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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to leave baby

190 replies

starsss · 16/03/2022 08:50

hi all,

I'm in a bit of a predicament. my partner for his 30th birthday got some tickets to see a musician he really loves in 2 and a half months. it is a festival type vibe for context and requires staying up there for the weekend as it is 3 hours away from where we live.

the problem I have is my DS will only be 7 months old and currently is exclusively breastfed. he was extremely premature (26 weeker) so I'm not sure if this is also affecting how I feel as I spent a lot of time away from him. not to mention the logistics of having to pump etc. whilst away at a festival.

my partner will be very disappointed I think though. his brother and his girlfriend have also brought tickets to go and I am a bit worried they will be annoyed with me. my partner has lots of friends who would happily go but I also worry the family member who brought the tickets will be angry because they will feel they brought them with me going in mind too. however, my partner would never have gone alone so in my head he would of always had two brought for him.

would you go?

OP posts:
gogohm · 16/03/2022 19:27

I would go, but I would have taken dd with me. She wasn't a preemie though. I did leave her overnight at 6 months and hand expressed to relieve pressure whilst I was away (dd had formula whilst she was with mum)

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 16/03/2022 19:27

Your partner is being sensible and decent. His brother isn't! Tell him you didn't realise that the present was actually something he saw as being for his benefit that he would want to only do his way! Entirely his issue to sort with his girlfriend, not your problem in any way.

Flittingaboutagain · 16/03/2022 19:29

Your brother in law is being so rude about this. His girlfriend's comfort level is none of your concern. When you arrange to go somewhere with tickets as someone going only on the basis you'll have one same sex friend it's always a risk they won't make it! Same if it's couples and one bloke ends up alone with a bunch of women. It's up to her if she doesn't go and all of this is for you partner not BIL. He's got a screw loose.

HotDogKetchup · 16/03/2022 19:33

I left my first for the evening from 3 months. My second is nearly 8m and won’t settle without me so I won’t leave him.

YoBeaches · 16/03/2022 20:15

Your BIL's problem isn't your problem so please try to not let it play on your mind. You and your DP have made the right decision for you. They can sort themselves out if girlfriend doesn't want to go then so be it and they can find someone else and have a boys weekend.

secretsqizzle · 16/03/2022 20:17

It matters not a jot what others have done . It's entirely irrelevant. I was a
'Leave and don't look back' mum as soon as I could . (8weeks) but you aren't me OP...
Whilst I enjoyed every moment of freedom you will almost certainly not.

If you cannot say you will embrace and enjoy it - then don't go.

Madmaxxy · 16/03/2022 21:18

I wouldn't go and I have an 8 month old full term baby. You have to do what feels right for you OP and not worry about anyone else. I don't understand people who can't respect an adults decision to stay with their baby.

Bananabutter · 17/03/2022 00:12

@Marvellousmadness

Go! Don't be one of "those mums "please. Nothing is more divorce inducing really. You had a baby. But you can still have a life you know. And your relationship needs it. You arenot just a mum. But also a partner. And you are you. Don't loose track of that. Its very important.
What? One of “those mums” who puts their child first? I’m quite happy being that, thank you very much, and I thankfully have a husband who not only accepts that but expects it and would be concerned if I didn’t.

I’m sorry your partner isn’t the same.

RockinHorseShit · 17/03/2022 00:23

I agree that yiu shouldn't go, I also agree that it was a daft present for you with a baby, who even if not premature would be young to leave for a lot of us, especially when BF. I really wouldn't fancy trying to express BM at a festival either, grim 🥴

RockinHorseShit · 17/03/2022 00:28

Marvellousmadness
Go! Don't be one of "those mums "please. Nothing is more divorce inducing really.
You had a baby. But you can still have a life you know. And your relationship needs it. You arenot just a mum. But also a partner. And you are you.
Don't loose track of that. Its very important.

Fuck me Shock just what the OP needs to hear, are you a man, or just there to serve them Hmm

The OP doesn't want to go, & believe it or not, especially post birth, a decent partner wouldn't dream of expecting his DP to put him first in these circumstances, they'd be supporting her to put THIER baby first

HiJenny35 · 17/03/2022 01:40

I've got a 9 year old and I still choose not to go away overnight and leave her. Couldn't care less what anyone else thinks. You be the type of mum you are comfortable to be. As for her not going because you aren't, so a grown woman can't cope without you there but a baby should, great logic, she will be fine, she's an adult, she a pick to go with her boyfriend or not go, either isn't on you.

springtimeishereagain · 17/03/2022 09:12

Yanbu at all. Only you can decide what you feel comfortable with. If you want to leave your dc, it might be best to start with a couple hours and work up from there. Especially if you're breastfeeding!

Ask your h to take a friend. Your friends should understand. There will be plenty other years to go to a festival!

Quartz2208 · 17/03/2022 09:14

You are doing the right thing - and your partner realises that. Let him handle his brother and worse case he goes with his friend

123feraverto · 17/03/2022 09:23

I wouldn't go either , the only times I've spend away from my children over night without one of us was the day our youngest was born - oldest was 3 he was already in bed and asleep.

I've left him overnight with my partner obviously , I work shifts including nights.

The baby, she's 9 months, I've never left her for longer than a trip to the shops

If you think you'll go and be thinking about the baby and not enjoying yourself Then probably better for all if someone else went

RedTangerine · 17/03/2022 09:32

I wouldn't have left my baby at that age and my baby wasn't premature or ill - you are perfectly reasonable.
Your partner's brother is being an idiot- I would try not to get involved though.

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