Best Amazon Prime Day deals: Mumsnet favourites

Best Amazon Prime Day deals:
Mumsnet favourites

Shop now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

PIL...To Think Theres No Way Back From This

142 replies

SucculentChalice · 15/03/2022 10:13

Name change to be less identifiable.

PIL have a small holiday home in a European country. They stay in it twice a year for a few weeks and its empty the rest of the year. They have no thoughts of retiring to it as they have a large house in the UK that they prefer. DH and I have stayed in it once about 10 years ago, of course we offered payment but PIL were happy a contribution for utilities. DH's other two siblings have stayed in it a few times too with some of their children, but again not all that often, albeit it more than us.

DH and I are thinking about buying a very small apartment in the same area and DH contacted PIL to ask if he could stay in it again for 10-11 days. MIL was initially enthusiastic, particularly as it sitting empty and this would mean it got checked on. She also told DH they were thinking about selling it in the future as they had lost interest in it and now preferred holidays to more exciting parts of the world rather than staying in the same place. We made plans and then she changed her mind, telling DH that she was worried that I was going to use it as a base for several months for wfh.

Where she got this idea from, I don't know. I can't wfh from overseas anyway and she knows this, and it was just such a bizarre idea that I decided to email her to reassure her that we just wanted a holiday and to look at properties around the area for sale and would maybe consider purchasing theirs but not to worry if it wasn't convenient/ready, we would just get an Air Bnb instead. No reply. She generally always replies, although I don't email her frequently, so it seems clear that this is a big issue and I've caused offence.

I'm horribly embarrassed that she thinks I'm some kind of freebie-hunter. I already have fairly low contact with PIL because they have form for being rude to me - when I was a teacher, FIL said I was "unemployed" during the school holidays and asked me if I was getting a job. When I mentioned the name of the school I attended, he asked me if it was "one of those failing schools" - its a private girls' school in London. Many similar examples. I'm from London, and PIL are from a regional city and I think their noses are a little out of joint that I come from a slightly wealthier background, hence the (not humorously said) put downs.

It would have been useful to have chatted with them about some information about the process of buying and paying property taxes in that country, but apart from that, I don't feel that I can even keep my low contact with them. What would I say at a family meal if the subject came up about our most recent holiday? They're not people you can crack a joke with. Everything is deathly serious.

PIL are in good health, definitely aren't going on holiday themselves at the same time and its not up for sale yet. We were pretty fluid with our dates when we discussed this give or take a 2 month period. Am I being unreasonable to think theres only so much dislike/negative comments towards me I can take? I think I'll never see them again now. I just wouldn't know what to say. DH asked them after my email whether they were saying it wasn't available, and they haven't even given DH an answer and seem to be ignoring him now as well, which they tend to do until an event such as a birthday comes up.

I've booked an Air BnB apartment for 2 weeks 20 miles from their holiday property so we will enjoy our holiday anyway. Its a common holiday destination so its not odd that we would want to go on holiday there.

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 28/04/2022 08:26

Hoppinggreen · 16/03/2022 08:48

@RandomBasic

Drop the rope. Any contact going forward is by their son.
I have done this MIL complains to all and sundry about how I have “torn the family apart” but all I have done is leave any arrangements to DH. It means that I have a completely clear conscience while rarely having to see them

This is very wise.
By taking this approach they have lost any argument that they may have concocted in their heads as to having some sort of grievance with you. You just don't engage with them, and if you do find yourself having to speak with them you keep it light and the topics very banal.

One other thing @SucculentChalice , you mentioned this in one of your earlier posts:
Oh they are quite demanding that DH fixes stuff for them in their house so they don't have to pay someone! We live quite far away but every time he visits them he has to fix things for them.
Just make sure that your DH doesn't go around fixing things. If things are broken, he calls the professional in and his parents pay for that service. Tell him it's about valuing his time. He can just say "Dad, I'm not spending the short time of my visit fixing your dripping tap/creaky floorboard/whatever. I've noticed that on every visit to you and Mum, you've asked me to fix things around your house. I want to spend time with you (this will absolutely flummox them completely) so I'll not be taking out the toolbelt and going around fixing things. You need to start using a local handyman instead. Wouldn't want you to become a statistic about falling off a ladder doing DIY now would we! (insert laugh here)"

LookItsMeAgain · 28/04/2022 08:28

tomatoandherbs · 28/04/2022 07:32

Last few posters…

the op made it all up

Aw shit! I hate when I've been taken in like that!

BluKorner · 28/04/2022 08:35

How can you tell (and find) other threads? I can’t see anymore from the same OP.

Squillerman · 28/04/2022 08:35

Don’t be embarrassed, you requested an entirely usual and regular thing which MIL initially had no issue with. From FIL’s prior comments regarding your job, I’d imagine he has something to do with this rather than MIL given her initial enthusiasm. At least it’s sorted now so enjoy your holiday and forget about them.

LookItsMeAgain · 28/04/2022 08:38

BluKorner · 28/04/2022 08:35

How can you tell (and find) other threads? I can’t see anymore from the same OP.

At the very top of the chat, there is a search box and if you pop the OP's name into the box, you get a number of threads that they have started.
One is called "Man I barely know behaving a bit strangely" and another is "Worried that Ex might have filmed me"

BluKorner · 28/04/2022 08:41

Gosh I even followed the man behaving strangely thread too!

tomatoandherbs · 28/04/2022 09:01

Squillerman · 28/04/2022 08:35

Don’t be embarrassed, you requested an entirely usual and regular thing which MIL initially had no issue with. From FIL’s prior comments regarding your job, I’d imagine he has something to do with this rather than MIL given her initial enthusiasm. At least it’s sorted now so enjoy your holiday and forget about them.

The OP is probably embarrassed at being outed as a poster that derives her life pleasure it would seem from making up mumsnet threads!

GettinPiggyWithIt · 28/04/2022 09:32

You’d have to be spectacularly boredddd to bother making up such rubbish

op…. I don’t think fiction is your thing

MichelleScarn · 28/04/2022 10:14

Oh bloody hell really!

rhowton · 28/04/2022 10:43

If my PIL or parents had a house in a European country, they would absolutely allow us to use it freely and without worry. We would of course ask them before using it, but it would never be an issue. I think that is weird in the first place.

UniversalAunt · 28/04/2022 11:01

Bitter sweet edge when an interesting post is revealed as fiction.
There is a pleasure in following along for the ride, but I have at times been invested in a thread or subject, contributed in good faith & been disappointed/pissed off after the reveal.

But then, none of this is real…

Viviennemary · 28/04/2022 11:34

A lot of people would rather not have other folk staying in their holiday homes even family. And you have to respect that. But they haven't been very nice at all with their comments.

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 28/04/2022 12:16

They sound absolutely ghastly OP. Good riddance. Enjoy your holiday home if you get one!

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 28/04/2022 12:17

Oh ok I see, hadn't RTFT, idiot that I am

tomatoandherbs · 28/04/2022 12:33

There’s only one “idiot” on this threaf
and it’s not you @IDidntKnowItWasAParty

L0stinCyberspace · 28/04/2022 12:41

Begrudgery is an ugly trait.

tomatoandherbs · 28/04/2022 12:43

Take it you haven’t read the full thread… or at least last dozen comments

New posts on this thread. Refresh page