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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to go to the sham wedding?

202 replies

fedoratheexplorer0 · 08/03/2022 20:24

Dh's childhood friend David is getting married this autumn to the mother of his children Laura (not their real names). I have met David only once and Laura not at all.

We received a save the date card a few days ago and I told Dh I won't be going due to the fact their whole relationship seems like a joke.

David and Laura have been on and off again for the last 14 years.
They get together and a short while later he leaves her for another woman he has met and when that goes tits up (as it always has) he goes running back to Laura and she takes him back every time. This has been going on for years now.

Last year he married another woman he had known for only 4 months. It was a very small wedding with only around 8 guests so we weren't invited (thankfully). The marriage lasted less than 6 months due to an affair and when they separated he again ran back to Laura. He has been back with her around 18 months now and although he is a prolific cheat he hasn't actually left her for someone else (as of yet).

Dh is very annoyed at me for saying I don't want to go because it's his childhood friend and he says we have to.
My argument is, Dh goes for months at a time without hearing from this friend and the wedding is a joke and won't last so what's the point?
David has never managed to keep it in his pants and he won't start the day they exchange rings.

So in your opinion Aibu? Should I just go for my Dh?

OP posts:
HotSauceCommittee · 08/03/2022 20:26

No. Your DH has very poor taste in friends. Why should you have to suffer it?

sadpapercourtesan · 08/03/2022 20:27

Hmm. How far away is it, and what sort of food will they be having?

But seriously. No I wouldn't go and celebrate another woman yoking herself to a useless sexually incontinent sack of shit. I'd think less of DH if he wanted to go tbh.

HaggisBurger · 08/03/2022 20:28

I’d swerve it and say DH can go on his own. Sounds grim.

WomanStanleyWoman · 08/03/2022 20:28

Is it worth making a one-woman protest about? They’re not going to change their minds because you don’t attend. Your husband will probably just say you’re ill.

Acheyknees · 08/03/2022 20:29

Tell David you can't make this one but wl make an effort to attend the next

Shoxfordian · 08/03/2022 20:29

It’ll still be fun- who made you the relationship police anyway?

Spaghag · 08/03/2022 20:31

Poor Laura.

Orchidsonthetable · 08/03/2022 20:31

Meh, bit judgey for my liking op. I’d go.

LovedayCL · 08/03/2022 20:31

@Shoxfordian

It’ll still be fun- who made you the relationship police anyway?
I don’t see it as the relationship police, more the police of who’s wedding she chooses to go to. Which seems fair.
Spaghag · 08/03/2022 20:32

@Acheyknees

Tell David you can't make this one but wl make an effort to attend the next
GrinGrin
CowsAreNotGreen · 08/03/2022 20:32

Presumably it will be legal? If your DH wants to go I'd go with him for something to do. Don't bother spending loads.

Wednesdayafternoon · 08/03/2022 20:33

You would be going to support your husband not the couple.
You might not agree with their friendship or understand it but it obviously means something to him for him to want to go and ask you to go.
I am sorry OP but I do think you're BU and I personally would go... even with gritted teeth.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 08/03/2022 20:34

Marriage will give her as the mother of his children some legal protection that it is hard to gain in other ways unless she is the main wage earner or due a large inheritance. From a purely practical, legal perspective marriage might have some benefits for her. I am not sure if I would want to go the the wedding, but if you do then you can view it as her getting the legal recognition she needs.

ImInStealthMode · 08/03/2022 20:34

The time scale since his last wedding seems quite short; if he married in 2021 is he even divorced to marry Laura?? Don't you need to be married a year before you can even start the process of divorce?

nitsandwormsdodger · 08/03/2022 20:35

There are a few weddings I’ve gone to that haven’t been successful
I don’t accept invitations based on how successful or judgey I feel about the couple
Remember billy idol wrote a piss take song “ nice day for a white wedding” written as a judgey brother about his sisters young pregnant wedding....20 years later he was on his third and his sister was still loved up

ImAvingOops · 08/03/2022 20:35

His behaviour makes a mockery of marriage. You don't have to endorse that by listening to him make promises he clearly has no intention of keeping.
Weddings are time consuming and expensive. Why waste either your time or your money.

Hiphopboppertybop99 · 08/03/2022 20:39

Why does your DH want to go so badly seeing as though this is his friends second wedding in as many years?
I certainly wouldn't be going if it was going to cost me ££s but if it was local and not really an inconvenience, or I had nothing better planned then I'd go with DH.

somegirlontheinter · 08/03/2022 20:39

Yanbu!!

DrSbaitso · 08/03/2022 20:42

You're not going to affect the outcome, except perhaps by making it worse. Just go and enjoy the free food.

Totalwasteofpaper · 08/03/2022 20:43

Taking it totally at face value and assuming she isn't equally awful to him. No I would not go.

And I would be questioning why:
A. Your dh wants to stay friends with this guy?
B. You married a guy that thinks this is okay!?

Georgeskitchen · 08/03/2022 20:46

How's he managed to get divorced so quickly? Is he actually divorced?

Crankley · 08/03/2022 20:50

I'm sure they will be devastated. Hmm

bluepeacock · 08/03/2022 20:51

My first response is to say yes, I would go bc I love weddings and haven't been to one for years! Any excuse for a knees-up.

However I have to agree with pp's- I'd be seriously questioning why my dh would be friends with such a scumbag? Just because they grew up together doesn't mean he has to stay in touch wi5 this loser - I know I couldn't be friendly with someone who treated their partner so poorly and I'd be wondering about my dh's personal boundaries if he maintained a friendship with someone as low as this.
IMO being friends with someone who does stuff like this is condoning their behaviour.

godmum56 · 08/03/2022 20:53

well your DH is wrong, you don't HAVE to go. But you aren't the relationship police or Laura's guard. Is there any kind f back story here? is Dave a bad influence? Do you fear for your own relationship? had Dave tried to cop a feel from you or otherwise behave badly? Will going to the wedding cost you money you can't afford? I mean if its a huge deal/hill to die on then put your foot down, but if its just a nuisance and your husband would do similar for you then go.

bluepeacock · 08/03/2022 20:53

Remember billy idol wrote a piss take song “ nice day for a white wedding” written as a judgey brother about his sisters young pregnant wedding....20 years later he was on his third and his sister was still loved up

I did not know that! I love that song.