for not choosing a flat with a garden for children

[whatsay11]

AIBU to think children do not need a garden as they grow up? My husband and I really can’t agree on such a minor issue. Bearing in mind he knows so little about raising kids anyway. e.g. he was surprised when I told him how many nappies a newborn will get through! He believes that a child needs a garden. I am 3 months’ pregnant. Both of the flats are in our budget. Sadly v expensive as we have to live in London. We are currently renting a 1 bedroom flat on the second floor of a Victorian terrace with awful upstairs neighbours, I’m worried about our baby as they have loud parties and smoke weed etc. we need to move quickly.

Flat 1 £550k
Downstairs flat in a semi-detached Victorian house. Two small double bedrooms, one bathroom with a bath, living/dining/kitchen in one room and a small garden with no grass…only stones.

Flat 2 £600k
Upstairs flat in a semi-detached Victorian house. One normal flight upstairs from the main shared front door. Split level as there is a loft conversion. Three double bedrooms, two bathrooms, separate living/dining room and kitchen.

Both properties are about a 20 minute walk away from several parks and in good school catchment areas. Thoughts?

TBH, I wouldn't go with either of the flats. 1 is too small with a not very nice garden and 2 has no outdoor space to let the kids get rid of their energy. They would be climbing up the walls when you want to get anything done and turn your bed into the 5 little monkeys song.

20 mins is way too far away to talk to a park. That could easily be an hour each way and then you would need to know where public toilets are and bring snacks/water/lunch/changes of clothes for just encases and it would be a long time before you can get home again.

I would go for a garden every time. With the cost of energy bills I would want somewhere to hang washing outside.

Also having outside space in hot summer weather cannot be underestimated.

Get the bigger flat

I insisted on a big garden when we moved when my eldest was 1, turned down some lovely houses with tiny gardens, and my kids rarely if ever play in our garden despite loads of outdoor toys. With the big flat they could have a playroom and you can have water tables inside, you just need a tuff tray underneath.

I do regret my insistence on a big garden when I think of some of the houses I rejected.

Well of course kids don’t need a garden I lived in a flat with 3 kids with no garden but I did hate summer when it was lovely and not having somewhere they could just easily go out and play without having to take them to the park, now I have a garden I would never give it up

Not for a baby so much but by the time they're toddling or 4+ you'll definitely love having a garden.

You are completely insane to buy a flat without a garden if you will be living in it when your kids are toddling.

And if you aren't now - you will be. It appears your husband is not the only one who knows bugger all about kids. There is nothing worse - literally nothing worse - than not being able to push your kids out of the door to play.

You need to rethink the whole thing though, and be much, much, more practical about the realities of family life. Neither of these flats is going to work with 2 kids of primary school age, never mind 3. Look at Croydon or Barking etc and find a 3 bed flat with a small but decent grassy garden.

Get your mum or a friend with kids to knock some sense into you, pronto.

Garden is a must for me. I would never buy a flat with upstairs neighbours either though, as had a very bad experience, so I wouldn’t buy either option.

I'd go for downstairs and the garden, but I'd accept only have 2 (not 3) dc.

If you absolutely have to have 3 dc, the you'll need the extra bedroom.

I don't think you need one but 20 minutes is a long walk from a park.

* Couldn’t live without my garden, especially when my kids were younger!*

^This

@BankingOnChange

Well no, technically a garden isn't essential. However it would be an absolute deal breaker for me. We have 3 dc and a mid sized garden and I can't imagine not having that space.

The dc having space to kick a ball around, bounce on a trampoline, sit in a paddling pool, enjoy a BBQ makes a huge difference and I'd rather give up one of our bedrooms than that tbh.

Yeah this exactly

I'd choose the bigger flat as long as there is a park nearby. Have you thought how you would manage the stairs with a buggy?

No way would I buy a flat without a garden. Even a little outdoor space can be a Godsend. You will not be pleased walking 20 minutes pushing a pram and a baby in a sling when it tips it down on you! It's such a huge faff.

I'd never choose somewhere without a garden. Lockdown cemented that for me.

I did 5 years in a FFF with no garden with two DC. It was really difficult, even witj parks down the road. Especially in the summer

Both sound wrong.

The stairs and a pram will be an unholy nightmare .

I'd wait and find another.

If you're planning to be in this for a decade it needs to tick boxes all round.

20 minutes walk in the rain/ wind (when uk weather does it's sudden/ not forecasted change) would be awful with a little one if you're not prepared- in a garden of any kind, you just step inside.
However stairs could cause an issue- if you have a baby that struggles to sleep believe me you'll get back from that walk and want to leave them asleep- carrying prams upstairs could be tricky. What if you have a C-section, you wouldn't be able to do this by yourself.

I'd go with a pp suggestion of moving further out too.

Neither are going to be suitable for 2 to 3 children. Can you look in a slightly cheaper area? London prices vary so much even when moving just a few streets away. If there is a popular secondary school nearby, try further away as you are years away from needing to live in the catchment area.

We had a garden and it is useful as long as you are able to overlook it easily so you can supervise without needing to be outside all the time.

But to be honest we spent a lot more time in parks.

A warm day stuck in with children- take the garden!!!

How small is small for the garden?

Tbh neither sound like very good options.

Our neighbour’s next door had the flat with no garden access and they had a child. It was so sad to be in our garden (during Covid so we couldn’t invite them over) and their child was stuck inside the flat. They moved shortly afterwards to a house…with a garden! One of their primary reasons for moving.

Ground floor with the garden every time.

I’d rather have indoor space than a tiny stoned garden.

On a sunny evening when your child is asleep you will very much be wishing for the garden

Seriously though, a garden makes life much easier in the summer with kids even if it’s tiny with no grass.

Downstairs flat with a garden.

Downstairs flat with the little garden. That will be your third room.

You don’t want to be upstairs.

1. Your children will be forever told they are making noise for downstairs when they run around.

1. Lugging buggy and baby/toddler up the stairs.

1. Children getting outside on light and air are better off. Even if tiny, child can mess around outside without 20 minute trek to the park.

1. Your husband does understand children. Not knowing how many nappies are needed is irrelevant.

1. It is terrible we have come to have this way of life.

1. Congratulations on your pregnancy.