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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for not choosing a flat with a garden for children

342 replies

whatsay11 · 10/03/2022 19:31

AIBU to think children do not need a garden as they grow up? My husband and I really can’t agree on such a minor issue. Bearing in mind he knows so little about raising kids anyway. e.g. he was surprised when I told him how many nappies a newborn will get through! He believes that a child needs a garden. I am 3 months’ pregnant. Both of the flats are in our budget. Sadly v expensive as we have to live in London. We are currently renting a 1 bedroom flat on the second floor of a Victorian terrace with awful upstairs neighbours, I’m worried about our baby as they have loud parties and smoke weed etc. we need to move quickly.

Flat 1 £550k
Downstairs flat in a semi-detached Victorian house. Two small double bedrooms, one bathroom with a bath, living/dining/kitchen in one room and a small garden with no grass…only stones.

Flat 2 £600k
Upstairs flat in a semi-detached Victorian house. One normal flight upstairs from the main shared front door. Split level as there is a loft conversion. Three double bedrooms, two bathrooms, separate living/dining room and kitchen.

Both properties are about a 20 minute walk away from several parks and in good school catchment areas. Thoughts?

OP posts:

Inerve · 10/03/2022 20:27

Outside space is essential, and for me a deal breaker. I don't have kids either!

Am looking for a little flat in another country and just completely dismiss some lovely old high ceilings with gorgeous windows little places if there is no balcony/terrace/patio.

With energy prices going up and up and with all the washing kids bring, even having somewhere to put a few racks up on a good day will save a fortune. Escape from the four walls is good for the soul even if it is the size of a postage stamp!

I note your current neighbours are causing you grief, what is to say that sinking half a mill on another multi flat property will not result in the same issues? In fact the neighbours might turn on you for the (normal) noise of new borns and kids stomping around.

Rent for a bit, then get a house. You have a budget and can do this if you keep looking.

FairyCakeWings · 10/03/2022 20:28

Going up and down a flight of stairs with a baby and a pram will be a nightmare when you’re doing it multiple times a day. It might just be once a day when the first baby is small so it won’t seem so bad, but by the time you have a toddler and then another baby, it will not make you happy.

1910username · 10/03/2022 20:28

I would go for the one with the outside patio too.

When you have kids, it’s not a question of just getting out the door and go to the park.

You’ll have to take stuff for them to play. Some snacks and drinks.

Think of the hassle of getting everyone ready as opposed to just opening the back door and let them out to play while you can be at home doing something useful or relax in your living room.

SW1amp · 10/03/2022 20:29

Definitely 100% the garden

For all the reasons listed above but also because garden flats are so much more desirable/recession proof/extendable/rentable

You’re getting a flat more suitable for now but also easier to rent, sell, extend if you should need to

pompomseverywhere · 10/03/2022 20:29

I couldn't parent without a garden.

Also my child couldn't be a child without a garden.

It's a big part of our identity. Outdoor time is vital for metal health for everyone in the family.

Moodycow78 · 10/03/2022 20:32

Neither works for your future needs. You'll regret not having a garden with 2/3 children I promise, 2 bedrooms isn't enough though. Can you move a bit further out?

WhoIsBernieBrown · 10/03/2022 20:33

If the bigger flat was 5 mins from a park then maybe. If you don't have a garden, you need to be very close to a park. Neither options sound right tbh.

JaninaDuszejko · 10/03/2022 20:33

Another one saying your budget is enormous, more than double the average house price in the UK. It's crazy that you are choosing between two flats that are not suitable for a family. It would buy a 5 bed detached house round here. So either you restrict your family to 1 child or you move further out of town to afford the space you need for a family.

Apandemicyousay · 10/03/2022 20:34

A flat with proper communal gardens (mansion flats) can be great. Purpose built larger flats but with a ‘private park’feel

BlanketsBanned · 10/03/2022 20:35

What areas are you looking at, youmcan get a house in se loneon/kent borders for that and less

TatianaBis · 10/03/2022 20:35

How old are you parents if you’re having you’re first baby now? If you were late 30s they could be early 70s but it’s a bit soon to be worrying about elderly emergencies no?

FangsForTheMemory · 10/03/2022 20:35

A colleague of mine moved to a house with a garden for the first time and it was a revelation to him. 'The kids just go out in the garden every evening.'

mnetting · 10/03/2022 20:35

We lived in a flat until our first born came along then moved to a house with a garden which nobody is interested in.
It's a lot of upkeep and the children never go out there.
So no they don't "need" a garden, they need to go outside but that's what parks, beaches and woods are for.

elbea · 10/03/2022 20:36

We have a small garden that get little sun, we never use it. We go for walks to the park instead!

SW1amp · 10/03/2022 20:36

@JaninaDuszejko

But the 5 bed detached house wouldn’t be near the OPs family or her DPs job

You may as well say she could buy a private island in the Pacific for the relevance to the actual situation

Geranium1984 · 10/03/2022 20:36

You'll want some outdoor space with kids. Either choose somewhere within 5 mins to a park or get a garden.

My son is 18mo and is definitely happiest being outside. We live in a central London flat with a patio garden but live on a garden square so is just across the road to a huge garden and he loves it. We are 10mins to another park and 20mins to a good playground.

We usually spend the morning in one and the afternoon in the other. You will struggle in a small flat for more than an hour or two with a toddler.

BarnacleNora · 10/03/2022 20:37

I live out in the suburbs with less to do immediately in on my doorstep so yes, garden essential for me. My two go out in all weathers and make me feel cold. Luckily because it's a secure and private garden and they're now old enough I don't have to put up with the shit weather myself and can keep an eye on them from inside the house which is brilliant. I suppose in London with lots more to do you could get away with it but you don't have a park immediately on your doorstep and really do you want to be travelling every time you fancy getting out of the house or booting your kids out for a bit if fresh air? Obviously some people don't have the choice but I think if you do then it should be seriously considered. I spent three years bidding on housing association properties and even though I was desperate to be in my own space, I very carefully considered which properties I would bid on, whether they had outside space or very close proximity to a park because I know my kids, they need exercise and fresh air daily, much like exuberant puppies and I didn't want to have to load them up in the car every day in order to achieve that

The second flat may have more space but the stairs would massively put me off, shopping to lug up just while your toddler decides they're not moving another step and need to be carried, oram that needs carrying up the stairs kr disassembling and therefore baby needs carrying (so what do you do, one trip up the stairs with baby then back down for the pram leaving the baby alone in the flat? What about when they get older and more mobile? Not just pram either, anything that requires two trips or more up the stairs to carry during the time when your baby isn't able to climb the stairs under their own steam which could be up to the first 18 months to two years if they're a slow walker)

I agree with others, I'd look further out and try and get more for your money

TatianaBis · 10/03/2022 20:37

@mnetting

We lived in a flat until our first born came along then moved to a house with a garden which nobody is interested in. It's a lot of upkeep and the children never go out there. So no they don't "need" a garden, they need to go outside but that's what parks, beaches and woods are for.

If you send them out into the garden they will go into the garden. If you put a swing, climbing frame, balls outside, they will go and play on them. You’re the one in charge not them.

WhoIsBernieBrown · 10/03/2022 20:38

Also if you want to stay there for a decade, it needs to be right and a place you can grow into. Your partner might move jobs within that time and have a totally different commute, I wouldn't necessarily plan it around commutes and jobs.

Riverlee · 10/03/2022 20:39

I’d move further out as well, and buy something more future proof. Ie. Larger flat with garden, or small house with garden.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 10/03/2022 20:39

Gawd no the extra bedroom for sure.

TatianaBis · 10/03/2022 20:39

@JaninaDuszejko

Please be realistic and have some awareness of London. Their jobs and family are here but prices are very high. The average house price in London is actually £500k.

Wedonttalkaboutrats · 10/03/2022 20:39

Neither flat is going to work for three kids.
You will have to move again within a few years.
Either plan on fewer kids or keep looking.

RestingMurderousFace · 10/03/2022 20:41

Outside space every time.

pumpkinpie01 · 10/03/2022 20:43

Are there no other options at all ? Neither sound ideal tbh

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