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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to leave baby

190 replies

starsss · 16/03/2022 08:50

hi all,

I'm in a bit of a predicament. my partner for his 30th birthday got some tickets to see a musician he really loves in 2 and a half months. it is a festival type vibe for context and requires staying up there for the weekend as it is 3 hours away from where we live.

the problem I have is my DS will only be 7 months old and currently is exclusively breastfed. he was extremely premature (26 weeker) so I'm not sure if this is also affecting how I feel as I spent a lot of time away from him. not to mention the logistics of having to pump etc. whilst away at a festival.

my partner will be very disappointed I think though. his brother and his girlfriend have also brought tickets to go and I am a bit worried they will be annoyed with me. my partner has lots of friends who would happily go but I also worry the family member who brought the tickets will be angry because they will feel they brought them with me going in mind too. however, my partner would never have gone alone so in my head he would of always had two brought for him.

would you go?

OP posts:
ShouldBeWorking23 · 16/03/2022 09:16

You feel miserable and depressed just thinking about it , there’s your answer. And if he has your best interests at heart he won’t want you upset! There are no rules about leaving babies other than what suits you and this doesn’t. Tell him to go off and enjoy himself … don’t get upset if he has an amazing drunken time … he should come back relaxed and ready to help you. Oh and no… not everyone has someone they see happy to leave a baby with

Luredbyapomegranate · 16/03/2022 09:16

You don’t have to go - you have a good reason not too.

If you like to explore going, then practice leaving the baby overnight with GPS a couple times first. A festival would be stressful as a first separation.

Original poster
starsss · 16/03/2022 09:17

I dont want to reveal who the musician is but very well known and his concerts are not quiet affairs thats for sure

OP posts:
silverpinecones · 16/03/2022 09:18

Only go if you actually feel comfortable with it. I have a 15 month old and a 4 year old and first night away from either of them was last Saturday! Though to be fair we were planning on spending the night away from the now 4 year old when she was 2 but then lockdown hit and we couldn't.

I am also bf my 15 month old, especially through the night (and co sleeping) and wasn't sure how it would go. I was v nervous. As it turned out it was fine but my boobs were v ready to see her again the next day!!

You may well surprise yourself and enjoy it but the logistics of being away from your bf baby I think get forgotten/underestimated by people sometimes! It's actually hard for both of you both physically and emotionally! But it IS possible, just depends on whether you're up for it and also if whoever is looking after them is prepared that it won't be a walk in the park. Do a your baby take a bottle at all? How much solids do they eat?

AChocolateOrangeaday · 16/03/2022 09:18

I would, but then DH and I went to the USA without DS (who was also prem 27 weeks) for 2 weeks when he was 7 months old.

That isn't important though, if you are not comfortable don't do it.

Randoms on the internet can't decide for you.

Original poster
starsss · 16/03/2022 09:18

sounds stupid but I think I needed to just be told your reasons are valid for not wanting to go as I need to build up the confidence to tell partner I don't want to go

OP posts:
MamaWhy · 16/03/2022 09:18

Id contact the venue and see if they have any places in place you would be able to express whilst there. When i exclisively pumped i only went places where i knew there would be an accessable place for me to pump

Pyri · 16/03/2022 09:19

It doesn’t sound like it’s for you then OP. If it was Ed Sheeran or something then it could be quite nice but if it’s Stormzy then probably not one to take a baby to.

Let your partner go with his brother, but I’d make sure to do something nice for the partner too so you can celebrate with him and your baby, separately

Original poster
starsss · 16/03/2022 09:19

he hasnt been weaned onto solids yet as he is only a few months corrected age and head control isnt quite there yet

OP posts:
mumof2exhausted · 16/03/2022 09:20

I wouldn’t go. I suspect some of the people who are flippantly saying just go did not exclusively breastfed. I left my 9 month old for the weekend for my sisters hen party and I spent half the time pumping as my breast as got so full and so sore.

CoalCraft · 16/03/2022 09:20

I don't think I would go in your shoes, mostly because of the fuss pumping many times a day at a festival would be.

Just explain that it isn't practical right now and send DP off with a friend.

Hm2020 · 16/03/2022 09:21

I wouldn’t have left my premature son at that age and been 3 hours away but what’s important is what your comfortable with and if you are not comfortable that’s the end of it imo.

Original poster
starsss · 16/03/2022 09:21

I wasnt going to reveal but I think it will give context.

its liam gallagher at knebworth and over 180 000 people

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 16/03/2022 09:22

@Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic
You’ve NEVER been away without your children?! His does that work?

BeeDavis · 16/03/2022 09:22

To be honest, this is one of the reasons why I chose not to breastfeed! I actually couldn’t imagine being 7 months PP and not being able to enjoy time away from my child. My little boy is 5 months old and he has slept at GPs 3/4 times! We all need that break.

DSGR · 16/03/2022 09:24

I wouldn’t go… baby is still breastfed overnight and very young. but I would make a big fuss of my boyfriend, tell him to take a friend, have a brilliant time and to send you all the pics. What does he think?

Original poster
starsss · 16/03/2022 09:25

@BeeDavis

To be honest, this is one of the reasons why I chose not to breastfeed! I actually couldn’t imagine being 7 months PP and not being able to enjoy time away from my child. My little boy is 5 months old and he has slept at GPs 3/4 times! We all need that break.
my son was really premature so I breastfed and pumped to improve his odds x
OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 16/03/2022 09:26

Some would. I wouldn't.

You have several reasons for not wanting to. Anyone who's angry about these is selfish and thoughtless. Sounds like you've been to hell and back on the last 7 months.

Be kind to yourself. Take your time recovering. Don't give any thought to people who would impose their will and wishes on you at this time. Including your partner if he falls into this category.

MrsMo21 · 16/03/2022 09:26

@starsss why can’t you just tell your DP? Is he the child’s father?
I don’t think it’s a problem at all that you don’t want to leave DS - your baby, your choice. You’ve been through hell and you’re only 7 months out the other side; that’s really not a long time at all.
Im more worried that you feel you can’t talk to the man you love (and presumably the father of said vulnerable baby) about how you feel?

Original poster
starsss · 16/03/2022 09:26

honestly, I think if he hadnt been premature and spent months in NICU it might of been a slightly different situation (although still tricky with the breastfeeding side of things) but the combination of it all is a lot

OP posts:
Original poster
starsss · 16/03/2022 09:28

I had to revive him as well a few days after he was discharged as he stopped breathing at home. yes it really has been an awful time which is why at the time of it being discussed the thought of it was appealing but now it's not :(

OP posts:
Incognito32 · 16/03/2022 09:28

@BeeDavis

To be honest, this is one of the reasons why I chose not to breastfeed! I actually couldn’t imagine being 7 months PP and not being able to enjoy time away from my child. My little boy is 5 months old and he has slept at GPs 3/4 times! We all need that break.
No we don't. My baby is 8 months and I haven't spent a night away from them. I don't BF either, i had issues with it but that's by the by - I don't need time away from them.

So please don't blanket statement your views and make them applicable to everyone.

YOU needed time away from your baby. That's fine but that doesn't mean WE all feel like that

Original poster
starsss · 16/03/2022 09:28

[quote MrsMo21]@starsss why can’t you just tell your DP? Is he the child’s father?
I don’t think it’s a problem at all that you don’t want to leave DS - your baby, your choice. You’ve been through hell and you’re only 7 months out the other side; that’s really not a long time at all.
Im more worried that you feel you can’t talk to the man you love (and presumably the father of said vulnerable baby) about how you feel?[/quote]
hmm I think he can be a little selfish at times truthfully

OP posts:
AliceW89 · 16/03/2022 09:28

No I wouldn’t have gone at 7 months PP. DC was EBF and didn’t take a bottle - both my MIL and my step mum tried a few times while I went out for a few hours and it was a bit of a sh*t show according to my DH. We were still feeding at least 5 times in the day and a few times overnight, so attempting to pump to match that would have been a nightmare. I think your DH should go with a family member. It’s a shame but that’s the realities of an EBF baby (as effectively, at 7 months they will still be nearly fully reliant on milk, if they were closer to 1 I’d risk it and hope food covered calorie intake for a weekend).

A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 · 16/03/2022 09:29

I would happily do a couple nights away (and I exclusively breastfeed) but not to a festival and not in your circumstances if you're recovering, can't drink when everyone else will be wasted, and have to pump in porterloos. I just don't think it'd be fun (for me) and I'd only want to be away from little one if it was something I'd really enjoy. A spa weekend though, yes definitely!