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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to go to the sham wedding?

202 replies

fedoratheexplorer0 · 08/03/2022 20:24

Dh's childhood friend David is getting married this autumn to the mother of his children Laura (not their real names). I have met David only once and Laura not at all.

We received a save the date card a few days ago and I told Dh I won't be going due to the fact their whole relationship seems like a joke.

David and Laura have been on and off again for the last 14 years.
They get together and a short while later he leaves her for another woman he has met and when that goes tits up (as it always has) he goes running back to Laura and she takes him back every time. This has been going on for years now.

Last year he married another woman he had known for only 4 months. It was a very small wedding with only around 8 guests so we weren't invited (thankfully). The marriage lasted less than 6 months due to an affair and when they separated he again ran back to Laura. He has been back with her around 18 months now and although he is a prolific cheat he hasn't actually left her for someone else (as of yet).

Dh is very annoyed at me for saying I don't want to go because it's his childhood friend and he says we have to.
My argument is, Dh goes for months at a time without hearing from this friend and the wedding is a joke and won't last so what's the point?
David has never managed to keep it in his pants and he won't start the day they exchange rings.

So in your opinion Aibu? Should I just go for my Dh?

OP posts:
swimlyn · 09/03/2022 00:32

Dh is very annoyed at me for saying I don't want to go because it's his childhood childish friend and he says we have to.

LOL. Corrected that for you…

Icehole · 09/03/2022 06:34

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Icehole · 09/03/2022 06:35

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Icehole · 09/03/2022 06:38

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Icehole · 09/03/2022 06:40

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Icehole · 09/03/2022 06:42

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Icehole · 09/03/2022 06:44

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hashbrownsandwich · 09/03/2022 06:46

We hhad a similar situation involving a very close family member being like David. We didn't go. Got almighty backlash from rest of the family but we just couldn't support making a mockery of marriage.

Icehole · 09/03/2022 06:51

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SleeplessInEngland · 09/03/2022 06:51

Meh, if it’s not too far then why not just enjoy the party. They’re both consenting adults.

girlmom21 · 09/03/2022 06:55

I'd say there's a good chance DH wants you there so he has a good excuse not to have a massive piss up with the rugby team to be honest.

RandomBasic · 09/03/2022 06:55

Principles matter. Don't go.

Icehole · 09/03/2022 06:55

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Icehole · 09/03/2022 06:57

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AlternativePerspective · 09/03/2022 07:00

Have to say that this notion of going to support the dh is baffling. Support with what? Bizarre.

Icehole · 09/03/2022 07:00

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WouldIwasShookspeared · 09/03/2022 07:08

@AlternativePerspective

Have to say that this notion of going to support the dh is baffling. Support with what? Bizarre.
Good point.

Hold him up while he copes with the trauma of watching a wedding service and getting pissed 😂

I think I'm guilty of saying support when really 'united front' might be a better choice.

Or even just 'together'.

Ponchek · 09/03/2022 07:08

YABVU.

It's his friend. You don't know him or the fiancée really at all, apart from all this info you've heard second hand. You're making a moral judgement on them? That this is a sham marriage? Sorry but that's pretty mean.

You should of course just go with your DH to his close friend's wedding.

I can't see why you'd make an issue of this.

SleeplessInEngland · 09/03/2022 07:09

There are things to take a principled stand on in life, but an on-off again couple deciding to give it a go isn’t one of them. That petty level of sanctimony is frankly exhausting.

balalake · 09/03/2022 07:09

I can only think of one reason to go, to object at the point that the celebrant asks if there is any reason why the couple should not marry.

So in the absence of that, the OP should not go. Her DH could just say that the OP was not feeling too good or some other excuse, if asked.

gettingolderbutcooler · 09/03/2022 07:10

@Acheyknees

Tell David you can't make this one but wl make an effort to attend the next
Grin
RedHelenB · 09/03/2022 07:11

@Shoxfordian

It’ll still be fun- who made you the relationship police anyway?
This. She's a grown woman and at least is going into this marriage with her eyes open as to his character.
Ponchek · 09/03/2022 07:11

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Icehole · 09/03/2022 07:12

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Ponchek · 09/03/2022 07:12

@SleeplessInEngland

'That petty level of sanctimony is frankly exhausting.'

You said it 🙏🙂

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