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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for not choosing a flat with a garden for children

342 replies

whatsay11 · 10/03/2022 19:31

AIBU to think children do not need a garden as they grow up? My husband and I really can’t agree on such a minor issue. Bearing in mind he knows so little about raising kids anyway. e.g. he was surprised when I told him how many nappies a newborn will get through! He believes that a child needs a garden. I am 3 months’ pregnant. Both of the flats are in our budget. Sadly v expensive as we have to live in London. We are currently renting a 1 bedroom flat on the second floor of a Victorian terrace with awful upstairs neighbours, I’m worried about our baby as they have loud parties and smoke weed etc. we need to move quickly.

Flat 1 £550k
Downstairs flat in a semi-detached Victorian house. Two small double bedrooms, one bathroom with a bath, living/dining/kitchen in one room and a small garden with no grass…only stones.

Flat 2 £600k
Upstairs flat in a semi-detached Victorian house. One normal flight upstairs from the main shared front door. Split level as there is a loft conversion. Three double bedrooms, two bathrooms, separate living/dining room and kitchen.

Both properties are about a 20 minute walk away from several parks and in good school catchment areas. Thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
whatsay11 · 10/03/2022 19:33

We have no pets and plan hopefully to have 2-3 children. I imagine this will be our only move for a decade or so as we cannot possibly afford to move again.

OP posts:
RocketPanda · 10/03/2022 19:43

I'd go with the downstairs with garden. If you plan to have more children then lugging everything up and down a flight of stairs gets really old really quickly.

Tidlo · 10/03/2022 19:43

YABU

SeasonFinale · 10/03/2022 19:45

3 bed

Moancup · 10/03/2022 19:47

I can’t see either being flats you’d want to live in when you have 2-3 children of school age. So if you’re set on a flat, I’d prioritise a flat that works for now and has the best chance of rising in value to support your next move.

curlii103 · 10/03/2022 19:51

On the basis its not an amazing garden id get the bigger flat. You spend more time in yoyr house than in the garden

SarahWoodruff · 10/03/2022 19:51

A small garden can still be a godsend, particularly if parks and playgrounds are not round the corner. 20 minutes' walk at adult speed translates into an eternity with a 3 year old. You could have a sand and water table and a mud kitchen, and your kids would be entertained for quite long periods (at least until they're old enough for the 20 mins walk to be no issue).

BankingOnChange · 10/03/2022 19:52

Well no, technically a garden isn't essential. However it would be an absolute deal breaker for me. We have 3 dc and a mid sized garden and I can't imagine not having that space.

The dc having space to kick a ball around, bounce on a trampoline, sit in a paddling pool, enjoy a BBQ makes a huge difference and I'd rather give up one of our bedrooms than that tbh.

DisforDarkChocolate · 10/03/2022 19:52

Flat 1 every time.

Spaghag · 10/03/2022 19:53

It's not just the garden, it's the trying to get your pram up a flight of stairs without waking the baby who's just fallen asleep for the first time in hours plus your shopping....

A private garden with direct access is priceless, not so much for a baby but for a 3, 4, 5 year old. They can run in & out as much as they like in safety.

We lived in a lovely flat but moved when DS1 was about 2 for a house in a less nice area but with its own garden.

SheWoreYellow · 10/03/2022 19:54

I agree that a small garden is a life saver when they are toddlers.

But I don’t think 2-3 children in a two bedroom flat is a great long term plan either. Not three anyway.

Is there nothing in between?

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 10/03/2022 19:55

Couldn’t live without my garden, especially when my kids were younger!

teenagetantrums · 10/03/2022 19:55

I bought my kids up in a 3rd floor flat. You have to be be more organised. Take them to the park with a picnic in nice weather, lots of days out. To be honest we spent lots of time at my friend's houses with gardens in the summer. It's definitely doable. Just a pain when they are older and you have to carry bikes up and downstairs. If you determined to have one of the flats l would take the bigger one. Space inside is better than a tiny stone filled garden

RandomQuest · 10/03/2022 19:55

We live in London too but have a small patio garden, too small to really play in, although the kids do some colouring with sidewalk chalk occasionally and we squeeze in a water table for summer. I definitely don’t think you need a garden, we’ve never had a proper one, and genuinely don’t miss it but 20 minutes walk from a park would be way too far for me. And 20 minutes at your walking speed is likely 30+ minutes at toddler speed. We’re so happy with our set up because we have green spaces and playgrounds very close by.

Tidlo · 10/03/2022 19:56

Just move further out in London. For £600k you could still get a 3 bed do-er upper house with 60 foot in zone 4 south east London. Further out zone 5-6 get the same and only redecoration needed. You are being very naive about what is to come.

CottonSock · 10/03/2022 19:57

The garden and stairs are both biggies with babies and kids.

BulletTrain · 10/03/2022 19:57

Garden, mainly for drying endless loads of kids clothes outside!

RandomMess · 10/03/2022 19:57

Find a different flat nearer to a park/playground.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 10/03/2022 19:57

I dont think either of those flats sound ideal tbh but i cant imagine being without our garden, my 3 are out there all the time in all weathers.

jmh740 · 10/03/2022 19:57

Flat 1 you can't underestimate how difficult it will be getting up and down steps with a pram, 20 min walk with a toddler will be about double that, to me outside space is important, if you have more than one child they can share a bedroom.

RandomMess · 10/03/2022 19:58

I'm also thinking about an upstairs flat with DC in a heatwave as well as carrying pram up and downstairs. Best avoided if possible!!

Sunshinedreaming2022 · 10/03/2022 19:58

Flat 1. Downstairs with a garden would be the winner. You don’t need a third bedroom any time soon.

Although you could also buy a large 5 bed detached house and just commute to London? Is there a reason you have to stay?

sqirrelfriends · 10/03/2022 19:58

A garden is essential imo, even a small one.

Also do you want to lug stuff up a flight of stairs with a baby in tow? Not awful, but inconvenient.

Franca123 · 10/03/2022 19:58

Having seen friends get trapped in a small two bedroom flat London, neither. They over paid for a leasehold and had two kids and couldn't sell. Hellish. Take the inevitable plunge and go straight to the 3 bed house in a different area now.

Lightbulbbb · 10/03/2022 19:59

In England, you only use your garden for a few months of the year anyway. I’m not especially bothered about a garden in London. But the local park is literally over the road from where I live.

Can you choose a gardenless flat closer to a park?