To not want to go to the sham wedding?

[fedoratheexplorer0]

Dh's childhood friend David is getting married this autumn to the mother of his children Laura (not their real names). I have met David only once and Laura not at all.

We received a save the date card a few days ago and I told Dh I won't be going due to the fact their whole relationship seems like a joke.

David and Laura have been on and off again for the last 14 years.
They get together and a short while later he leaves her for another woman he has met and when that goes tits up (as it always has) he goes running back to Laura and she takes him back every time. This has been going on for years now.

Last year he married another woman he had known for only 4 months. It was a very small wedding with only around 8 guests so we weren't invited (thankfully). The marriage lasted less than 6 months due to an affair and when they separated he again ran back to Laura. He has been back with her around 18 months now and although he is a prolific cheat he hasn't actually left her for someone else (as of yet).

Dh is very annoyed at me for saying I don't want to go because it's his childhood friend and he says we have to.
My argument is, Dh goes for months at a time without hearing from this friend and the wedding is a joke and won't last so what's the point?
David has never managed to keep it in his pants and he won't start the day they exchange rings.

So in your opinion Aibu? Should I just go for my Dh?

Your timings make no sense op. How could he have been back with your friend for 18 months and yet got married last year to soneone else? That can't be right, can it? Also married last year, had to wait a year for a divorce, but will be getting married in the autumn?

Laura knows what sort of guy he is. Unless you think she's coerced into it, I think your moralizing over the authenticity of it as a marriage is pretty intolerant. And the idea of boycotting the wedding is pointless and a bit nasty to your DH.

I do enjoy a free meal

@Shoxfordian

It’ll still be fun- who made you the relationship police anyway?

I wouldn't be friends with someone who behaved like this and I wouldn't go if my partner was friends with them. Nothing to do with relationship police but a choice of whom I associate with.

Poor Laura

Why? She's a grown woman. It's her choice to marry this waster.

I'm certainly not trying to be the relationship police but I do think this wedding is utterly ridiculous.
Dh is not close friends with him at all in fact they probably speak on the phone 2-3 times a year. They have never been out together since I have been with my Dh apart from they both played for a rugby team on a weekend which ended last year so it's not that I fear David is a bad influence it's just the way he boasts about these women he cheats with and it annoys me. He has zero respect for Laura (or any woman for that matter) and I don't want to attend the wedding for the fact that the whole thing is a joke.
I have been in the background on more than one occasion when Dh has had the phone on loudspeaker and David is discussing in detail stories of his cheating. Dh has told him it's wrong and he doesn't agree but David laughs it off and doesn't care.
I don't agree with Dh and David being friends and I have gone out of my way to avoid being in his company but there's little more I can do. Dh says they've been friends their whole lives and although he doesn't agree with the way he lives his life and has distanced himself he still cares for him.

Surely it’s just a party? There’s bound to be some drama - I’d go!

I forgot to mention, the last time we heard from David was when Dh went to the last rugby game, he had told Dh he was now sleeping with an ex girlfriend who he had already left Laura for some years before. This was while they were already engaged so he certainly hasn't changed his ways.

"David" sounds like DH's mate M, he is a serial womaniser, got maried years ago and yo yo'd back and forth between his wife and various OW's with whom he had seven children all in all!!
After nearly 40 years of this he finally divorces his wife and marries in September 2019, lovely wedding, super party, it fell apart during the first lockdown and they are now divorced.
Wait for it, he is back living in the original marital home!!
He's not an unpleasant man justs manages to overwhelm silly women with his charm, any sensible woman sees right through him!

So OP go to the wedding, with your DH, its not like his fiance doesn't know what she's letting herself in for, go have a good time even if you think its all a farce, not going won't achieve anything and will just upset your DH.

Wear black

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/thirty_days_only/4497996-Black-Dress-for-Wedding

Yes some of my timings may be a bit off, I can't remember exactly. It may have been 2020 he married the other woman as they are definitely now divorced. Part of me thinks they won't even make it down the aisle before he leaves her again anyway.
Laura is not very well off and neither is David, it's nothing to do with finances as he has nothing to offer her anyway. He's never been able to hold down a job.

Laura knows what he's like and she's made her decision.

You aren't going to change him or anything about him by not going but you might cause some drama. Go, daydream during the service, run up the bar tab as much as you can and make an excuse to go to your hotel room early. Dickheads get married all the time.

If I knew it wouldn't last, then I'd go for the food and cake.

Two words: wedding cake

@fedoratheexplorer0

Yes some of my timings may be a bit off, I can't remember exactly. It may have been 2020 he married the other woman as they are definitely now divorced. Part of me thinks they won't even make it down the aisle before he leaves her again anyway. Laura is not very well off and neither is David, it's nothing to do with finances as he has nothing to offer her anyway. He's never been able to hold down a job.

Wouldn't be surprised, if from the sounds of it, an affair happens the night before the wedding,

@EverNapping

Two words: wedding cake

Excellent thinking

I'd go, assuming there would be a free bar and I get to buy a new hat.

You should go and then when the celebrant asks " Is there any just cause or impediment why Dave & Laura can't be married? " You can pipe up, "yes Dave can't keep it in his pants!"

Is he definitely divorced? It’s a very quick timeline. You can’t divorce until 1 year and courts slow with covid.

@Acheyknees

Tell David you can't make this one but wl make an effort to attend the next

Omg I am howling - love this!!

@BattenbergdowntheHatches

If there’s a free bar I’d go and drink all the drinks then have a lovely shag with DH in a hotel.

Great answer @BattenbergdowntheHatches

I think you think you're making a stand for Laura. It's up to Laura if she wants to marry him. I would go for Laura. I wouldn't want to be made to feel ashamed for marrying whatever his name is which is how she will feel if she found out why you weren't going. Be happy for Laura.

You are BU. It’s a one day wedding, it’s not your place to comment on their relationship. You would be going to support your own DH and would most likely be creating a problem for him with his childhood friend if you stage your protest by not going.

I wouldn't go, but I'd acknowledge that my going or not going won't make a blind bit of difference, it'll go ahead won't it, and at least the bride will have some protection in the event of a split. That's such a tiny weeny benefit at the start of a marriage when it's meant to be all roses and candles. I just wouldn't see any point in attending it though. Your DH can hardly force you to attend.