will give him cash on request for specific things, but he doesn't get an actual allowance.

£220 isn't an allowance it's a fucking wage! Too right he's taking the piss if he won't even take the dog for a walk. He needs a boot up the jacksie.

For crying out loud, why is he so cosseted? He can get a job and pay for his phone/protein powder/gym himself. He's a lazy shit.

Im going to quote the classic MN line " you don't have a DSS problem you have a DH problem ' !!

Why are you giving a adult £220 for nothing? He's an ADULT. Why isn't the lazy sod working? I wouldn't be buying his protein shakes either.

I don't know why you complained about the food. He's a young adult living under your roof and needs to eat. The amount he is eating is online with the average teenager unfortunately but at least he's eating healthy.

Yes he can do his own washing and pay for bits and pieces like protein powder out of his pocket money, that's exactly what it's for.
Some kind of incentive to get a job is what he needs but it sounds like you just don't really like your dss to be honest.

@VaddaABeetch

At nearly 18 he needs to do his own washing anyway. Doesn’t he mind you eating his pants? He also needs a pt job.

Brilliant 😂

If he is at college and doing the standard 3 A levels, then even if he is only there 3 days a week due to timetabling, he would be being expected to do significant work for the courses outside of that. Rule of thumb is at least the same time again as he spends in lessons.

However not unreasonable to say that if he doesn't do odd things for you like walk the dog, then you withdraw things from him such as lifts.

The allowance seems very high, even if it is mean to cover all clothes etc, unless he also has to pay high travel costs to college out of it.

Of course he's a spoiled entitled brat. It's your DH's problem but I would stop with the washing, lifts etc.

Ok. Thanks everyone.

I feel justified. To answer a couple of questions.

DH was wfh but his new job means that he is working long hours and not around to help with kids and dogs.

We've got a dog walker for Monday's buts she can't do Wednesdays hence asking DSS to do it.

I didn't realise that effectively eating 6 meals and drinking 4 pints of milk a day was normal.

Wow, he’s got more disposable income than a lot of working adults.

The eating huge amounts of food and consuming gallons of milk IS normal, for a very active growing teenage boy. Mine is as lean as a whippet, but I think his bloodstream must be 80% Nesquik. He eats perposterously large amounts of food and seems to need it all.

Hmmm a tough one if you can afford it why wouldn’t you spoil him? But he should be pulling his weight

'The amount he is eating is online with the average teenager unfortunately.'

No, it's not. I suspect Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson would balk at three plates of pasta/rice and chicken on top of three enormous meals. And I'm not sure he is eating particularly healthily. Four pints of whole milk a day sounds like a recipe for arteriosclerosis, to me.