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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for not choosing a flat with a garden for children

342 replies

whatsay11 · 10/03/2022 19:31

AIBU to think children do not need a garden as they grow up? My husband and I really can’t agree on such a minor issue. Bearing in mind he knows so little about raising kids anyway. e.g. he was surprised when I told him how many nappies a newborn will get through! He believes that a child needs a garden. I am 3 months’ pregnant. Both of the flats are in our budget. Sadly v expensive as we have to live in London. We are currently renting a 1 bedroom flat on the second floor of a Victorian terrace with awful upstairs neighbours, I’m worried about our baby as they have loud parties and smoke weed etc. we need to move quickly.

Flat 1 £550k
Downstairs flat in a semi-detached Victorian house. Two small double bedrooms, one bathroom with a bath, living/dining/kitchen in one room and a small garden with no grass…only stones.

Flat 2 £600k
Upstairs flat in a semi-detached Victorian house. One normal flight upstairs from the main shared front door. Split level as there is a loft conversion. Three double bedrooms, two bathrooms, separate living/dining room and kitchen.

Both properties are about a 20 minute walk away from several parks and in good school catchment areas. Thoughts?

OP posts:

3xmonsters · 10/03/2022 20:12

£600000, here in North Northants that gets you 5 bed townhouse a 2 minute wLk from the station, with garden, off road parking and a huge park 10 minutes walk. Trains are 1 hour into London! On the original point though.... You absolutely need a garden imo!

Happyhappyday · 10/03/2022 20:14

We don’t have a garden but do have space outside & a roof deck, we also live 5 minutes walk from 4 different parks/playgrounds and have a much larger house than what you’re looking at. No garden is doable for us but just. I agree with PP that you need to look at a different area where you can get the space of the upstairs one with some outside space or much closer to parks.

seven201 · 10/03/2022 20:14

If I was going to be staying there for 10 years and wanted 2 or 3 kids I'd go for the bigger flat. 20 mins is quite a walk though for a park (when have no garden). I only have one 5 year old dd but she's pretty content indoors. Some kids do really thrive on being outdoors though. Personally I think you need to keep looking for somewhere else. Sorry!

mayihavesomecakeplease · 10/03/2022 20:15

I’m in a flat with stairs and was convinced it would be fine with my baby- but an unexpected difficult recovery from birth has made it so so hard, even with the lightest possible buggy (can’t use sling bc of birth injury). We’re trying to move and I am adamant we are ground floor with a garden. In London it feels really important to have some kind of Dave private space for kids I think.

Original poster

whatsay11 · 10/03/2022 20:15

Thank you all, very helpful responses and things I hadn’t even thought of before. The only house we can afford is quite a way from my elderly parents which is why we need to stay in London. We to be at least a 30 minute drive in case of emergencies. Also my partner is a shift worker and we want to limit the commute for him.

So a small garden with stones seems to still be okay? We could turf it over, I suppose.

Or plan C, we rent elsewhere and wait for a larger garden flat. Even so, I think we could rent a flat without a garden while the baby’s little.

OP posts:

Theremustbemoretome · 10/03/2022 20:15

Neither property sounds ideal for young children so I’d keep looking and not compromise on having your own outdoor space. It also doesn’t have to have grass.

The lockdowns proved how miserable it could be for many children not being able to get outside into the fresh air and run around spontaneously.

NatriumChloride · 10/03/2022 20:15

Echo majority of the previous posters. You have an impressive budget, don’t blow it on either of those two flats which both sound like massive compromises.
Look further out, go for a house with a garden. I was in a FFF with 2 small DC and it was awful. Lugging heavy shopping upstairs, the buggy, no room for outdoor toys, no paddling pool… moving to a house with garden was the best thing we ever did, my kids love spending time in the garden!

mayihavesomecakeplease · 10/03/2022 20:16

That should say “safe” not “Dave” 🙄

Georgeskitchen · 10/03/2022 20:16

Garden definitely. You can turn it into a lovely outdoor space. Being stuck upstairs with a couple of little ones is very hard work

AliceW89 · 10/03/2022 20:17

Of course DC don’t need a garden…but I would say it is highly desirable. We have a small paved yard and it’s the reason we are looking to move from our otherwise great house - we want something bigger. I couldn’t cope in spring/summer with nothing at all. Neither of your options sounds great really - obviously option 2 has more space but getting a buggy up and down stairs (along with a toddler refusing to go in it, in future…) will be difficult. Are you planning on staying in wherever you move for the foreseeable future or would they be a stopgap?

stuntbubbles · 10/03/2022 20:18

Garden garden garden. Fresh air on tap, useful for potty training, mud kitchens, planting, hours of fun activities, growing your own. We use ours daily from spring to autumn and go out in it quite a bit in winter.

On that budget I’d abandon the flat and just buy a house – friends in Catford just bought a 3-bed house with open plan downstairs and a decent garden, with parking, for £530k. Or houses near me in Sydenham are £550-600k for 3-4 bed, garden, 10 mins to park, good catchments, 10 mins to train station direct to London Bridge in 15 mins. Are you wedded to a particular location that’s limiting you to a flat?

What happens during the next pandemic/war/recession/horrible news event that sticks everyone inside for ages when you’re in a flat with DC? On your budget you have much better options.

ABitBesotted · 10/03/2022 20:19

Children generally start begging for puppies and kittens as soon as they can talk, OP.

Wilkolampshade · 10/03/2022 20:20

Downstairs everytime. You don't want to be waking a sleeping baby up banging the buggy up the stairs. You can make the garden nicer very cheaply. Lovely memories to be made sitting with your toddler on a paddling pool, watering some seedlings in pots, drawing rude words on the floor in chalk... Also much more resalable in London.

Summercally · 10/03/2022 20:21

I was in a flat with a toddler with no garden and it was really hard as my toddler loves the outdoors. I had parks nearby but sometimes it’s nice just to go in the garden rather than having to get ready to go out. In the end I moved and have a garden now.

Strawmite · 10/03/2022 20:21

I would push the limits of where you can move to and try for a bigger house. Difficult with your parents but ultimately the priority is your child to be and any future children and neither flats sounds great. We had DC1 in a first floor flat and thought it would be fine (we had a communal garden). We moved 6 months after he was born and a large part of that was the garden.

saraclara · 10/03/2022 20:22

No garden would be a deal breaker for me. Any outside space is valuable, but to be honest, despite the loud parties and weed, I'd want to hang on and find something better than either of those options. Neither of them sounds suitable for a family with two or three children.

But I'm with your DH. My friend has a second floor London flat, and no balcony. I find it miserable in good weather, even without kids featuring in my feelings. I can't imagine not having doors to throw open for kids. I know that many many families live that way, but I'm hugely grateful that I don't have to, and would move heaven and earth to avoid doing so.

needhelp34 · 10/03/2022 20:23

Honestly, neither of these flats are an option for what you plan.
I live in a two bedroom top floor flat with two children under 3 and baby no3 is due in July. We thought we’d stay in this area forever and in this flat for at least 10 years but I cannot be without a garden and I cannot live in a top floor flat anymore. The stairs stop you leaving the house. I am surrounded by parks and have the seafront 5 minutes away but I don’t get out. From experience, you do not want to live under people in a house that’s been converted into flats. The soundproofing is horrific. Our neighbours that live below us were great friends of ours but no longer speak to us because the toddlers run, jump and scream as their favoured way of expressing themselves. Having children in a flat is a totally different experience and you could afford a large house outside of London. We are now moving back to where I’m from to have a house and space. Never thought it would happen but now it is I wish we’d just done it years ago

Nogoodusername · 10/03/2022 20:23

I had a lovely two bedroom flat before DC1 and was absolutely desperate for a place with a garden by the time she was two. It makes a huge difference with little children not to be able to pack up every time you need to go outside, be able to nip back in for the toilet or drink etc. I probably use my garden way less now they are bigger (secondary and late primary), but it was a top priority when they were smaller

Lightbulbbb · 10/03/2022 20:23

@whatsay11

So a small garden with stones seems to still be okay? We could turf it over, I suppose.

Or plan C, we rent elsewhere and wait for a larger garden flat. Even so, I think we could rent a flat without a garden while the baby’s little.

What about shared ownership? Somewhere with a terrace or a balcony?

I live in London and it’s very normal for families to live in flats with no gardens. But the part of London I live in has a lot of parks very close to each other.

London gardens can be dark and small, not much better than a terrace or balcony. And flats with terraces and balconies are often cheaper!

AdrianCanChaseMe · 10/03/2022 20:24

You need a garden.

Our first house had an awful garden we couldn't use when the kids were younger. Moving into one with a nice garden has been an absolute life saver.

YABU as well if you think you know what nappies a newborn needs. Cos it's going to be about five times more than you think and in a totally different size.

3Daddy31982 · 10/03/2022 20:25

I've 3 kids. They need a garden even if tiny

AliceW89 · 10/03/2022 20:25

Oh wow ok just seen your post that you want 2-3 DC and to stay put for 10 years. I would be looking to compromise on location 100% then. Of course you could make these work, but with that budget I think you could do so much better.

rocksonrocks · 10/03/2022 20:26

Garden all day everyday!

Our upstairs neighbours have two little terrors who are so desperate for some outdoor space. They spend all day running around the flat and screaming on their balcony. I feel it’s so unfair for them and us who have to listen to it all while we WFH - kids need outdoor space!

Ddot · 10/03/2022 20:26

What if you have a boy and a girl then your buggered

Knockdown42 · 10/03/2022 20:26

What terrible housing options... move out a zone or three and you can get a house and garden. Forcing yourself to live in a flat when you clearly have the budget not too seems crazy IMO

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