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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to leave baby

190 replies

starsss · 16/03/2022 08:50

hi all,

I'm in a bit of a predicament. my partner for his 30th birthday got some tickets to see a musician he really loves in 2 and a half months. it is a festival type vibe for context and requires staying up there for the weekend as it is 3 hours away from where we live.

the problem I have is my DS will only be 7 months old and currently is exclusively breastfed. he was extremely premature (26 weeker) so I'm not sure if this is also affecting how I feel as I spent a lot of time away from him. not to mention the logistics of having to pump etc. whilst away at a festival.

my partner will be very disappointed I think though. his brother and his girlfriend have also brought tickets to go and I am a bit worried they will be annoyed with me. my partner has lots of friends who would happily go but I also worry the family member who brought the tickets will be angry because they will feel they brought them with me going in mind too. however, my partner would never have gone alone so in my head he would of always had two brought for him.

would you go?

OP posts:
Duracellbunnywannabe · 16/03/2022 08:52

No. I wouldn’t go.

Lazypuppy · 16/03/2022 08:53

Yes i would, however i started leaving my DD overnight with my mum at around 8 weeks, and by 7 months we had been away for a couple of weekends without DD. I went back to work at 9 months so had to make aure she was happy to be left with other people.

Only you can make the decision that you'll be happy with

Original poster
starsss · 16/03/2022 08:53

thank you. I still have quite a lot mentally I'm battling (diagnosed PTSD) of the whole NICU experience and I'm really not sure how that would flare being away from him

OP posts:
Sirzy · 16/03/2022 08:54

Maybe with best intentions but to buy a new mum tickets that mean an overnight away is lacking thought really.

Tell your DH to go with them and a friend and have a wonderful time!

Shoxfordian · 16/03/2022 08:55

I would go; there must be family you can leave baby with

Roselilly36 · 16/03/2022 08:56

I totally agree, I wouldn’t have left my baby overnight at that age either. You won’t enjoy it, tell him to take a mate etc.

Original poster
starsss · 16/03/2022 08:56

I think it's also the fact it is going to be a very drunken affair. again, I think after what me and DS went through when he was born I'm worried drinking would be awful for me but if I dont drink it will be shit weekend and I probably wouldnt be the best company as partner and his brother have declared how "battered" they will be

OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 16/03/2022 08:57

Nope. Not at all. I wasn't ready to leave mine until 14 months.

You will get answers on here from mums who never left their kids till they were 18 years old. To mums who went on a 2 week holiday leaving a 5 day old with a parent.

It really doesn't matter what anyone else has done. This is about when you are happy to leave your child. That is very personal and you are not wrong whatever you choose. If you are not comfortable that is fine. If you want to go also fine. Don't be pushed into it or you won't enjoy the break.

Pyri · 16/03/2022 08:57

It doesn’t really matter what anyone here thinks because it’s your baby and the way you feel about it.

Fwiw, I thought that there was no way I could leave my PFB but when the time came I absolutely loved the time without her and then was very excited to see her again. You might feel the same and I don’t think 7 months is too young.

Have you looked in to other options - ie take the baby with you and someone you trust to look after him? Or could you take the baby in a sling and use ear defenders? If it’s like a music festival that might work as you can stand further away from the stage

What does your partner want to do?

Beamur · 16/03/2022 08:57

Is there any way you could take the baby? The logistics of being away from a bf baby for a couple of days is less than ideal - for you too. You will have to express to remain comfortable. I don't think I would go in your position. I do see your dilemma though.

Original poster
starsss · 16/03/2022 08:58

@Shoxfordian

I would go; there must be family you can leave baby with
yes, his mum has offered but it's all the things I've mentioned that are really putting me off. I cant imagine trying to pump at a festival. I'm worried about my mental health, I'm on anti depressants as it is :(

I just feel very bad

OP posts:
Duracellbunnywannabe · 16/03/2022 08:59

@Shoxfordian

I would go; there must be family you can leave baby with
Message like this show a complete lack of understanding that people have different life experiences to yourself. I don’t have any one to look after my children over night as many people I know are in the same situation.

The issue is here is not if they have someone look after the baby but if OP wants to leave her young baby.

Nomaj · 16/03/2022 08:59

No I wouldn’t have gone and wouldn’t feel guilty about it either.

minniep · 16/03/2022 09:01

No in your circumstances I wouldn't go. It sounds like you really don't want to go. Don't put yourself under pressure worrying about it

HoldingTheDoor · 16/03/2022 09:03

YANBU at all. I wouldn't blame anyone for not wanting to leave their 7 month old and even less so when they've had to experience the huge trauma of having a very premature baby in NICU. I'm assuming that 7 months isn't his adjusted age so you've only had him home for 3-4 months?. That's very little time. And you've been through so much and are still dealing with the aftermath of all you and your baby have experienced.

Your wellbeing is far more important than any ticket. Your husband can take a friend or sell it if necessary. He won't be alone and he can still enjoy the festival.

Choppingonions · 16/03/2022 09:03

I don't think you should go because you don't want to and for that reason it's best for baby too. I would see it as one of the perks of being a mum; you can shrug your shoulders, say what's best for baby is your priority just now and leave the world to mutter crossly.

Original poster
starsss · 16/03/2022 09:03

I really did when we were in and out of the hospital and it was first discussed but now life has settled a bit more and we are finding our routine and I have addressed my mental health (therapy and anti depressants) I'm thinking about it realistically.

I wont be able to drink, I am suffering with PTSD, my son is breastfed with no guarantee he would take a bottle. I just am not looking forward to telling my partner although I am not sure he will be surprised. I do think he will be disappointed although tbh he would probably have a better time with his friend

OP posts:
theworstwife · 16/03/2022 09:06

No I wouldn’t have gone - don’t feel pressured by others, you are doing what you feel is the right thing for you and your still very small baby

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 16/03/2022 09:09

Don't worry about people being annoyed or angry with you. You have a very young baby who's been through a rough time, as have you. If people don't understand that you might not feel ready to party yet, then that's a real lack of empathy on their part.

I would prepare the ground and get your partner to sound out friends about going. One other option is: could you go and stay nearby with the baby and not do the festival itself but be there for some down time? If you can afford it.

Nowisthemonthofmaying · 16/03/2022 09:10

Ignore what other people have done - considering your circumstances it doesn't sound right for you at the moment and your mental health has to come first. You don't have to leave your baby until you want to.

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 16/03/2022 09:12

@Mumdiva99

Nope. Not at all. I wasn't ready to leave mine until 14 months.

You will get answers on here from mums who never left their kids till they were 18 years old. To mums who went on a 2 week holiday leaving a 5 day old with a parent.

It really doesn't matter what anyone else has done. This is about when you are happy to leave your child. That is very personal and you are not wrong whatever you choose. If you are not comfortable that is fine. If you want to go also fine. Don't be pushed into it or you won't enjoy the break.

Agree with this 👆🏻 Oh and I'm the first type of Mum 🙈 Never been away without my children.
GalactatingGoddess · 16/03/2022 09:13

Don't feel bad. You and baby come first!

If you don't feel comfortable then that's that! It's you who will have to pump or have engorged breast. Also, if you have to drink to have fun at that weekend then it doesn't sound like it'll actually be that great. Especially if BIL will be 'battered'!

I personally wasn't able to leave DD for more than 3 hours at 7 months as she breastfed loads and was a terrible weaner with many food allergies. Family would definitely have had her but I didn't want to let her be away from me overnight until she was at least a year old and eating confidently. (It took to around a year for this!) plus no way in hell would I have been pumping at a random event

Cognoscenti · 16/03/2022 09:15

It's okay not to want to leave your baby, especially so young. I still won't leave my 2 year old with anyone (exceptions being when his brother was born and when they're at nursery).

Original poster
starsss · 16/03/2022 09:16

in terms of the drinking, selfishly I'm just thinking how shit it would be for me to be with partner, Bil and his girlfriend who are all drunk and I'm sober looking for a corner to pump in :(

OP posts:
Beamur · 16/03/2022 09:16

I missed the bit about it being quite a drinking event. I wouldn't take a baby in that case.

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